One Girl Responds Badly to Good Gestures and Another Does the Opposite .. Why?

[RobertWQ]

So some of you may have read my thread about two women who are each in my chem and bio labs respectively at school. To catch anyone new to reading this up on the situation, I'm going to post what I thought was the most astute (and predictively true) analysis about both girls by member xkandakex

So here's my analysis of these two girls.

"Asian Girl": She likes to keep her relationship options wide open. This is normal behavior. She does like to have you around, but then again, she likes to have lots of guys around since she sees them as useful. I mean, come on, she's got guys driving her around, bringing her food, helping her study and carrying her stuff. She's a 'princess'. Serve me, man servants! Having several Asian girlfriends myself, I can tell you, 5 out of 6 of them are princesses, like they expect the world to wait for them. Not to perpetuate stereotypes, but that's just how they are. If you want to pursue her, go for it, but don't expect her to pay much attention to you. Also, take her dressing and makeup habits with a grain of salt. She's not doing it to look good for you, she's doing it for herself. She loves the attention she gets when she looks good.

"Horn of Africa Girl": She's much more down-to-Earth. Yes, she likes you. She was trying to drop hints all over the place, but it sounds like you repeatedly dropped the ball. Most guys are horrible at taking hints, but that's how women communicate: indirectly. If a girl invites you to do something, take the invite. If she talks about a restaurant she likes, take her out to dinner. This is a woman's way of asking a man out. As for her 'boyfriend', one of two things are going on. She is currently in a relationship that she does not like and is looking to break it off - but only if she can find a better one. Or, she is bluffing in order to make you jealous and get your attention. Either way, she wants your attention. If you do indeed like her enough to start a relationship, then give her the attention she's been asking for. With this girl, you will need to take the initiative.

So really, take your pick depending on what sort of relationship you'd be more into. They're both interested in you.

This excellent analysis has pretty much proven to be right on as you'll see in a moment:


To update what has happened:


First Girl: The girl I was initially most interested in. I asked her if she would like to get coffee with my sometime after finals, and she said:


"Sounds good! We can plan it when Christmas break is closer, I think we should study for (our class') final together if possible because I think it would help me a lot!"


So, it sounded like we have a "date," and she suggested some additional time of her own volition. However, I still can't really tell if she's just using me for attention / help or what. I sent her back an email I thought was not too sweet but mentioned getting together over Thanksgiving break, and she sent back a message where she drops the name of a guy, again (this time our prof, who a lot of girls think is cute) ... and then said (in response to my saying we could meet either over Thanksgiving break or during the school week):

"Sounds good we'll plan to meet someday!"


So that's kind of vague ... "someday" ... who knows how much to read into it.


However, there's a larger pattern here with this girl. It basically goes, I will say or do something sweet / kind / or showing interest, and she will throw like a little dart right into my emotional center (or however you want to describe it) by bringing up some other guy. She does this again and again ... and, she also, honestly, doesn't really pay as much attention to me as I would like.


With this girl, it's like: I do something positive / attentive / sweet, and she responds meanly to it by deliberately bringing up other guys when I'm "opening up" / "vulnerable" or whatever you want to call it.


So what I want to know is, why would a girl do this? It's like she responds negatively to positive stuff (and often seems to respond positively to negative stuff). I know this is nothing new behaviorally for women, but my question is what about her (and / or me) makes her act like this?



Now, on to the other girl.

I had written this girl off for the most part after she dropped the boyfriend line (same behavior). However, she had asked me to email her and I did this weekend, and she responded in a kind way, saying that she would bring me a book for next semester (her offer after she dropped the boyfriend line, see the original thread if curious).


I still had planned to just forget it because I really don't appreciate when girls do that kind of thing. However, today before class she surprised me by coming up to me and just straight up asking for my number. She said she left the book in her car and that she'd call me when I'm on campus to meet her to get it. Clearly she doesn't really need my number to do that. And then after class today we were walking and she said she would text me tonight about the book.

Now this girl to me responds oppositely of the first girl. She tends to bring up other men or respond negatively to NEGATIVE things, and as far as I can tell, responds positively to positive gestures. This to me is a healthier behavior, and has made me think that perhaps I am mistaken in putting the first girl first, so to speak. In fact, I'm getting so sick of the first girl only paying me half a degree of attention that I'm getting ready to just kind of stop caring. And certainly I won't be letting the first girl (the asian girl) interfere with my willingness to get involved with the above girl.


So my main questions here are:


- One girl responds negatively to good things, and the other responds positively to good things (and vice versa) ... what does it say about each girl (and / or me) that this is how they behave?


- Is the first girl really that interested, or is she mainly just using me for attention / academic help?

[SweetLikeWasabi]

The first girl is totally using you for attention. I've read your other thread too and its blatantly obvious she has little to no.interest in you as a significant other. Which is a good thing, do you really want to date a woman who uses men like that? Do you think.if she did date you that she would start treating you better?

Girl #2 likes you but either has a bf or is using the bf line to keep you from pursuing her, due to whatever reason from , She's not sure how much she likes you to...,She likes you but is afraid of getting hurt.

I say forget about them both as potential girlfriends, and find a woman who wants you and shows her interest in you in an appropriate way.

Good luck OP

[RobertWQ]

I kind of think you're overeager to make negative statements and you almost seem like you enjoy telling people stuff like "she has no interest in you." I am giving you some information in text but I also spend time with both of these girls and see things that call into question what you just wrote. I swear, this forum is full of busybody women who like putting men down and stud-muffin guys who act like they know everything about women. But thanks for the feedback.


