Here's a biggie.... How do you get a conversation started?

[TheEvilJester]

Okay, again, since I will be going back into the dating world soon, I'm trying to cram like a pimple-faced teenager staying up all night before finals. LOL! So, I'm trying to get advice on all the little things I missed out on in life. For example, here is a big question I have always had....

Just how exactly do you break the ice? I mean, for me I feel like I could find it so much easier to break the ice of there was literally something to do just that. Like, you see a girl reading a book you like, or she has a shirt with a band or movie you like, or something like that.

But, what if you see a girl you think you may want to ask out and either you don't know enough about her to know those things, or the situation doesn't really seem appropriate. Just as an exaple, say you happened to know a girl likes Star Wars, and you are also a big fan. You can't just go up to somebody who is basically a complete stranger and say "Hey! I heard you like Star Wars... That would seem kind of stalkerific. But, heck... even more so, what if you really don't yet know anything specific about them anyway? So you don't even have an ice-breaker to begin with. I mean, if you just go up and say "Hi, I'm (insert your name here)." They may just respond with a polite "Hi I'm (insert their name here)" thinking you are just being polite. Where do you go from there if you really have nothing to say?

[DalM0m]

Everybody feels awkward & insecure. Under the right circumstances, most people are grateful that somebody else started the conversation.

A smile & a form of hello are the basics.

As for the girl who likes Star Wars in your hypothetical, I'll assume you have never spoken to her directly but know you have mutual friends which is how you know she likes Star Wars. You'd break the ice by smiling & saying hi. Look at her a little too long & when she looks back, say "aren't you so & so's friend [insert her name here]?" When she says yes, say Hi I'm "TheEvilJester," & then explain how you know so & so. Then mention the weather or a current event. Hopefully the conversation will flow from there.

It's OK to have a few "standard" Questions in your arsenal. They have to mean something to you though. I tried to go speed dating once & they tell you to come up with a unique Q. Mine was "How do you feel about rollercoasters?" It told me something about the guy's sense of adventure as well as his ability to deal with something a bit off the wall. Plus it was open ended so it would spur more discussion.

They are cliches for a reason but it really is OK to ask:

What's your major / what do you do?
What's your favorite food / restaurant?
What's your favorite song / band / movie / book etc. ?

[bessieb]

You could try, Hi, I'm ......., she replies and tells you her name (hopefully) and then you could ask her if she's having a nice evening then compliment her and say something along the lines of. 'What perfume are you wearing, you smell beautiful' you're asking a question and paying her a compliment at the same time. Chat up lines are cheesy and women can see straight through them, be sincere and genuine and if she is friendly the conversation will start to flow.

[DalM0m]

I'd be careful about the you smell beautiful line. If the man is a stranger, I'm going to be off put by the fact that he's close enough to smell my perfume.

[bessieb]

DalM0m......you can usually smell people's perfume/aftershave without invading space, I have walked past many an individual and thought how nice they smell....without being a stalker/creep/weirdo lol

[HeartIsAching]

It. Doesn't. Matter.

Seriously dude, it doesn't matter. I've started conversations that have ended up in wild monkey-sex with "do you have a light?" and "Nice weather we're having"...

If she's at all interested, she'll pick up the ball and run with it. If she doesn't - she's not interested, time to move on.

[Kromat83]

A few things will separate you from other guys, it's about the interests you have, aren't like most males she comes across.
You can't be boring, or it'll be a boring lifestyle long-term.
Talk about something that is bothering you.
Be creative most of all, but don't think of anything ahead of time, just go with the situation your in and act accordingly.

[TheEvilJester]

Everybody feels awkward & insecure. Under the right circumstances, most people are grateful that somebody else started the conversation.

A smile & a form of hello are the basics.

As for the girl who likes Star Wars in your hypothetical, I'll assume you have never spoken to her directly but know you have mutual friends which is how you know she likes Star Wars. You'd break the ice by smiling & saying hi. Look at her a little too long & when she looks back, say "aren't you so & so's friend [insert her name here]?" When she says yes, say Hi I'm "TheEvilJester," & then explain how you know so & so. Then mention the weather or a current event. Hopefully the conversation will flow from there.

It's OK to have a few "standard" Questions in your arsenal. They have to mean something to you though. I tried to go speed dating once & they tell you to come up with a unique Q. Mine was "How do you feel about rollercoasters?" It told me something about the guy's sense of adventure as well as his ability to deal with something a bit off the wall. Plus it was open ended so it would spur more discussion.

They are cliches for a reason but it really is OK to ask:

What's your major / what do you do?
What's your favorite food / restaurant?
What's your favorite song / band / movie / book etc. ?

Actually, I have done the smile and hello thing. The only problem is it was more so in passing while walking through the hall, or whatever. So never really a very good excuse to stop and talk. More just a polite nod and smile or a pleasant hello. (And, believe it or not, that was a big deal for me when I actually did that. Used to be I couldn't bring myself even to do that.)

For the record, the Star Wars thing was 100% just random. I could have said Ghostbusters, zombies, flying purple monkeys, or any of a million other things. LOL! Not actually a specific example from my actual life.

Though, DalM0m.... don't you think I should introduce myself by my real name? If I said "Hi, I'm TheEvilJester" I think she might find that a little weird. :-P

LOL! Sorry. Couldn't help myself. I do so love a corny joke. The cornier the better. ;-)

You know, I always thought maybe a good icebreaker would just involve a little honesty. I have always thought of maybe saying something along the lines of "I have kind of been wanting to talk to you, but have just been too shy." I don't know, though. I'm a little worried that would just seem like a line. But, in all honesty, it would be the truth.

