Wife is trashing me

[tropus]

My wife and I went on a short vacation to NYC recently. Overall it didn't go so well. She had some pretty bad PMS and I felt like I got dragged around shopping most of the time when I wanted to go check out other things. She had a plan - she made appointments for pampering and stuff and she made it very clear that she wanted to spend a significant amount of time shopping. When I suggested going to an aquarium or to a museum, she shut me down and said I got to pick where we went to eat. Actually, no. I suggested where we went out to eat and we agreed. I felt like she was being unfair and I tried to communicate it to her... she just didn't get it.

So the first day we're there, we spent most of the day shopping and then we went to the empire state building in the evening. It was a pretty good day; we got along well. By the end of the day, though, I was worn out. I wore boots thinking the weather would be bad and my feet were really sore! I had finally talked her into visiting the aquarium and we went the next morning after breakfast. Well, she pissed and moaned the entire time because we had to wait about 2 hours to get in. It completely ruined the experience for me. And it was obvious that she wanted to leave the entire time and continue on her shopping spree. I got pissed. We did end up going shopping afterward, but the resentment had built up. Finally, I just let her go to the stores she wanted by herself because I needed time to myself to cool off. A few hours later, when she was finished and all, we met up with each other and she started saying dumb things like "I bet you're making fun of me with your friends." I'm not that kind of person. I had calmed down by then and I really felt like I could skip a meal and go back to the hotel to rest, but she insisted and insisted. And guess what? That wasn't enough. After supper, she wanted to go out and have fun. So guess what we ended up doing?

The next day, I wanted to check out 2 stores - quick, in-and-out. One of them was a store she wanted to see. So we went to that store first, and afterward she wanted to leave and go check out of the hotel! I was so pissed, but whatever, she said she was having cramps and it wasn't really a big deal or anything.

Well, guess what I found on her phone the next day when we got home? She had been trash talking me to her friends, telling them I was whining the entire trip and I gave her a "shitty time". Right now I'm really pissed and completely resenting her. It seems like she is choosing to be more and more dishonest with me about things. She has always given me the impression that our relationship is a private matter not to be discussed with others and has made it clear that if I did what she did, it would not be acceptable. From now on when she says things like "I bet you're [doing this and that negative thing." I am going to assume she is doing something similar behind my back. Totally regretting looking at her phone, too. It's not something I would usually do. Ugh, ignorance is bliss...

[Wakeup]

From now on when she says things like "I bet you're [doing this and that negative thing." I am going to assume she is doing something similar behind my back.

What, wait. you mean you're going to give her another chance to make you miserable? O.o

You two sound like a brother and sister who don't quite get along and rat each other out whenever the opportunity arises.

[somehelp4me]

Yep, she red flagged it by saying you were trash talking her probably, all the time knowing it was her doing it to you. Hit up some of those friends and tell them the truth, shut her lies down.
I am guessing she trash talks you alot to all the same ones over everything, your relationship is not private for her, maybe it is for you. To it sounds like you were nothing but agreeable and let her have her way the whole trip.

[Maple1714]

How old are the both of you? Why are you 2 still together? Sounds like you don't like to do the same things. Have you been arguing a lot in general or just this trip? She should have gone on the NYC trip by herself. Before I split up with my BF/father of my child, we sounded like the both of you. Eventually, I just started doing my own thing and I was much happier. If it isn't working out either seek couples therapy or end it...life it short. Shopping all day sounds awful.

[tropus]

How old are the both of you? Why are you 2 still together? Sounds like you don't like to do the same things. Have you been arguing a lot in general or just this trip? She should have gone on the NYC trip by herself. Before I split up with my BF/father of my child, we sounded like the both of you. Eventually, I just started doing my own thing and I was much happier. If it isn't working out either seek couples therapy or end it...life it short. Shopping all day sounds awful.

Late 20s both of us. We have very similar interests and tastes, but we do have huge personality differences. I'm more of an introvert and she is an extrovert. She likes to go shopping A LOT and enjoys spending most of her free time going out. She is more of a materialistic socialite. I like to have more time to myself and when I go out there is more to it than just having fun... I can't stand shopping! 1-2 hours of it and I am worn out. Much longer than that, I start to get crabby. I always figured it was a gender difference and that I need to get over it.

