Upset he wasn't included in the decision - why does that bother me so? claustrophobic

[random20]

My boyfriend of 5 months are involved in some activities together - a shared common interest. We have a few dates on the calendar that are more or less optional for me to go. I'm not required other than to be there in support. Problem is most of our dates are 2 hrs drive for me (near where he lives). This evening going through my calendar I decided I was not going to go to one in particular because I was already going to be in that area that day before and I did not want to do the driving back to back (not possible for me to stay overnight, gotta be back home during the day). So when we got on the phone later I said something like "looked at my calendar and I'm not going to go to this date because... yadda yadda". Then he says very nicely "I wish you would include me on the decision before you just go make the decision.".... I was VERY annoyed by that? His request was kind and I kinda see the point because I just had my very independent mindset of this is what I'm going to do and that is that - and probably made him feel left out. But I think it makes me feel claustrophobic - I don't want to ask for permission. I like this relationship but this feels like I'm being asked to ask for permission and that irritates me. I don't like being pushed and pulled around, prodded like cattle. It's sort of my personality. Am I overreacting?

I told him that I didn't understand why he was upset and he basically said he's not upset that I'm not going just wish I didn't make a solo decision about it. And I was like if it was more significant I would have had that common curtesy but we had already discussed that my presence was optional. He said, it's ok, it's ok not a big deal. I'm just feeling annoyed by it.

PS I had a divorce that went final in October. That relationship ended about 8 months ago and I think I still have some issues from that controlling and emotional abuse a-hole.

[basilandthyme]

I think he's the one who's overreacting. Had it been a couple's event or something else where your absence would make a difference, then I agree with him. But if your presence is optional, the decision is yours to make alone. I also find it concerning that he's not being super understanding about you not wanting to do 2 x 4hr round trips back to back.

Is there any reason you're dating someone who lives so far away? Distance relationships are difficult at the best of times.

[TablesandChairs]

My partner and I had problems with this initially; for example, some days during the week I'd go off and do something with friends/family (randomly, usually not pre-arranged). He'd say 'you could have said something!' blah blah. Baring in mind - we did not live together nor did we have any prior plans together so I saw no reason to 'report' to him, being a grown adult and all.

So I said told him I didn't tolerate that kind of crap and did not expect him to give me a run down of his day-to-day life either. It's suffocating. We worked through it. Had we not, I think I would have bailed.