Really need advice! Friends or should I hope for more?

[sara12345]

Please read it all & help me out!

My ex and I dated for almost a year. Actually, next week would have been our one year. We broke up around a month ago just because we've been butting heads a lot about stupid stuff. In all honesty, I wasn't putting in very much effort into our relationship because I was really busy, and I didn't even care that we argued because I didn't think it would do anything to us. Anyways, so we broke up. The next day he told me that he thinks that the breakup should be more of a break, and that we should see if not being together made us see that we still wanted to try. So we were trying for a few weeks and we were still arguing. So last week we decided that we should stop trying to get back together, and just be friends because if we kept trying, the cycle would only keep going. In all honesty, I do think he still likes me. He told me I looked nice and we still talk and flirt a little. We were really happy with each other for a while, and thinking about our relationship makes me really sad because I miss how much he loved me. I think that maybe down the road, that we could get back together and work. But I don't know what mindset to be in right now. I have been talking to other boys and staying busy, and trying to move on. I just miss him and our future makes me anxious. I don't really know if he thinks just being friends is temporary, or permanent. And I dont want to ask him about it because I think we need space and not talk about those things for a while.

So, do you think I should keep hope for us? Or should I move on? I just need someone to give me advice on the situation. I'm just confused on what's best for me, and for him. Thanks

[basilandthyme]

Whether or not there is hope depends on the arguing. It must have been a terrible clash of important beliefs or needs which had you fighting so often. Why weren't the two of you able to resolve the issue(s)? And why were you fighting even when broken up?

Avoiding seeing each other won't fix things because it leaves the problems unresolved. If you want to make this work, you need to get to the root of the issues the two of you were arguing over and solve the problems once and for all.

[sara12345]

Well he's been really busy with soccer as well, so that kind of started the arguing. I felt like he was making me a last priority. And then after we broke up, I couldn't tell how he was feeling so I think my insecurity made me start little fights. Should I give it a few weeks for us to just be friends, then we talk about it?

Thank you!

[DalM0m]

There must have been reasons that you weren't putting the effort into the relationship. You also say that you are anxious about a future together. That doesn't seem like you two were meant to be. I'd let it go & move on to somebody you don't fight with.

It's normal to miss somebody after they are out of your life. Everybody has a bit of regret about endings. It's also hard because things change & what you had was familiar. You miss that which is OK but not a reason to get back together.

Immediately after a break up it's very hard to stay friends. You both need some time & distance to put things in perspective. Stop contacting each other. Unfriend each other off social media. Of course be polite if you bump into each other but don't go out of your way right now to maintain contact.

[basilandthyme]

No, you can't be 'just friends' in a couple of weeks because you have more than friendship feelings for him.

Now, about the arguing, why do you want to return to someone who was making you last priority? Has he said that he'd turn his life around if you returned to him?

[smackie9]

Life gets busy, and it's good to have activities and a life outside the relationship. If this isn't for you then you need to find someone else that can be more available for you.....it's called relationship expectations.....you got to the point where your expectations are not being met...this means incomaptability, which is a huge factor needed for a realtionship to sustain itself. A relationship cannot survive on love alone. This is why relationships end, and why you should just move on.

If you want to get back together you will have to let him do his thing and stop nagging at him.

[Cbud92]

Go no contact for as long as you can.. see how it changes things. Thats the only way you'll find out anything about where you guys are going.

[sara12345]

Thank you! I really appreciate your help

[sara12345]

No he did not. I'm just going to move on. Thanks for your help, I honestly appreciate it!

[Tug]

Dont torture yourself stop all communication and move on. You cant be his friend because you still have feelings for him. Being his friend means you can get close enough to him to see that he's moved on which will only hurt you more. I know its hard Im dealing with a broken heart as well but when the other person doesnt feel the same way you do than its best to stop all contact and let him/her go.