Expectations from a girlfriend?

[searock]

When will you see her in person? Whose idea was it to set the issue aside for now?

[searock]

Anyway as I told you, the age thing is the explanation for your relationship problems. You both see her as the "adult" and you as the "kid" in the relationship, and this will not change in time. I don't see this going well.

And no need to get all pissy about it, lol.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

This site has been a catalog of male pussification lately.

Searock, do you really have to ask whose idea it was to table this discussion? That broad has this kid wrapped around her finger. I honestly don't know why he's complaining. I've been in a similar situation, and did feel some of the same things, but looking back, I should've just smiled and enjoyed the ride..which is probably what this sissy should do.

[Silent Siren]

Also, what have I said at all that makes me sound clingy in any form? expecting a birthday wish on your b'day from your partner is clingy? or expecting some form of affection or compliments from your partner is also clingy?

I wouldn't necessarily say clingy but some things you are doing would be a turn off to me if I were her and doing what she's doing. She doesn't sound like she's all that into it as of this moment. That's not to say that she wouldn't be later but what you're doing and saying to her will push her away. You're placing expectations on her like trying to make her feel guilty for not giving you what you need to be happy. Saying things like "You could at least...blah blah blah" would be a turn-off.

Maybe she isn't right for you since you two don't seem to be in the same place in the relationship. At this point, she feels she doesn't owe you anything and that you shouldn't expect things from her. If you keep demanding things from her, you're not going to have to worry about being done with her. She will be done with you. It's so early in the relationship that you should probably just leave it be.

And the birthday thing? If she were really into the relationship, she would have made it a priority to help you celebrate your birthday.

[MMX]

I wouldn't necessarily say clingy but some things you are doing would be a turn off to me if I were her and doing what she's doing. She doesn't sound like she's all that into it as of this moment. That's not to say that she wouldn't be later but what you're doing and saying to her will push her away. You're placing expectations on her like trying to make her feel guilty for not giving you what you need to be happy. Saying things like "You could at least...blah blah blah" would be a turn-off.

Maybe she isn't right for you since you two don't seem to be in the same place in the relationship. At this point, she feels she doesn't owe you anything and that you shouldn't expect things from her. If you keep demanding things from her, you're not going to have to worry about being done with her. She will be done with you. It's so early in the relationship that you should probably just leave it be.

And the birthday thing? If she were really into the relationship, she would have made it a priority to help you celebrate your birthday.

I did say earlier that that she is just very closed up and has trouble opening up. I plan on breaking up with her, it's not the other way around. Judging by her reaction she is more or less threatened by what I said & that's understandable. However, if she were that upset and didn't want to be with me I couldn't care less either upon putting in my efforts. A breakup is a breakup regardless of who does it to who the end result is the same. Normally you want to try to fix things up than take that route in a relationship which is what I'm doing. If I didn't come to feel how I should be felt, I have no reason to be with her. It doesn't make either of us the "bad person" but just means we aren't just meant for each other then.
I did also say how she has put in effort after I've addressed issues to her. Either she doesn't know common sense or she is just too shy that everything from asking me how my day went to this and that is tough for her. Like I said before, she's the most closed minded person I've ever been with. She said once she doesn't trust her own feelings from past situations which shows a sign of insincerity.
My point is if I tell her something she applies herself. Like I asked her one-day it would be hard to maybe show some interest in my day and let alone txt me first once in awhile. Once I mentioned that to get she's always constantly been the first one texting me and so on. She's still closed like she won't talk properly unless I being up a subject but once that is done she doesn't shut up. So what does that tell you?
More over, I'm the one who told her to go away on her trip. At one stage she said she wanted to cancel it for me but I said don't worry as you had this planned out before we even met and because it was for a friend's birthday. Then also once I told her I'm not materialistic and I don't want gifts so for my birthday she semi planned a getaway for both us and I was happy about it but it never happened as work came in the way for me. So regardless of everything, she has some good in her as well and unless she bloody cared about me, she wouldn't be doing or thinking those things. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt since I know that might just naturally be like this and it's tough for her to communicate her feelings openly.

