Need some reasonable advice!!! Please help!

[Cbud92]

Hi guys,

So basically my girlfriend uses Tumblr (an online blog) and she posts about a certain fetish that is only explorable through fantasy. Her and I are into the same fetish and regularly roleplay about it. However, she does roleplay online with some of her followers on tumblr. Specifically, she roleplays with a certain guy that lives about a state away from us. After RPing with this guy and seeing some pictures of him, they started talking on skype and even over texts (phone) and like to regularly keep in touch and text nearly everyday about just random stuff in their lives or the fetish/RPs.

So it is pretty clear there is some sexual tension between them.. she was honest with me and said she is reall attracted to him (hes handsome) and likes that hes into the fetish too.. but that shes dating me and loves me and is ****ing me, not him. She insists that I have nothing to worry about and gets upset when I ask her to see her phone all the time. I told her its not that I dont trust her I just on't trust him and want to make sure he isn't pushing her for sexy details too often.

Lately I've noticed that she talks to him on the phone for an hour at a time and it does bother me... I know they're not flirting constantly and its not some sort of like phone sex session but it just bothers me that shes talking to him EVERY day.

I need help, how do I explain to her that this isn't okay and wouldn't be okay to any other guy in a relationship with her.



Random notes:
We've been together for 7 years..
She insists they're just friends and sometimes like to talk about the fetishy stuff.
I believe she really does care and love me but just doesn't want to give up the friendship with him.

-Important: She has very few friends.. ever since college ended she hasn't had more than 1-2 friends at a time.






NOTE: Sorry for crap details and grammar.. I typed this up on my phone and I kinda rushed it.. just anxious to get quick opinions!

[DalM0m]

Fetishes add an interesting element to this Q & the dynamic. I'm guessing this isn't something you can just talk to anybody about, especially vanilla people like me.

You need to be straightforward with her & explain that she's getting too close to this guy for your comfort. You can't demand that she completely cut him out because that does show a lack of trust & most likely will have negative consequences on your relationship.

Hang on to the fact that she is your GF & you are together while he's a state away.

Come up with some concrete things that she can do to reassure you but continue to remind her that you do love & trust her even though you are feeling insecure.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Initiate a break up conversation with her. Tell her you feel like its an intrusion on your relationship at this point, and you don't want to split time with her friend. Don't make it an ultimatum. Just tell her you want out. If she does anything other than cut him off completely right then, then you really should be done with her.

If you don't have the balls for that, the just **** another girl so you're already one up on her. You could also start following another girl that's into the same fetish. Keep your current girl around but start looking for another one. If you find one suitable before you g/f shapes up, then drop her.

What do you think would happen if this guy lived in the same town?? Exactly. She'd be ****ing, and fetishing his brains out.

[Valixy]

^ She is walking all over you.

Tell her it's inappropriate and ask her to stop immediately and completely the flirting and sharing her sexual fantasies with another man besides you. If she'd have some self respect and cared about your relationship, she should have never done it. If she doesn't get your point, give her a taste of her own medicine, flirting with another girl, or just leave her, she doesn't seem to be worth the hassle.

[FAndrews]

what an awkward situation , best to confront her about, if she cares enough about you hopefully she will listen to you.

[Cbud92]

To DalM0m: You're right, it isn't something you can just talk to anybody out.. its actually not a hugely popular fetish. However, her and I are into it too and regularly practice it which she loves.(rare to be together with someone so long and just so happen to have that same kink)

Recently, I have actually talked to her about it and basically approached it as gently as i could.. I basically told her I just want to be very open with how she is talking to him and I dont want her to hide anything or feel like she has to hide stuff in fear I'll get upset.. I said if you're saying things that upset me i'l calmly approach you about it and we can talk. She liked the idea but it still bothers me ad I feel she'll still not refrain from being explicit with him.

To:BackUporGetStng and Valixy
You're right in some ways.. I feel she is walking over me.

A big thing to me is that she isn't willing to compromise with me about this.. she would much rather tell me that I shouldn't be upset about it in the first place and that there is nothing to worry about so she doesn't -have- to stop talking to him.

I also feel really bad because this is like... her only ****ing friend she talks to on the phone or even in general, so i have to make her (try to) stop talking to him or just deal with i.. either way it's a lose lose situation for me..

[Boisdevie]

She's treating you with sod all respect and her fetish is irrelevant to all this.

[Cbud92]

She's treating you with sod all respect and her fetish is irrelevant to all this.

What do you mean by "sod"? Please elaborate a little more, I appreciate all the opinions I can get.


Edit: The only way I see it is you could mean "Sex on delivery" or the slang term for "sod" as a fool or idiot.

If you mean the first one, yes that is true but that is irrelevant... I've been with her for 7 years and I consider her the love of my life.. my dream girl.. my SOULMATE, even..

She may not see this as a problem in her eyes and that I shouldn't worry or feel "uncomfortable".. but I do! I feel incredibly disrespected and uncomfortable with how she talks to this guy. She sees him strictly as a friend that she just so happen can
talk to about this fetish with, although it's nothing truly serious.. It doesn't mean that it isn't disrespectful to me or my feelings.

Idk, I just really need more opinions on this and what people think would be a -GOOD- way to approach the situation other than "dude just break up with her".. because she deserves more than that and what we have is very special and is WORTH fighting for!

[Boisdevie]

'Sod all' in UK Enlish means nothing. She cares nothing for your feeliggs. You said she deserves more than just breaking up. OK, give her an ultimatum. Let her know loud and clear what changes you want to see in the relatinship. Then she has the opportunity to make the changes you want. She makes the changes = things are fine. She doesn't make those changes = it's over. It really is that simple. And the fact that you've been together x number of years is irrelevent if the relationship isn't working. And you might feel that she's the love of YOUR life but from what you've said she doesn't hold you in the same esteem does she?

[DalM0m]

If she is not willing to compromise, she has one foot out the door. You might as well end this.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Now you just sound like a pussy. You've been told the same thing by multiple people, in multiple ways. The ounce of sympathy I had for you is now gone, and now I'm just going sit and wait for you to return with more tales of woe..like I do with staticsnake. That guy makes me laugh.

You deserve what you allow.

[okwhat2013]

Add a vote for me that you are being walked over. women respect men who stand up for their beliefs. They find it attractive. Women will test about every man they are with in some way to see if they will stand up for themselves. You are failing this test. This is not like u are being a controlling jerk she is crossing the line.

[basilandthyme]

I'm chiming in late here, but I just want to add my voice to those who are saying that you're being walked all over.

I understand that you're OK with them just speaking as regular friends would, but mate he's not a regular friend: he's an online sex buddy. She has no interest in dropping the sex talk with him because he's hot and he's getting her off. And if she did drop the sex talk, it's unlikely he'd bother with her any further.

If she cannot see that her behaviour is inappropriate, then you really need to walk away. I know you don't want to, but this is in the category of "serious dealbreakers".

[markspring0124]

Definitely agree with the above post.

[mellymel]

trust. you have to have trust in her.