Is groping, heavy kissing normal for a first date?

[smackie9]

That's understandable. Well take it from someone who dated lots.....you need to not be so trusting, especially these days with this type using the internet, seeking out naive ladies like yourself. Well you come away with this knowing you dodged a bullet, you are safe and a little not so naive anymore am I right? Take care.

[surfhb2]

I see what you all are saying. Thank you for that! I feel very stupid and naive. When he apologized through text, I kept talking to him. He said he wants to meet me and I should let him know when I am free. I told him, but he could not make it that day. He sent me a few nice messages (he does not call). I don't know what to think about him anymore.
Part of me screams "wake up, what kind of guy would pull out his salami on first date!?", but there is also other part which likes him because he is handsome, sweet and nice and can't believe there can be anything wrong about him since some of a people I know love him.
So I am pretty much stuck. I can't even stop thinking about him and it makes me sad. Sad because I think he may not like me the way I like him and also because I do not listen to logic part of my brain.

For those who said that I like what he was doing...I liked kissing and hugging. Soft touching from him. But I really did not like the way he groped me or touch my crotch. Plus that pulling out part was just too much.

So you're idea of a partner is a guy who's handsome, sweet, nice and pulls out his cock on the first date after you told him no ??

Personally, I think you're the one who's fuccked in the head

[searock]

You don't need to have slept with lots of men in order to know when a guy is NOT good news... if a guy does something, anything, that makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe, you should NOT be seeing that guy again. Learn how to recognize the signals your "gut" gives you, before it's too late (take it from someone that's been there, unfortunately).

[pcmaster]

Meet in public places and it shouldnt get worst than first date. If you will be able to tame guy his sex drive will turn into love.

[RyanJames]

My Guess is that you don't get to meet many men who are interested in you, so this one who is, is causing your natural "I want to shag" switches to be flipped. Your nature, your biological primary function, the reason you are on this planet, is pushing itself up to the surface and grabbing control of your body, your mind and your emotions and pushing you into a situation where reproduction could be possible. This need to reproduce is unconscious and extremely powerful and difficult to resist, partly because it operates in stealth mode. It can feel like "love" but it is not, don't be fooled. If your mind and moral code is saying that you do not want to have sex after knowing someone for such a short period of time, then try your best to listen to it but beware, that even your mind will be affected by your nature in time and the fantasies of what it would be like to be with this guy will take over and drive you into a situation that you may later regret. if that happens, then the only way to avoid regretting it, is to ensure you are clear that you may never see him again after he gets to shag you and that it is not love. Ideally you could do with a bit more experience with dating guys, so that you can put all this into perspective.

[TablesandChairs]

Clearly, he wanted to get whatever he could out of you then and there. He wants sex and is aggressive in his pursuit of it. Guys who want more (as in, a potential relationship) don't force all the bases on the one date...they actually want to get to know you. Don't confuse his sexual desperation with something else...it's got nothing to do with love or care. If he was decent, he would have backed off the moment you expressed unease.

Maybe a part of you enjoyed that sexually charged aggression but you need to think with your head. Thus far, not a good sign. I'd put it down to an internet desperate.

[basilandthyme]

*you must spread more reputation around before giving it to Searock again*

[searock]

Thanks Basil, I often get that message with you, too .

[DalM0m]

For those who said that I like what he was doing...I liked kissing and hugging. Soft touching from him. But I really did not like the way he groped me or touch my crotch. Plus that pulling out part was just too much.

You said you are naïve & not wise to the ways of men. I'll spell it out for you, even the most aggressive players who are "good guys" [meaning not rapists] at heart do not pull their junk out during a first encounter. This will not end well for you.

You remind me of a childhood friend who was also very naïve. While traveling out of state for a lengthy training program for work, she agreed to drive 4+ hours to another state to see a male friend from graduate school for a long weekend. She knew she would be staying with him in his apartment. She expected that she would be sleeping on the couch but they never talked about it. He took her to a nice, fancy, expensive dinner at a romantic candlelit restaurant but she never picked up on the ambiance or the quid pro quo.

I like fancy romantic restaurants as much as the next gal but I don't dine in them with my straight guy buddies & I certainly don't let them pick up the check.

After dinner my friend & her "date" returned to his apartment where he put on soft music, lit some candles & pored them an after dinner drink. Do you see where this is going? She didn't.

She called me from a pay phone (this was way before cell phones) about 1 hour away from his apartment as she drove back to her training program in tears. She was shocked that this guy tried to kiss her.

I calmed her down & assured myself that she was safe because there wasn't much else I could do from 1,000 miles away. The next day I called & explained to her that she had been giving this guy signals that it was OK for him to make a move. She should have insisted on a different restaurant. She could have gone Dutch. At a minimum, when they got back to the apartment, she should have turned on a light, blown out the candles, changed the music & sat on a chair not the couch.