PS: I think it's normal to want to communicate your feelings and expectations openly especially if the person can't pick up on it or acknowledge it as easily. I'm not trying to push her away but I will have to lay out what I need from her. It's fair because if she can't provide I shouldn't take be with her. There's no hard feelings but at least I know that I've tried and gotten things off my chest. The problem is what comes naturally to me might not so much come naturally to her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're trying to draw blood from an onion. When onion juice comes out, you're calling it blood.

This last post sounds like you have a bit more of a grip, but it's pretty obvious she's just going to placate you.

[searock]

I think it's normal to want to communicate your feelings and expectations openly especially if the person can't pick up on it or acknowledge it as easily. I'm not trying to push her away but I will have to lay out what I need from her. It's fair because if she can't provide I shouldn't take be with her. There's no hard feelings but at least I know that I've tried and gotten things off my chest. The problem is what comes naturally to me might not so much come naturally to her.

Exactly. Just follow through with this and you'll be fine whichever way it goes :-). Do it sooner rather than later (talking to her, I mean).

And BackUp has a point: if she is unable to give you the kind of relationship you want/need, you should stop seeing her rather than wait and hope that she'll change. However, I'd give it some time (like a couple months) to see whether it's just the novelty of her situation that's making her be less affectionate than you want (due to the fact that she was single for a long time before meeting you), or if she's just like that all the time (with you at least).

So my advice is: talk to her in person asap, tell her everything you told us here. If she says she'll try and wants to make it work, give her a couple months. If things don't get better, break up with her. Otherwise just enjoy!

[Obviously the two months thing is only if you are invested enough in this relationship to want to give it a try for that long.]

[MMX]

You're trying to draw blood from an onion. When onion juice comes out, you're calling it blood.

This last post sounds like you have a bit more of a grip, but it's pretty obvious she's just going to placate you.

You have a point. If I can't get anything out of her now, I probably won't in the future. It is tough. I hope you get where I'm coming from as I do really like this girl. When it becomes too hard to deal with, not much more to do.

We are both calm now and I'd rather it just remain like that for now, regardless of the end result.

[MMX]

So here's the update. I talked to her on Saturday night in person. She felt as if she couldn't communicate what she needed to say that night so she didn't say anything. We kinda made up and she got on top of me kissed me and we ended up having sex.

Tonight she messages me saying she has things to say to me which she couldn't the other night. So she goes on and on about hoe she likes me a lot and how we are all compatible and stuff and then goes on to say that she feels something is missing between us then we come to realize that its chemistry obviously. So that possibly explains as to why she acts distant or selfish.

Anywho, we both argued for about an hour or 2 on text & I just called it off with her. I honestly don't feel like I have the patience or mentality in me to have this conversation with her in person without lashing out verbally at her. I'm annoyed at her as I didn't see it coming & it's only been a short time that I've been seeing her so I assumed we'd eventually let it be figured out over time through simple conversations than one serious heated one like this. I basically felt as if I've been led on all this time. She kept saying she enjoyed spending time with me and we are compatible and so on but I find all of that worthless to me unless she were to see enough in me to give it a good chance. But, I think I'd be convincing myself to know that the chemistry would have come later. The thing is that she never showed signs of that as we always seemed to be very well intimately and personally. So I'm missing the point here somehow.

I'm heart broken but I'm moreover frustrated and very disappointed. I felt I had a lot going for her. However, if she can't appreciate me or give me what I want I can't be with her obviously. It's evident that if she feels that chemistry is missing and that's why she can't make me feel the way I need to be felt as a boyfriend so its a easy enough decision to not to be with someone who can't give me what I seek in a relationship.

I need to get over this as fast and as efficiently as possible since I have a graduation ceremony coming up soon among many other things. Anyone wants to point out the ways I can cope and just move on, please feel free to suggest me some ideas. Obviously I'm going to be hurting very very very bad right now and for the next few days and I don't really have anyone to discuss this with.

[searock]

Why don't you have anyone to discuss this with? The first thing I was going to suggest is to meet with friends and spend time with them and (if possible) your family... well if that's out of the question, just make sure you keep yourself busy with work, hobbies, anything to keep your mind from wallowing into despair or something. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Smoke some weed and eat some ice cream.