You could try, Hi, I'm ......., she replies and tells you her name (hopefully) and then you could ask her if she's having a nice evening then compliment her and say something along the lines of. 'What perfume are you wearing, you smell beautiful' you're asking a question and paying her a compliment at the same time. Chat up lines are cheesy and women can see straight through them, be sincere and genuine and if she is friendly the conversation will start to flow.

Thanks, bessie. Sounds like good advice. I think I'd be a little too shy to say the perfume thing, but that is at least a good example for me to go by.

It. Doesn't. Matter.

Seriously dude, it doesn't matter. I've started conversations that have ended up in wild monkey-sex with "do you have a light?" and "Nice weather we're having"...

If she's at all interested, she'll pick up the ball and run with it. If she doesn't - she's not interested, time to move on.

I suppose you are right. I just can't help but over-think it. It would be one thing if it were a girl I knew well enough to start a conversation. But, when it is a girl I don't really know well, but what to get to know better, it is hard to know what to say.

A few things will separate you from other guys, it's about the interests you have, aren't like most males she comes across.
You can't be boring, or it'll be a boring lifestyle long-term.
Talk about something that is bothering you.
Be creative most of all, but don't think of anything ahead of time, just go with the situation your in and act accordingly.

Okay. So no calculus talk. Darn. There goes my big opening line. ;-) LOL! Kidding, of course. Seriously, though, I appreciate the advice. Sounds like a good plan.

Thanks again to everybody for all the helpful advice. I think one of the main reasons I get so hung up on this one has to do with the type of girls that often times intrigue me. I often find myself drawn to the shy, quiet type. The problem with that is, like me, they tend not to be very talkative. So, my concern is I would have to get the ball rolling on the conversation, and I honestly am not sure what to talk about to do that. But, I guess as you all seem to say, it can be pretty much anything.... You know.... within reason. "So, the voices keep screaming at me that I should set this place on fire, but I told them I wouldn't want to hurt people. ....Well....most people." :-)

[basilandthyme]

If you love dogs and are up for the commitment of owning one, get a cute fluffy one. They are chick magnets and women will come up all the time to talk to you.

[4 ratties]

Being natural is the best way to form a spark. You could try and approach her girl and say she's pretty or something if there's nothin else to say. Or if your out somewhere you could ask her how often she goes there? Idk lol I've never approached a stranger, it usually comes about naturally without feeling like I need to break the ice somehow.

[okwhat2013]

Honestly the one I use the most is "how you doing?" in the a deep voice like Joey from friends while looking them up and down followed by a cheesy smile. Most girls know the reference and half the time with reply with their best try at the same line. I actually do it to women I'm not even interested it is sort of my standard hello.
However as stated above it is more about how you say rather what you say if you tell a girl you like rainbow alligators with enough sexy confidence it will probably work. Good luck

[markspring0124]

Definitely agree with the above post.

[markspring0124]

Definitely agree with the above post.

[TheEvilJester]

If you love dogs and are up for the commitment of owning one, get a cute fluffy one. They are chick magnets and women will come up all the time to talk to you.

I'll do you one better. I love animals! ;-) Actually, funny enough, the absolutely love me too. I don't know what it is. I have an effect on animals. They are always drawn to me.

Unfortunately, though, I am a little too busy these days for a dog. I would LOVE having a dog, but I just don't feel it would be fair to fluffy little EvilJester Junior at this time in my life. I did have a kitty cat who was my little princess (cats are a lot more self-reliant), but she recently passed away. :-(

Being natural is the best way to form a spark. You could try and approach her girl and say she's pretty or something if there's nothin else to say. Or if your out somewhere you could ask her how often she goes there? Idk lol I've never approached a stranger, it usually comes about naturally without feeling like I need to break the ice somehow.

I have nowhere near enough confidence to tell a girl she is pretty. LOL! I would be way too shy for that. If I did try, I'm sure I'd look like an idiot. It would probably result in one of two things a) she actually finds it cute and charming or b) she pictures me having heated arguments with voices in my head and feeding her shoddily made sandwhiches and bottle water through a bucket I lower to her in the giant hole I dug in my basement for her. So... you know... pretty wide margin for error there. Too much for somebody as shy as me. LOL! In all seriousness, though, I definitely think your advice helps me. I get that more so your point is that you don't really need a specific ice breaker, and that does help me to hear.

Honestly the one I use the most is "how you doing?" in the a deep voice like Joey from friends while looking them up and down followed by a cheesy smile. Most girls know the reference and half the time with reply with their best try at the same line. I actually do it to women I'm not even interested it is sort of my standard hello.
However as stated above it is more about how you say rather what you say if you tell a girl you like rainbow alligators with enough sexy confidence it will probably work. Good luck

LOL! That is awesome! Again, I would be a little too shy to pull that one off, but I LOVE it. By the way, love the rainbow alligators line. I may just have to try that. LOL! Though, I'm not sure I 100% agree with your theory that you can say anything to a girl, and as long as you say it with enough confidence it will probably work. What if I said "Hello! I have a puss infected wound!" :-) (Boy, do I wish sometimes that Barney Stinson was a real person. He'd be running in here right now yelling "Challenge accepted!" LOL)

Definitely agree with the above post.

Mark, I am really growing to love your insightful and thought-provoking input on these boards lately. Especially your post where you agree with your own above agreement. ;-) LOL!