I tell you all of this not to belittle my friend but to help you understand. If the guy in the story above had been the jerk you want to see again, I suspect this story would not have ended the way it did. Once you are alone with a man, you are putting an awful lot of trust in that guy. Most men are stronger than most women & if he resorts to brute force, you will be trouble.

Please kick this guy to the curb before he hurts more than your feelings.

[smackie9]

I had a friend in college that was naive about guys (she was 5 years older than me!). She was very friendly and would talk to anyone and I mean anyone. One time we were at a public pool sitting in the whirlpool when she started talking to this shady guy. During their conversation it turns out he just got out of jail. I tried to coax her out of there but I didn't have to try for he suggested we all sleep together as he tied to grope us under water. We got out of there quick. I gave her shit and told her how dangerous it was for doing that. It was just right over her head I swear. I went right over to a life guard and reported this scumbag. Anyways when we left the guy was waiting for us outside! I took matters into my own hand and told the guy I already reported him to security and he took off. I gave my GF a long lecture after that and how oblivious she is. So ya there are women out there that are THAT naive.

[glitter_bug]

Ditch him. Your instincts are telling you that you dont like this behaviour and you should always listen to your gut. If a guy was that forward with me on a first date, he would never see me again. Dont waste your time on this prat

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

I agree with michelle23.

[TablesandChairs]

Unless you get a bit wiser, you're going to potentially find yourself in a situation that you will very much regret. If this guy had wanted to rape you, he could have. Unless you're stronger than most women or have self-defense skills that can get you out of certain situations, you're leaving yourself very vulnerable. Meet in the public place. Have your own transport. Do not go to his house or have him come over to yours.

[ElizabethB]

I did not listen...

I met this guy again. I told him right the away that I did not like pulling his stuff out of pants and also that I can't sleep with him. He said he understands. After that, he was very sweet, nice and charming as before. Yes, he was kissing me and groping around again. It bothered me some but when he kissed my nose, my cheeks, hair, hands and gave me all those gentle kisses - I could not stop to like him. He would just hug me and cuddle for hours. I loved the way he looked into my eye. He was talking about our future, his life, asked about mine. He said that all of his ex did something wrong to him and that's why it did not work out. His words were always sweet and he was saying what I wanted to hear so much. He made me feel that he cares.

After 3rd meeting, he sent me text with " I think I am falling for you, babe" in it. I was happy but surprised. Why would you say it like this and that soon?
Two meetings later, I was in his car again. He started kissing me and play with me with his hand. I let him go into my pants. He put them down, got on the top of me and was trying to get me. I told him - each time we met - that I cannot sleep with him and he said he understands and it is ok. But when he was on top, he tried to get in. I told him to stop, I held him in my hand for a while and then let him just lay on me. How stupid and naive have to be to do this??? He was sweating like there is no tomorrow which did not make sense and even though I did say that I can't sleep with him, he got what he want. I did not stop him more and I guess he thought I am ready. After that, I felt used and empty. He asked if I feel bad that he "forced" me to have sex with him (or something with that meaning). I asked if that's all he wanted. He said no and he can prove it. I told him he will hurt me soon and he promised he won't.
Then we left. He went back to his state, texted me a few times to ask if I was ok and how much he misses me. Then, two days later he did not bother to reply my message. And I have not heard from him ever since.

I feel pretty miserable and empty. I blame myself for all of it. I thought he was who he was pretending to be... I just wonder what part of me his was falling for. I do like him and care about him and it hurts to see how he ignores me after all.
I was thinking about sending him email to tell him my point of view and how much he hurt me but I am not sure he would even care to read it.... I wish I was listening to my gut feelings and all of you. I learned my lesson and deserve it. All I do now is cry because it hurts so much.

[basilandthyme]

I'm so sorry you had this experience. But unfortunately, so much of life's lessons need to be learned from experience.

If this did happen as you describe, this is a case of rape. You made it clear numerous times that you didn't want sex and he did it anyway. Yes, you could have gotten out of the car, but the fact remains that this sex was had under duress.

Whether you want to take this further is up to you. Frankly, I'm not sure Id report it if I were you, but you may want to talk with a rape crisis counsellor.

Hugs to you.

[pcmaster]

Well you did resist for pretty long. He gave you a little love and you let him to do things that you dont like because of it.

Can you tell this story to a friend or counsellor? It would be much more reliefing not to cry alone.

In the end guy proved to be a sex addict. Traveling from another stade to date girl finaly lined up. Had no idea. It was mask all along. I would never do that so its hard to imagine that someone would.

Anyway if you can get past this then you will be stronger than ever. Try to find someone who listens to relief and share the pain. Friend or proffesional doesnt matter. Dont isolate yourself when you need support the most.

This pain just proves that you have beautiful heart thats still sensitive and able to feel and love. Pain will go away one day.

This video may help to understand guys better in future.