[pcmaster]

Get counselling man or find a volounteer listener. At least call a trustphone. Hug a tree. Anyway theres a lot of things you can do to move on. Here is some of them

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup


Looks like this girl took a very common passive stance in this relationship. She let you invest and run around her while she was just enjoying positive emotions. She was lazy and didnt even had to do much. From my expierience its when girl dont find enought sexual attraction. Could be she was cheating, more aroused by other guys.

Its smarted not do more than than girl does in relationship so you dont get carried away and overly attached. Good that you trusted your gut and figured it out on your own. Some people even get married in this kind of relationship. Maybe its not a good feeling by dodging a bullet now but no one knows what future holds.

Theres some decent girls out there ^_-

[MMX]

Get counselling man or find a volounteer listener. At least call a trustphone. Hug a tree. Anyway theres a lot of things you can do to move on. Here is some of them

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup


Looks like this girl took a very common passive stance in this relationship. She let you invest and run around her while she was just enjoying positive emotions. She was lazy and didnt even had to do much. From my expierience its when girl dont find enought sexual attraction. Could be she was cheating, more aroused by other guys.

Its smarted not do more than than girl does in relationship so you dont get carried away and overly attached. Good that you trusted your gut and figured it out on your own. Some people even get married in this kind of relationship. Maybe its not a good feeling by dodging a bullet now but no one knows what future holds.

Theres some decent girls out there ^_-

You're probably right. It's good that I realized what I needed to do. At the end of the day I broke up with her and I'm happy I did so. I don't want to invest too much into someone who is very dull and unsocial. I do know that she wasn't cheated on me or anything else. She was heavily focused on me during the time we did date and we had plenty of sex but that's what I find the strangest. She says we have no actual "spark". I acknowledged that I felt there was something slightly missing to but not to the extent where we'd have to possibly end things. It's completely weird and caught me off guard as in person she is very intimate and affectionate with me and talks openly at a deeper level. So I really didn't see this coming.

Anyways, what's done is done. I think I'm kinda holding up fine because I feel more or less hating her than myself. Because I managed to realize that she isn't worthy enough to have me or deserve me. By channelling together all the negatives things about her and all the thinks I disliked about her, it makes it gives me a little more relief to make myself understand that I can find someone much better than her.

[pcmaster]

Anyways, what's done is done. I think I'm kinda holding up fine because I feel more or less hating her than myself. Because I managed to realize that she isn't worthy enough to have me or deserve me. By channelling together all the negatives things about her and all the thinks I disliked about her, it makes it gives me a little more relief to make myself understand that I can find someone much better than her.

Theres actually guide abot how one should write down on paper all the negative thinks about his ex on the paper and from begining there no much things but daily doing it the list increaases and its much easier to get over ex cause in the end loss is not so big. Sometimes you think how amazing is girl but later it proves to be sh!t.

Ofcourse its good to see the best in people and let them know it but once theres only positive thoughts about person the loser gona be you. Negative things is as much importand as good ones. Cause they create balance. Then again sometimes you see only reflection of yourself in the girl so its impossible to think something bad about person and she seems perfect and becomes almost like God and you think this is heaven. Then comes fall to hell and coming back to earth. You know you been high when feeling low.

[MMX]

Theres actually guide abot how one should write down on paper all the negative thinks about his ex on the paper and from begining there no much things but daily doing it the list increaases and its much easier to get over ex cause in the end loss is not so big. Sometimes you think how amazing is girl but later it proves to be sh!t.

Ofcourse its good to see the best in people and let them know it but once theres only positive thoughts about person the loser gona be you. Negative things is as much importand as good ones. Cause they create balance. Then again sometimes you see only reflection of yourself in the girl so its impossible to think something bad about person and she seems perfect and becomes almost like God and you think this is heaven. Then comes fall to hell and coming back to earth. You know you been high when feeling low.

Well said. It's not like she has no positives but if I spend too much time thinking about the things I liked in her, then I will just start missing her. Apparently all I had going for her was the fact that we got along well and had similar interests (we watched the same movies and shows, then again this day end age who doesn't watch shows like supernatural). That is about it. Nothing more than that. There was nothing special about her that would make her stand out from the others I've dated.