Not Sure if I Lost Him...

[pcmaster]

Good luck !

[okwhat2013]

Wow I don't know why I feel so bad because all my exes say I have no feelings. Lol I guess it's because I know insecurities are probably the number one reason why people have problems not only in relationships but life in general. On top of that they are so hard to resolve because they are usually deep rooted. With that said you know you have to get yours under control or you are going to keep posting the original post over and over again. Good luck man.

[Rowen]

Thanks, PC and okwhat, but it didn't happen. I texted asking him, and he never responded. So I guess maybe I'll just see what happens with conversation tomorrow? :S I hope giving him his space will work.

And you're exactly right, okwhat. If I don't do this, it will be the same post over and over again. I just have to take it a day at a time and keep working at it. I was good today, though, and did not over text or anything. He was training in a bank a block away from my cousin's house, and I did not go in to try to talk to him. Instead, I just preoccupied myself with taking care of my cousin's dog while she was at work, listening to music, reading, and talking to HIA. So I hope I'm improving this situation with him while I work on myself.

Now that I think about it, the way he was so joyed to talk to me this morning is a reminder that I don't want what happened in the past to be what happens to him.

[joanna1]

Best of luck, Rowen. Don't push too hard but always let him know you love and care in little ways still so he knows you are there to talk and work through things. He needs to be as supportive to you also. Thank you for what you said back to me in your other post *hugs* Thing about talking on phones over texting you can actually tell if someone loves you.

[woody]

Dear Rowen
REad your first post regarding this and a little of the one above.
Stop apologizing so much.. Why would one need to apologize for being a thoughtful and sensitive soul. Don't forget who you are and the love you have to offer.

In my opinion, many of us go on this site due to a certain type of need. A need to express, a need to be shown a level of compassion that perhaps many of us aren't receiving from our partners. This in and of itself is sort of sad.

You sound like a swell fella and if I could say one thing that may resonate it would be this; he is lucky to have you in his life. Stop saying your sorry so often. Embrace your wonderful self and know you are special.

[Rowen]

Thank you, joanna1 and Woody. Your kind words are very much appreciated. I still would like to try showing him I still love him and always will. I can't tell you how many times this weekend I thought about writing another love letter to him (I usually do at random times just because of the distance so he could have something to read again whenever we get lonely. He keeps my letters on the shelf of his headboard...or at least he did. :S I hope he still does...along with the toothbrush I forgot in his apartment in the dish by the sink. :S ). But I don't want the letter to be too suffocating and push him away so I'm not sure entirely if I should write one, as usually they're very intimate and passionate. Do you think I should, or should I wait a few days? What should I say if I do? ...Do you think he would have put the letters and the toothbrush away?

And as for my manner, I'm trying, Woody. But it stems from something inside me; I know that because it's been going on for years. So I need to confront it, but in the meantime as I work towards confronting and conquering it, you're right. I haven't been apologetic or clingy to him today. I merely texted him once, waited till he replied, and texted again. But I guess he wanted his space because he never responded. So tomorrow I'm going to just leave the ball in his court.. As far as luck goes, though, we were both very lucky to find one another. He's grown to be such a meaningful part of my life in so few months. But you're right that I need to remind myself he's lucky to have me too. If we didn't have each other, our lives would be a whole lot different.

Yet what words keep flowing through my head are Dave's-specifically those from an old text I saved. It reads: "I love you so much, Will, and I want the best for us. Together there won't be anything we haven't shared, experienced, learned from, bested, conquered, overcome, and won." And as they do, I feel those are words of truth, so I refuse to give up and will keep trying as you all have suggested. For me, I'll walk the line, so to speak, with him in mind. And as HIA suggested to me in our talks, I will tell Dave about my therapy as soon as our talks get a little more stable. I don't want to chase this one away, and I will honor every promise I ever made to him when I poured my heart out to him in the past. But for now, I guess I'll keep trying to give the space and hope it'll help me. It's hard at times, but I have to, just as you all have told me.

And thank you all for supporting me so far. I hope I can keep this up. :S

[Rowen]

Well, friends, thank you for your support. Yesterday morning surprisingly, Dave an I made up. He kept telling me how much he missed me and that he was sorry for how he acted during the week- that it was a case of where he was feeling like crap because he was sick anyway and that he let it get the best of him because usually he likes his space whenever he's sick (He's prone to ear infections.). I accepted his apology, as he told me that he would never doubt me and never wanted me to feel unloved and that he hoped I knew I was, and I told him that I didn't handle it as well as I should have either. I suggested we just work past it together, and he told me it was a misunderstanding- that he felt there was nothing to work past but to learn from in the future so it doesn't happen again. And that's when I told him about my therapy.

Surprisingly, instead of telling me that he thought it was a joke like I knew many others from my past would have, he told me whatever I needed I had.. That he fully supported my decision to work on myself because he already views me as a strong and emotionally free personality he loves being with already but that he'd like to see be a little more emotionally secure on my own by his side. Dave did add, though, that if I decided not to do this, he still supported me. He just wanted me to know how much he loves me and that he thinks of me as the most amazing guy he's ever met- that my happiness, to him, is the most important thing in where we stand right now.