If you're going to tell me it's blatantly obvious, then you need to explain how and why based off of what I've written so I can see how you reasoned about it.

And could someone please answer my overall question in the title? Thanks.

[SweetLikeWasabi]

Thats quite alot you pulled from my response. Someone gets touchy when they dont hear what they want to huh?

[RobertWQ]

No, because remember I was ready to hear (and still am from someone who can analyze what I've written thoughtfully) that she is mainly using me for attention. And I'm not here to argue with you either. I want sensible, measured feedback rather than gleeful "It's blatantly obvious she's not into you!"

If you want to post a useful response, then tell me what in what I wrote is leading you to the conclusions you drew. Then I can compare what you say with the total amount of information I have ... like, how this girl looks at me, acts around me, how she always seems to physically try to get between me and other women, how she sends our other lab partners off so it's just me and her, how she's always willing to go with me someplace, how she gets excited / brightens up when she sees me, etc.



And if girl two is really "using the boyfriend line to keep me from pursuing her," then why did she come up to me today and ask for my phone number so she can "give me her old textbook for next semester?" Gosh some of you can't even read properly before forming an opinion.

It's just not as simple as you're describing, and that's what pisses me off. You act like you know everything absolutely, and you don't. The best you can even do from my post is make a guess based on minimal information.

[basilandthyme]

I swear, this forum is full of busybody women who like putting men down and stud-muffin guys who act like they know everything about women.......

And could someone please answer my overall question in the title? Thanks.

You insult everyone and then want someone to take the time to give a thoughtful response? ha ha ha

[Boisdevie]

I swear, this forum is full of busybody women who like putting men down and stud-muffin guys who act like they know everything about women.

I'm a stud muffin guy who knows nothing about women so that makes your theory completely invalid.

[RobertWQ]

I'm not insulting everyone on the forum basil, just people who like to leap to conclusions and get a kick out being overly confident in proclaiming someone's absolute lack of interest when they don't have all the information.

If I remember correctly, you told me on my prior thread that the girl who came up to me yesterday and asked me for my phone number had no interest in me ... so maybe you need to look at how you answer posts instead of coming to complain that people are going to push back on the type of advice you give.


Anyway, if someone wants to either give some thoughtful feedback on my post, OR, simply answer the question in the title "What does it say about a woman who responds negatively to positive attention, vs. one who responds positively to positive attention," I'd appreciate it.

[RobertWQ]

Ok, so I went a little over a day without emailing her (we usually email back and forth frequently, mostly about lab work but far more than with other group members), and she emailed me the following:


"Question!

Hi Robert! So for the [Assignment], do we use only our data or the whole class data? I think it's class data but I'm not sure"


She probably did not have to email this question to me (could have asked TA, etc.) ... so it seems like she noticed the lack of emailing ... eventually all the analysis is going to have to just give way to what happens when and if we spend more time together, but thoughts?

Also, I should add that in class when she was playing with her phone, I thought I saw a prom-like picture of her with a guy dressed up (maybe that guy she brought with her who showed up about half an hour into our study period). Now he did not introduce himself as her boyfriend, and she later referred to him not as her boyfriend but as "that guy you met," so I'm not sure if she has a boyfriend or what, but she is obviously capable of making her own choices about who she wants to be with.

[RobertWQ]

Ok, so I went a little over a day without emailing her (this is the first girl) (we usually email back and forth frequently, mostly about lab work but far more than with other group members), and she emailed me the following:


"Question!

Hi Robert! So for the [Assignment], do we use only our data or the whole class data? I think it's class data but I'm not sure"


She probably did not have to email this question to me (could have asked TA, etc.) ... so it seems like she noticed the lack of emailing ... eventually all the analysis is going to have to just give way to what happens when and if we spend more time together, but thoughts?

Also, I should add that in class when she was playing with her phone, I thought I saw a prom-like picture of her with a guy dressed up (maybe that guy she brought with her who showed up about half an hour into our study period). Now he did not introduce himself as her boyfriend, and she later referred to him not as her boyfriend but as "that guy you met," so I'm not sure if she has a boyfriend or what, but she is obviously capable of making her own choices about who she wants to be with.

[RobertWQ]

Well, solved this problem. I found the first girl on Facebook... "that guy you met" (as she referred to him later to me), is actually her boyfriend of "two and a half years." Girls can be so duplicitous. She should have told me she had a boyfriend from the start (not just as the right thing to do vis a vi me but also her boyfriend), but chose to omit it despite every opportunity. This is part of why I'm cynical about women.

[SweetLikeWasabi]

Told you she had zero interest. You should listen more instead of acting like a huge phallus. You might actually learn something that way, somehow I doubt it though.

[RobertWQ]

You're still wrong, because you still exaggerate someone's lack of interest, like I said in my original post. She doesn't "have zero interest," but she did hide the fact that she had a boyfriend from me despite numerous opportunities to mention him. Usually when a girl has "zero interest," she won't do all the things this girl did and hide the boyfriend.


You like to make men feel bad, like I already stated. You overstate a women's lack of interest to hurt feelings, probably because you're taking out your own anger, or you're just nasty, bitter, and green (jealous), like your namesake. Try not overstating things in the future and people might take your advice more seriously. I'm done arguing this though.

[ChloeGirl]

Every girl is different. The sooner you realize this, the better.

[RyanJames]

Robert, do you have sex regularly?