Recurring Issue with Dramatic Girlfriend. Help Greatly Appreciated

[wellsbrennan]

Firstly, me and my girlfriend are both 18, and have been dating for 9 months now. I do love this girl, and will work for the relationship. We got along fantastically for about 6-7 of those months, and the months after that she began to show some qualities of her mother like extreme dramatization of anything spoken (examples later), over reaction. These are the first two of four major problems, and they would be simple to fix save for the fact that the third major fault is her extreme defensiveness. She gets offended by anything I say nowadays and defends herself on any issue whatsoever. The last issue is that she is constantly trying to change me by picking on every single thing I do wrong in her eyes.

Before I go into an example conversation, I'll note that I am extremely calm when it comes to arguing. I very very rarely lose my cool, so I am not exaggerating my part in this mock conversation.

A mock conversation between the two of us:

Me: How was your day?

She may respond with anything, but for this example, has an angry tone for whatever reason

Me: Could you stop speaking in that mean tone please? (this often triggers her extreme defensiveness, but I can't think of another way to say it)

She would proceed to get mad, and defensive about how she doesn't have a tone saying something like "Really Brennan"

After that, she would argue about why I always have to say something and I would sometimes argue that she is over reacting quite drastically (although I rarely state this argument because it often goes nowhere with her defensiveness). I don't want to continue this way having to watch every single word I say to make sure it doesn't offend her. I don't know how to make her want to stop this...she knows she is dramatic, but does not realize she is being dramatic in the moment it happens.

Part Two of the Issues:

She always picks out the negatives in any given situation.

For example: She complains frequently that when I say hello to her mother, it isn't polite enough (meaning asking about her day and typical stuff like that for a minute or so). That is doable, so I say hello the next day to my girlfriends specifications, and instead of thanking me for my effort, she makes sure to find something else that she wasn't satisfied with... like when I sometimes read a book instead of converse with her family when they are gathered around the football game while my girlfriend is on an errand or located elsewhere..oftentimes I watch the game with them (although I do not like football). I more or less despise her family for various reasons, but I always appear friendly because they come with the girl. Anyway, I don't know how to get my girlfriend to stop focusing on the negatives constantly...its quite a depressant.

I've spoken with her about all of these 4 problems, but to no avail. Sorry for the long post. I would GREATLY appreciate any feedback, suggestions, ideas, or anything else anyone has to offer.

[basilandthyme]

You know how you got along really great for the first 6-7 months of the relationship? That's called the 'honeymoon phase'. It's when you both have your rose coloured glasses AND your best behaviour on. Then you both start to relax and turn into your real selves. What you're seeing now is the reality of her personality and your relationship. You may want to work for the relationship, but do you really want a girlfriend who's such a bitch?

Anyway, there's a reason she treats you this way: it's because you LET her. You have to grow a pair and stand up to her nonsense. From here you have two choices:

1. dump her
2. tell her that you are considering dumping her because of her behaviour. This option gives her the chance to rectify the situation, but there's a high risk that after she promises to change she'll return to doing what she's doing now. But also only proceed with this option if it's not an empty threat.

Dude, you are at the prime of your life and you sound like a nice guy. Don't let this cranky bitch spoil it all for you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her she's a whiny bitch and she needs to find a new boyfriend. Word for word.

[SweetLikeWasabi]

If her mother is that way too then I'm guessing she grew up in an enviornment where everything she did was looked upon negatively too,. She needs a good therapist to get over her issues if thats the case. If I we're you I'd run though because I'm also guessing shes,the type who wont take kindly to a therapist telling her that ahe has issues let alone how to fix them.