My girlfriend told me she is asexual.

[Goku]

I have been dating this girl for almost 9 months now, I'm 17 and she's 16. We very rarely kiss because there aren't many good opportunities with out parents around. I have told her I want to kiss her more, but I don't, because there aren't many good opportunists, and she was fine with that. A few months after that I asked her over email about her opinion on having sex (I know it might have been bad asking that over email, but I didn't want to put her on the spot. I also said that if she wanted to talk about it face to face that would be fine). After a couple of days she replied saying that she isn't interested in sex that much because she is asexual, but she said "being asexual just means that I don't really feel any sexual attraction. However, I do feel romantic attraction, so I enjoy being with you and spending time together with you as a couple". I asked her if she has had sex or masturbated before, and is she hasn't how doesn't she know for sure she is asexual if she doesn't even know what its like. She said that she is still virgin (I am also), but she has masturbated once, but she didn't find it enjoyable.
I really do love this girl and I don't mind the fact that she doesn't have any sexual interest now, because we are both pretty young , but in the future I can see this becoming a huge problem, especially if I marry her (I know the chances of marring someone your dating in high school is slim, but you never know). Other than that she is the perfect girl for me. I don't want to break up with her, but at the same time I think I should. What do you think I should do, should I break up with her? Should I stay with her? Is there anything I can do about this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

--edit--
She said she is ok with kissing and hugging, just not with sex.

[basilandthyme]

Goku, I think the odds of her being truly asexual are quite slim. It's more likely that she's not emotionally ready to have sex yet. It's also very possible that she hasn't found the right man who triggers that response in her. And for what it's worth, I didn't get any enjoyment out of masturbation at her age either....it came to me later on after I'd had an experienced lover who taught me how my body worked.

I can't tell you what to do. But I hope that my guesses may help your decision a little.

[tropus]

I think she is trying to establish a boundary and wants you to respect it. So she went to the extreme. It's not a good idea to ask her any more personal questions about her sexuality because she is uncomfortable with it. She probably does masturbate, but she's not going to admit that to you. And it's none of your business, man. If it's meant to be, she'll open up to you as you get to know her more. If you want to make it to second base, though, you're going to have to be patient and work that finesse.

For your own sake, I suggest avoiding thinking about the future and marriage and all that stuff. Keep your mind in the now and enjoy your youth. If you want to be with somebody who is more comfortable with themselves, that is definitely your choice to make and there is nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you are practicing safe sex.

[smackie9]

You are not going to marry her....you will have boinked a few girls before you ever think about doing that. Relationships will come and go in your life, this will definitely not be your one and only....you are over thinking this. Let's be honest.....you want to have sex sooner or later, and well this girl isn't ready for it so you might want to consider moving on in a few months to someone who is more interested in having sex. I bet by spring you will be involved with someone else anyways so just enjoy your GF's company for now, worry about the rest later.

[Goku]

@tropus
In the email I told her if she's not ready its fine with me and I wouldn't want her to do something she isn't ready for. Why would she say she is asexual instead of just saying she isn't ready?

[smackie9]

Because someone told her to say that I bet.....she's 16, 16 year old will say anything......maybe she wanted to hide her fear of having sex who knows......9 months and no sex? wow you kids are so slow these days.

If you can't even barely kiss her, how the hell would you ever find the opportunity to have sex?

[tropus]

@tropus
In the email I told her if she's not ready its fine with me and I wouldn't want her to do something she isn't ready for. Why would she say she is asexual instead of just saying she isn't ready?

Because girls your age are just silly. Don't bother to question this further. You will drive yourself crazy. I tell you that man-to-man. And you concluded things maturely. Good job.

[cosquin]

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't believe a word about she being asexual. It is rather she doesn't know how her body works yet. If you have the opportunity to make out with her in a confortable enviroment, you probably find out she feels more than she wants to admit.

[smackie9]

--edit--
She said she is ok with kissing and hugging, just not with sex.

There's your answer right there. If she was asexual she would be interested in doing any of that...she is just saying no to sex. Now it's up to you to decide whether you can live with out the opportunity to have sex.

[Boisdevie]

You're not going to get shagged and the whole 'I'm asexual' is just so much bullshit.

[pcmaster]

How can you have sex when you wont even kiss her as much as you want?

[searock]

It's unlikely that she really is asexual, it's more likely that she simply isn't ready to have sex yet. It's normal at that age and you shouldn't pressure her. If you don't like being in a relationship with a person that doesn't want to have sex with you (at least for the time being), you should break up, rather than pressuring her.