Is ignorance bliss?

[Ignorancebliss?]

Hello there

I am a phd student and have been in a relationship with a girl for about 18 months.
It started out well with intimacy and great times together. My gf was also going through her phd at the time that I ended up helping/writing it up for her. She was always stressed out about things from the get go and I thought the best was to support her as I have learned to do for people on many occasions more so for people I love so very much.

She eventually found a job that I helped her get with interview and application help. I never asked for any gratitude as I believe that love is not for me, its for the other person and hopefully this is shared by her also.

I found out a few months ago that she has complaints about me that she has not informed me of. She has also made herself available to suiters as when asked if she was in a relationship she opted to say NO.

When confronted of this she just lashed out at me to gain moral high ground for her actions.

I never got any answers on that and probably this did me more harm.

I have now been told that she is being patient and sort of loosing interest and this all stems from the fact that I do not have yet to find a job despite trying to find one intensively.

Her 'excuse' is that she was front with me from the beginning of our relationship. I feel that she does not believe I will find job. But then on the other hand I ask myself if I do find a job how will I be treated. Better or just as bad?

When I discuss how I feel about the treatment I receive she says I am whining.

She now lives an hour away for her job and I a have stayed behind as she tells me we are independent people and that I should not be following her around i.e. move in with her. I only offered the idea nothing more.

We have had great times and I have made her aware of that. I just feel that I am trying for both of us. But this is straining as there is no sign from her behalf that she feels any love for me.

I have been told, due to my financial situation that she has to look out for her interests and needs and her life.

My question though is how does someone who admitted to be that I was the only person who could have helped her at the most stressful time in her life and that she could not have done anything without me, now just act so cold.

Is it just down to her using me?

Constant temper and instigating fights.

I am aware logic has no place in this since actions are carried out without taking this under consideration on many occasions.

I have decided to give her space even though it hurts me as I feel I am neglecting her.

There is relationship advice in the form of books on the internet but that stuff is just not for me.

I am aware though that giving space is supposed to work in situations like this.

Is there hope?

[Boisdevie]

She used you but it's your own stupid fault because you LET HER USE YOU. Do you have such little self respect that you've put up with this kind of crap?

[Ignorancebliss?]

She used you but it's your own stupid fault because you LET HER USE YOU. Do you have such little self respect that you've put up with this kind of crap?

Thank you for your response. Do you propose to become distant and begin to treat her in the bad way she deserves to be treated?

[RobertWQ]

She has also made herself available to suiters as when asked if she was in a relationship she opted to say NO.

Break up with her immediately. IMO she does not love you, or she would not be predicating your being together on your short-term financial prospects.

[FAndrews]

lose her, she clearly doesn't believe you are good enough for her and is trying to manipulate you into someone that is. her actions are cruel, two-faced and clearly doesn't trust or care for you.

[Maple1714]

Time to move on. She is treating you very badly and does not love you.

[HeartIsAching]

A P.H.D. Student that can't spell? I smell troll.