Caught the girlfriend with another man

[mrtdg82]

It's 1am here in the uk and I'm struggling to sleep after experiencing something I guess none of us should ever experience.

Things have been a bit ropey between me and the girlfriend. We have both come out of long term relationships and 3 weeks ago she moved into her own place. We live a little way apart, but only I drive as she doesn't have a car. We have been together 10 months I am 30 she is 25.

On Saturday night I stayed over and things were great, I took her to work the following morning as usual and things were normal. The Thursday prior we had an argument so I turned up with flowers and things were fine again, however I noticed she was frequently putting me down more, highlighting what I did wrong within our relationship.

I'm going in for a knee op next Tuesday and was hoping to spend the weekend with her, however she had made plans to go out with her mates on the sat night. She invited me along which I agreed and cancelled my plans to do so but told her I was a bit gutted that she didn't prioritise me on the weekend before my operation as afterwards it would be hard to see each other for a while as I can't drive and she dont have a car. Her response was basically she wanted to go out and she was going regardless of if I went or not.

Then on Tuesday she text me asking why I wasn't coming over, I had assumed it was going to be Wednesday (yesterday) and she basically said she had enough and didn't want to carry on with us. All over text. However Wednesday we text most of the day and it ended with her saying she wanted to see me to end things. She text me 3 times in the night asking to do it soon but I was asleep so doesn't reply til the morning where she told me she couldn't see me until Monday. I knew she had plans so wasn't overly surprised. We had a big row on the phone this morning with her saying I didn't take her out enough and it was my job as they guy to do so whereas I said it should be equal

So I decided to go to her flat tonight to try and reconcile things. Funny enough the week before she was upset that I didn't turn up randomly as it would be a nice surprise. I must stress that generally she is very loving, and any suggestion of us splitting up always upset her.

Anyway I showed up and the lights were off with no answer, but I was eqrly and assumed as she was out with her mates she wouldn't be back til late. So I waited an hour and retried only to see the living room light on. I thought of buzzing on the door but for whatever reason I went down the side of the building and looked through the window only to see her on the sofa with some guy on top of her. I banged on the window and walked round to the front and buzzed on the door. Not knowing who it was she answered in complete shock, I was in tears, asked how she could do that and she went back inside.

2 minutes later I get a call from her calling me a stalker and demanding I apologise for banging on her window and scaring her. We talked/argued for 10 minutes with me a complete mess to be honest. I then drove home and 4 hours later I'm still laying here.

She text me an hour after I left saying 'let me talk to you tomorrow'. To which I didn't reply.

I was totally in love with this girl, and I'm not just that now. But Sunday morning we woke up together and she told me she loved me, she was always telling me how much she loved me.

I have no idea how I get over tonight. What I saw makes me sick and I can't sleep. What hurts most is I've come home in this state whilst she goes off with him tonight. How can someone do that? She saw and heard how much it upset me, as any normal person would that saw that, 4 days after I had stayed over as usual.

I'm in pieces

[VincenzoG91]

What you saw wasn't cheating, because she had already expressed her intention to break up with you, which is basically the same as just breaking up with you. But I suspect that she was cheating on you before the breakup, and she decided to dump you because she preferred the other guy. Her complete lack of apology so far should be a warning that you can expect nothing but pain from her from now on. Go no contact, get over her, and then get on with life. Yes, you will be sad and upset for a time, but soon enough you will be ready to meet someone who will treat you better than this.

[mrtdg82]

No I suppose it wasn't cheating as such. But we have had periods before where we were on the verge of breaking up but she does it as an attention seeking thing. To be honest, I thought that's what this was.

My main issue is the total lack of sympathy or an apology. She apologised kind of on the phone but only after telling me to apologise for banging on her window!

[Boisdevie]

So there were warning signs before that you chose to ignore

But we have had periods before where we were on the verge of breaking up but she does it as an attention seeking thing

And you didn't either stop her with this bulllshit manipulation or just leave her and her drama queen behaviour. You should have left before. So at least now you know where you stand. Move on.

[HeartIsAching]

I'd be willing to bet that she's been banging him for a little while now, and was looking for an excuse to break up with you.

[bessieb]

Sounds like someone to avoid at all costs. She didn't make you a priority when you would have wanted her to, she wanted to finish it and then strung you along. As hard as it is you're better off without her, an apology is going to make any difference and you're p***ing in the wind for any sympathy from her. Concentrate on you, your operation and recovering, she isnt worth your tears.

Good luck

[overanxious]

this is as horrible as it gets....as others have mentioned you have to accept that she was ready to move on and just kept stringing you along....it happens alot....some people are scared to let go...scared to break it to someone else that they want something else...and unfortunately they cant actually admit it to themselves until theyve already got something to move on to....in a perfect world they would be able to tell you straight up and make a clean break....and they dont realize they will probably hurt you worse in the long run doing something she did....its sad...it hurts...you will get over it in time....

[michelle23]

This is a lucky escape. Ten months in and all that drama? No relationship is worth this crap especially not in the early stages and she was cheating before she dumped you. Forget her and move on. Shes not worth it. I no its easier said than done but just stay strong. You will get over her. Life goes on

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[Tug]

Dude read the sociopath next door. Read on

4 percent of ordinary people—one in twenty-five—has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in twenty-five everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt.

"How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win".

[michelle23]

1 in 25? Really? Wheres the proof? Im not doubting you. Just sounds shocking.

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