We're going to continue taking it slow, just as we have, working towards what we both want for us. And I asked him about if he deleted the account, to which he told me he didn't get a chance yet but it'll be gone immediately because he has no reason to look for someone else. He told me that he is happy with me and that he never wants me to get hurt from us...that it wouldn't be worth cheating on me because he knows he would lose me for good. We even talked on the phone, to which he assured me again that I would never have anything to worry about with him because he wants us to work out as much as I do. Just thinking back on those talks right now make me smile. I will continue my therapy, and I will beat my insecurities because I want to be a stronger person. And I want it for Dave and I, as well, so he is never pushed away.

In short, if any of you ever have a thread you're really broken up about and need someone's help, support, or just an ear to listen, just know that I will ALWAYS put in a reply if I see it (You can even send me the link if you're really torn up about it.)- no matter how long you make your posts in it. I will be there because I'm very grateful right now that all of you have taken the time to respond and support me. Seriously, thank you.

As for me, I'm in love with a man twenty one years older than I, friends, but it feels like we've known each other our whole lives.

[dickriculous]

Glad it all worked out bro...I've really needed a heart warming story lately

[pcmaster]

LOL Rowen this is funny. Especially because you are gays. You look happy btw. To be honest I actualy was 80% joking when quoted your signature and later felt sorry cause that was evil thing to do.
But love proved again that impossible is possible. Quess Dave never had a reason to quit thats why he came back.

Its like you been the bich in this relationship. But I bet it will be Dave who naturaly will take bich role. Since you Rowen do more for your future and have higher value things that money cant buy. Once you realise your worth confidence wont be a problem.

I remember you once said that people are able to recieve only that much love as they believe to deserve.
This is actually first time when I see people coming back together on this forum.

[Valixy]

Great news and pic, Rowen. So happy for you

[Rowen]

Thank you, everyone!

I'm glad as well that this story continues onward in happiness. I would have been devastated if he had chose to leave me.

It's all good, PC. lol Yeah, I think Dave came to his senses and remembered how many excellent memories we shared together. Either that or he just chose me, but nevertheless I'm glad he's back. I certainly missed him. And thank you for that faith that I'll be able to conquer this. I know I can, and your support is very much appreciated.

As for Dave being "the bitch" in the relationship, I think we're both the bitch at some point. Haha He has his moments of weakness just as I have mine, but at the end of the day, he's still the strong man I've always admired. And I'm really grateful that things have worked. I know what you mean about the forums; it seems that so many come here too late. But, together as advice givers, we must try to help as we can with our suggestions as to what to do. If we do that, I'm sure many others can have happy endings to their tales too.

Thanks, Valixy! He's a really special guy.

[woody]

Really happy for you Rowen, really happy for you.
Now don't forget this special fact: He is lucky to have you too.
I know I've said that before but often we must create a self mantra of reassuring re pore.
He does sound like a lovely fellow and so do you. WE're all human here and everyone needs time and space once and awhile. This is not rejection but simply one's need to create an area to better themselves, re boot if you will so when they are with their S.O their 'clear' and feeling good.

Embrace this wonderful journey and never, ever forget who you are and all you have to offer. Self love babe. Self love.

[Rowen]

Thank you, Woody, for those kind words. I'll definitely continue to try to remind myself that. It's just tough sometimes because I wonder if he's pulling away because he's unhappy or that I did something wrong... :S I love him dearly, but for me, I sometimes have to battle these thoughts because always in the past, it meant the guy wanted nothing to do with me. That's why it kind of blindsided me when we admitted to each other that we love one another; I never expected it. It just sort of popped out in a conversation we were having as he held me close. And I know he loves me very much...I just hope I can win against this and that we'll have a good relationship together.

[joanna1]

Wonderful news, for you both, Rowen. I am pleased it all worked out and resolved so quickly although it probably felt like forever for you because you love him so much. I don't think love should consider itself with age, maybe you are an old soul in a young mans body and you understand your boyfriend better than most his age would or have. Much future happiness.

[woody]

Thank you, Woody, for those kind words. I'll definitely continue to try to remind myself that. It's just tough sometimes because I wonder if he's pulling away because he's unhappy or that I did something wrong... :S I love him dearly, but for me, I sometimes have to battle these thoughts because always in the past, it meant the guy wanted nothing to do with me. That's why it kind of blindsided me when we admitted to each other that we love one another; I never expected it. It just sort of popped out in a conversation we were having as he held me close. And I know he loves me very much...I just hope I can win against this and that we'll have a good relationship together.

Ro, when you say "I know he loves me very much...I just hope I can 'win' against this" what do you mean by that? Win against it?
May I say that it sounds like you deem yourself unworthy when you say things like this. Don't think that notion doesn't manifest itself. Rowen, you need to drive it on home; the self love we spoke of earlier. What happened to you that makes you think like this?
You need to accept the fact that your a lovable man; that you deserve to be loved and to love. Please.