Closure?

[Sophia Lola]

It's been almost a year now since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. To give you an idea on how it went on, he broke up with me through online instant messaging. His reason was he does not see me with him 10 years from now. Ouch! I know it hurts to read that on instant messaging more so if I heard it as well. I remember I called him for the last time and wanted answers. I was in denial and wanted to mend things out. He hanged up on me for the first time and that hit me like a brick. I was hurt. It was the end of the line for us. Either way it was a total shocked to know that after we had been together for four years and built a life together at that period he would dare to say that and do that. The unfair part as well, he called it off on my last semester in university. I was so worried that I would not be able to graduate after the stress he put me into. I cried, questioned where I went wrong and was in denial for a couple of months. I was a mess. I reflected and got the support I needed from my family and friends. I was able to graduate.

He never called or messaged back and so did I. We did not have that closure. It was a bitter break up because he did not have the guts to tell me in person.

Part of me is saying, some things are better left unsaid, however, there is also a part of me that wants closure. I want to hear it from him in person but I am still not ready to face him. I just do not want to see him. My reason for this is that he is probably with someone now and I do not want to know the unknown. Plus, his life since we broke up, I have no part of it and so does he in my life. That is why, it is better to left situations like this untouched and buried.

The feeling that I hate the most is when I can not have both worlds that I wanted. It is the reality that is why life is never boring. I am happy that I finished school and got the profession I wanted, however, I failed in love. This year has been a roller coaster ride. It is true that time heals a broken heart, however, a scar will remain as a reminder. I want to date again but I feel I might hurt the person that I will be dating because I know I still think of my past relationship at times.

Respectful advices for this person who is in the process of letting go would be helpful.

[DalM0m]

Closure is a myth. You think there is something that he can say that will explain everything & make it magically hurt less. There isn't. If the other person even talks to you after the relationship is over -- highly unlikely -- they will probably lie to you about the reasons.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds like it was pretty closed to me. Sounds like you did the typical, irrational shit that he was trying to avoid in the first place. He hung up on you and hasn't spoken to you since. Sounds like a done deal to me, what are you looking for from him?

Try not being so ****ing melodramatic.

[overanxious]

Closure is a myth. You think there is something that he can say that will explain everything & make it magically hurt less. There isn't. If the other person even talks to you after the relationship is over -- highly unlikely -- they will probably lie to you about the reasons.

truth right there

[Maple1714]

Closure is a myth. You think there is something that he can say that will explain everything & make it magically hurt less. There isn't. If the other person even talks to you after the relationship is over -- highly unlikely -- they will probably lie to you about the reasons.

Yup, closure is a myth. Talking to him again will just re-open your wounds/pain. Let him go.

I've been in the "closure" cycle before. The reason why I first came to this forum. That cycle lasted 4 years and it was pointless and very hurtful. We both should have let it all die the very first time.