Skeletons out of the closet

[tropus]

Growing up, I was an extremely judgmental and opinionated person and I had set unreasonable expectations for the kind of women I wanted to date. That means I refused to date smokers, anybody who had even experimented with drugs, anybody who was excessively promiscuous (by my standards), etc. The last relationship I was in sent me right off the rails and I immediately began dating girls I would have never even considered before. And I’m glad I finally came to my senses because when I met my wife, she was a liberal smoker who had been around the block a few times.

We have always been pretty open with each other about ourselves. I’m not going to lie, even though I threw my unreasonable standards out the window, when she told me she used to be a pothead, it did still bother me, but I got over it and learned that the past is the past. And it really wasn’t that big of a deal anyway.

Last night, though, we both got drunk and had a pretty deep, revealing conversation. We started talking about drugs and I caught her contradicting something she had previously told me. I persisted, and she finally let all the skeletons out of the closet. She told me she had done other drugs. And I mean she has tried a LOT of different drugs. I’m not even going to say which ones because it doesn’t really matter. They weren’t hard drugs or anything to be concerned about; and she doesn’t do them anymore. She even quit smoking a year after we met – and I had nothing to do with it.

And later on, she told me how she was very promiscuous before she met me.

And you know what? I don’t even care about any of that. I look past it. I got over myself years ago. What really hurts me is that she hid the truth from me and lied to me about it for so long. It makes me insecure. If she had really meant it all the times she said she feels like she can be herself around me… she would have never done this. I fail to understand even a shred of it.

[Valixy]

It's really nice to read a mature post, of someone who has grown up as a person and is in a happy love relationship. :-)

I suppose she hid some details from you because she was in love and didn't want to risk creating any tensions in your promising relationship that turned out to be just as beautiful as she thought it would be. The most important thing to me is that by the time she met you she had already dettached herself from those experiences and became a different person and you've helped each other progress so much so quickly and become happier and more confident people. She simply needed more time to share everything with you, that's all. It means that you have gained all her confidence and nothing more. You two wouldn't have been so happy all these years if she hadn't been able to be herself with you and viceversa. You're both very lucky people.:-)

[joanna1]

You don't care because you love her unconditionally and what you learned doesn't change who she is to you. Hope you told her you are okay with her new revelations too.

[smackie9]

What she did is something that pretty much everyone does...embellished or half truthed. Get over it, it's not like she was out killing babies or something.....she just wasn't ready to tell you everything.

[smackie9]

I see a little of the old you is pokin it's head out.......I have an easier way of dealing with this....don't have these kind of expectations that your partner is going to reveal every little dirty detail about her past......Let her have a few skeletons to keep because sometimes it's best to keep it in the past.

[Boisdevie]

I see a little of the old you is pokin it's head out.......I have an easier way of dealing with this....don't have these kind of expectations that your partner is going to reveal every little dirty detail about her past......Let her have a few skeletons to keep because sometimes it's best to keep it in the past.

It's perfectly OK to not reveal everything. In my own case in the 80s I was part of a death squad in Nicaragua tasked with killing Sandanistas. Well, so what, I'm over that now and it's not like I killed hundreds of people - just a few dozen and they were commies so it doesn't really count anyway.

[TablesandChairs]

Most of us were probably idealistic when we were teenagers...I can't remember what my criteria was but I'm sure it was nothing short of Brad Pitt with mother Teresa's values. But then we actually experience life and we learn that that neither the world nor the people in it are black and white. Sure, you can find some virgin whose never touched a drug...but she might be a neurotic, nasty bitch. Or, you could find someone with a more colorful past who has grown and changed and learned from their mistakes.

She's your wife and you know her. Who she was then is irrelevant...and dredging up the past isn't always something people need or want to do. I dated someone briefly when I was in my mid 20's who had experienced a very limited life...no serious relationships, never drank, never did drugs...I was his second sexual encounter. Yet he was probably more likely to cheat than anyone else I've dated because he was always crapping on about how much 'living' he missed out on. I moved on when I realized that the guy has a LOT to get out of his system.

[RyanJames]

She was clearly wanting to get into a solid, dependable and long term relationship with you and (with hindsight) a marriage. So knowing your feelings about such things she was hardly going to say "Hey buddy, I'm a drug crazed slut, but will you marry me" now was she? Whats so hard to understand, she hid the truth to get you. You should be flattered that she went to such lengths to secure your love and protection and was willing to give it all up for you.

[Bells]

It's perfectly OK to not reveal everything. In my own case in the 80s I was part of a death squad in Nicaragua tasked with killing Sandanistas. Well, so what, I'm over that now and it's not like I killed hundreds of people - just a few dozen and they were commies so it doesn't really count anyway.

I see auras, orbs and the like... sometimes it's just best to keep little pieces of ourselves concealed.