I don't know how to read her - do I have any hope?

[Oyemeng123]

So I really like this girl that I have been pursuing since June…and nothing has come of it… she is my best friend's sister. right off the bat, I let her know I was interested and asked her if she was seeing anybody. She said she was not and so i started to try and move in. There was a bit of back and forth and we started chatting on Facebook and thru text and i convinced her to go out with me one night. we went to the movies and went out to eat after. we had a great time….we would continue chatting for the next month or so but i wouldn't see her for a while…i tried to make plans but she always had an excuse.

Then one day she tells me that she has been feeling down because she let old history get the best of her (an ex). She told me things were at a standstill with me and she didn't want to get serious until she sorted things out. I was upset of course because i was only finding this out now, but we smoothed things over and both acknowledged that we wanted something together in the future.

some time goes by and things seem to be progressing nicely - we would text often. and saw each other more often in group settings --- mind you, we never talked over the phone. always thru some form of text chat - i would flirt, we'd send each other little kissy faces and hearts etc. One time her older sister commented on a meeting she was gonna have with someone and she called it a date in front of me. i received a private text from her reassuring me that it wasn't a date she was going on..she was just meeting with a friend. we would see each other every sunday to watch our favorite show together (with a group of friends) and things just felt really comfortable. she was always very affectionate with me.

then i asked her out again - she agreed to go out. we went out to some art show… we had fun, sure. and at the end of the night i dropped her off -- i manned up and tried to go in for a kiss. She recoiled. I was completely denied. All she would say is "Not right now." Despite that, I sensed some pity from her and we affectionately held hands and she let me carress her face…..but later that night i j got a text from her : "i hope this doesn't make things awkward between us". I just had to ask "you say not now, then when?" and she couldn't give me a straight answer. she said it was hard to explain what she felt and all she could say was that right now she saw us as really good friends. She stressed that I was NOT in the friend zone and that things were still building up…she assured me that she cared about me and enjoyed my company. we both acknowledged that we didn't want things to change between us.

from there, things between us were just fine thru chatting - but in person…she seemed to act differently. not as affectionate…not as attentive…and it is frustrating because it feels like i am talking to another person when thru chat. the last time i saw her was at the end of September at her brother's house. for the next month it felt as though she was giving me less and less. i was usually the one to make first contact - occasionally she would text me….but not once has she made an effort to want to spend time with me…i make invites, she gives excuses. meanwhile, she goes out with her friends and it feels like im left in the dust…then just this past saturday (a month since i had last seen her, mind you) - i went to a halloween haunted house with her brother and a group of friends. i had invited her and she said she would try to go but never did. later on i took her brother home and i hung out in the living room while he rested up before we would leave again….she comes downstairs - and i swear it feels like she just stabbed me with a knife. she comes down and her brother tells her im here before going upstairs…and she deflects that with something akin to "well im gonna be with my best friend upstairs" - her brother insisted "you're not gonna say hi?" --- she steps into the kitchen and says hi to me over the counter…i ask how she is and all she gives me is "im ok" - and that was it.. she disappears upstairs. and i didn't see her again. i was there for 2 hours before her brother and i left..and i was so upset….she couldn't even give me the courtesy to come into the living room and give me a kiss on the cheek. i mean shit, if she cared about me, wouldn't she have been happy to see me after a month of absence from one another? What is even more is that just 2 days prior we were talking just fine over chat

I texted her on my way out "im leaving. goodnight". I woke up the next morning to a text from her saying "sorry i couldn't hang out more. I had a guest upstairs. Totally didn't know you were coming"… i never responded…and i haven't tried to communicate with her since.

I don't know what to make of it? I am just going nuts because I feel like I did something. I feel like she is keeping something from me….worst of all is i don't know how to approach her about it… I feel like if i confront her she is just going to think I'm being insecure. What should I do? Do I confront her? Try and clear the air? How do I do so tactfully and without seemingly handing my balls to her in a purse? And what do you think is going on in her mind?

[basilandthyme]

Oyemeng, unless you're a masochist don't bother with her any further. Do the absolute opposite of handing your balls in a purse and tell her that you're tired of the games and walk away.

If she comes chasing (which is not entirely unlikely), don't accept her until she gives you the relationship you're looking for. It's time to set some standards for yourself: the first of which being that you will not hang around waiting for some girl who can't decide if she wants you or not.

[Boisdevie]

The OP is wasting his time. Why not have a bit more self respect and stop acting like a pathetic little boy?

[Starnique]

I personally don't think she's gaming you. She's clearly not interested. She tried to be nice at first to see if it would go anywhere but you cant control how you feel and she's not feeling you.

[smackie9]

"i tried to make plans but she always had an excuse". This right here is your answer to everything.....she isn't interested in you. Girls really don't like confrontation and will go with the excuse route instead of coming out and saying "NO NOT INTERESTED". Learn from this, this is code for not going to happen.

[Oyemeng123]

Thanks for your feedback guys. Here's a little update which has me puzzled despite doing my best to let her go. A week later she is texting me again telling me i should play some game with her and what not. then just yesterday she just sends me a picture text of herself smiling.......talk about mixed messages.

[UKRomantic]

"i tried to make plans but she always had an excuse". This right here is your answer to everything.....she isn't interested in you. Girls really don't like confrontation and will go with the excuse route instead of coming out and saying "NO NOT INTERESTED". Learn from this, this is code for not going to happen.

agree with this, I'm going through a similar situation, except mine would kiss me passionately etc.

But when confrontated as things started going a bit stale I got "I'm not ready for a relationship we should just be friends. You deserve better anyway"

Basically I got every excuse rather than just "I'm not interested in you in that way"

[smackie9]

It's not a romantic interest.......she is just looking for attention with no obligation of a relationship.....it's call the friends zone. She knows how you feel about her so she is using that to manipulate you into giving her that attention.

[Aly2525]

Honestly I think she is only keeping in touch with you every so often to keep you as a backup plan , like seems that she doesn't necessarily want to date you , she's trying to find someone else but seems to enjoy your company so she doesn't completely want you out of her life, she just messages you when she's lonely n whatnot ... I think you should be strong enough to cut the cord cause nobody deserves to be treated like some shitty option. Its selfish on her part to keep you hanging by a thread then continue to pull you back in get you hopeful again then leave you again , find someone who will actually treat you well you deserve that !!