Real Messed Up Situation! (2 Girls)

[BoBBYI986]

Hi Guys,

I am really in a mess at the moment and cannot decide what to do with myself, I have two girls in my life at the moment, baby momma and new girlfriend.

I was doing a stupid thing, I was cheating on my baby momma with this new girl :/ but the reason for me cheating is because she did it to me (I know two wrongs don't make a right) I was angry for months on end at what she did to me, everyday I would go mad at her. So one night I met this new girl and cheated on her (was just a kiss) after that night me and this new girl had an affair behind my baby mommas back for 3 months, eventually obviously she found out and left me, took my child away from me :/

Me and this new girl have been dating for 4 months and I have an arrangement with my baby momma to pick my son up every Friday (week on, week off basis), which I always do, but sometimes I end up cheating on the new girl by having sex with my baby momma :/

At the moment both girls love me, my baby momma wants to come back to me and this new girl knows that I have cheated on her but is willing to forgive me. Both girls talk to each other over the phone / texts, basically telling one another to go away he wants me etc.

I want what is best for my child which is for his parents to be together but I have more feelings for this new girl than my baby momma, I also go sick when my baby momma tells me she is meeting a new guy for a drink / date.

I have my baby momma telling me if we don't get back together I can only see my son at weekends and the thought of another man in her and my sons life drives me crazy, I cant stand it.

Me and the new girl get on very well, she keeps telling me she loves me. I recently told her I think I'm getting back with my baby momma and obviously she goes sick and starts doing stupid things, getting drunk and constantly texting me when she's drunk saying she loves me. I really care for her, I don't want any harm to come to her.

The new girl keeps saying she is going to block my number etc, but keeps unblocking it and sending me message saying why have you done this to me etc.

I know this is my own fault for doing this, a lot of you will most likely think I'm an idiot but I'm only human and do make mistakes, I do not want to hurt any of these girls, all I know is I will do anything to see my son has the best life he can.

but what option do I choose to make sure he has the best life? I really cannot decide what to do, I am stuck in this mess which I created.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Go to court and get a custody arrangement ironed out so she can't arbitrarily say when you can and can't see your child. Other than that, sounds like you got it made, playboy.

[TheEvilJester]

This is definitely a tough situation. First off, cheating was wrong in the first place. But, I gather from your post that you do understand that. Just because she cheated on you, it doesn't make it right to do the same to her. Though, I must readily admit that it does cause me to have a lot less sympathy for her for the situation. Almost like payback from karma.

Anyway, unfortunately nobody can really tell you what to decide. That really does have to come from you. I can imagine it must be tough thinking of another man possibly raising your child. However, that happens a lot these days. The most important thing you can do is to make sure that, no matter what, you are a part of your child's life. It is extremely important not to be with somebody just because you have a kid together. People often seem to think it is right for the kid to stay together. Sure, ideally it is nice when a child's parents are together. However, what is much more important to the kid is that everybody is happy. If you wind up stuck in an unhappy relationship, that can be so much more damaging to a child.

So, if it seems like you and the mother of your child would not make a good match, then it would be best not to force it. If that is the case, then you need to be as cordial to her as possible, and you definitely need to talk to a lawyer and be sure to get your rights protected. Hopefully you and her could come to a friendly agreement, but if she tried to keep you from your child, you need to do what you can to protect your legal rights.

If you do think that you and the mother of your child could possibly be a good match, then you owe it to yourself to really ponder if you think it could work. If you think it has a chance, then it could be worth trying to be together. Just, as I said, don't try to force it just because you have a kid together. Either way, good luck. I hope you figure out what is best, and I hope it works out.

[BoBBYI986]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for you response. I think I have made my mind up now and it's to be with the baby's momma for the sake of our child and I think this time we can make it work.

As for the new girl she is very sour, she keeps phoning me texting me abuse. she is saying things like "your baby momma will just cheat on you again, when she does don't come back to me".

I can understand her pain and very sorry for what I have done to her, I have also said I would still like to be friends but not sure if that will work.

[4 ratties]

Why not be single because u have no idea how to be in a relationship and you can't keep it loyally in your pants. The only way for no one to get hurt is for u to be smart and be single. If u don't know which one to pick then u shouldn't pick any at all. That isn't love.

[TablesandChairs]

She cannot dictate when/if you see your child. Seek legal advice so you don't have to succumb to her threats. Do you actually want to be with a person who blackmails their child's father like that? Essentially using the child as a pawn? That's a trashy thing to do. A good parent says 'Okay well...as much as I might not like you, your my child's father and I want them to have a father figure'. An idiot says 'If you're not with me you can't see your baby'. If you want to re-unite, okay - but don't do so just for the child because it will fail. People far more together than you have tried and failed at that.

[J.Sphynx]

No arguments there, yes you are a "idiot".

The only viable solution I think would be best for all concerned is to ditch both girls, sort yourself out and concentrate on what it means to be a "father". You don't need to be in a serious relationship with the mother to your child for the sake of the child, you two weren't mature enough, nor were you secure in one's selves to keep your relationship sacred.

You will do nothing but fight and accuse each other of past mistakes, therefore allowing a child to be raised amongst hatred not love.