And we are both very stubborn people.

Why are we still together? - We are in love! Madly in love. And we usually don't argue like this, but sometimes our differences do get in the way.

[Boisdevie]

If you hate shopping let her go on her own. And vice versa. My GF hates fishing. I don't force her to come with me.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you hate shopping let her go on her own. And vice versa. My GF hates fishing. I don't force her to come with me.

She sounds like a cunt, and would probably bitch at him for not going with her. Tropus, you should warm up to the idea of beating women(we all know you wanted to smack the shit out of her), if you're not willing to leave her. Obnoxious cunts don't change. I should know..I am one.

[Wakeup]

... lmao ...

[tropus]

She sounds like a cunt, and would probably bitch at him for not going with her. Tropus, you should warm up to the idea of beating women(we all know you wanted to smack the shit out of her), if you're not willing to leave her. Obnoxious cunts don't change. I should know..I am one.

She'd be upset that we wouldn't be spending the vacation together and find some fault in me or accuse me of not wanting to spend time with her or not caring about what she wants. This is definitely a common theme in the marriage.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She'd be upset that we wouldn't be spending the vacation together and find some fault in me or accuse me of not wanting to spend time with her or not caring about what she wants.

Yeah, I know..that's what I just ****ing said.

This is definitely a common theme in the marriage.

So what are you going to do about it? Whine and bitch, beat her ass, or divorce her?

[Starnique]

^^^lol^^^

Women do that sometimes. I know I have been guilty of it. I wouldnt trash mouth my man to the point of putting his personal business out there or just talking mad shit about him as if he's unimportant.I wouldnt do it and I wouldnt let anyone else do it neither and vise versa. I wouldnt do that but there have been times where I have told my girlfriends, like "omg, let me tell you what this __ did" or "he really got on my fu cking nerves". My friends may agree but their not going to talk shit about him either per se. No biggie. Its more like venting. If its that bad to you then leave her. If my bf told me that it bothered him that I said stuff to him about my friends I wouldnt. Venting and talking shit is two diff things in a way. Maybe she has taken it too far and needs the shut the f uck up about it already. No couple should go around trash mouthing the other. Disrepectful.

[tropus]

Yeah, I know..that's what I just ****ing said.



So what are you going to do about it? Whine and bitch, beat her ass, or divorce her?

You have no tact, sir.

[tropus]

^^^lol^^^

Women do that sometimes. I know I have been guilty of it. I wouldnt trash mouth my man to the point of putting his personal business out there or just talking mad shit about him as if he's unimportant.I wouldnt do it and I wouldnt let anyone else do it neither and vise versa. I wouldnt do that but there have been times where I have told my girlfriends, like "omg, let me tell you what this __ did" or "he really got on my fu cking nerves". My friends may agree but their not going to talk shit about him either per se. No biggie. Its more like venting. If its that bad to you then leave her. If my bf told me that it bothered him that I said stuff to him about my friends I wouldnt. Venting and talking shit is two diff things in a way. Maybe she has taken it too far and needs the shut the f uck up about it already. No couple should go around trash mouthing the other. Disrepectful.

I really don't know exactly what she said or how far she took it. I don't want to know, either. I just know it happened, it was hypocritical, and she was dishonest about it... and I'm really not sure how to handle it. I've considered confronting the issue with her. I just feel that she would turn the tables on me if I did bring it up. Maybe it's enough for me to realize that this is going on and then I won't feel so bad next time I decide to spend time doing whatever I want instead of with her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just quit your job and mooch until she divorces you..then get alimony.

[Wakeup]

Why don't you know how to communicate? Your marriage is not going to last (or it will and you'll be a miserable fk for the rest of your life while she princesses through)

Talk to her and tell her that shopping isnt your thing and that you'll not be booking anymore trips where shopping is why you go there (like NewYork ffs). End of. As far as the bad mouthing. Just let her know matter of factly that when she disses you to her friends it makes you feel disrespected and you'd like her to stop doing that. Then shut up and don't say anything except (when she's finished justifying) that I've told you it hurts me... It's up to you what you do with that information. Then excuse yourself from the conversation.

You treat her like she's some princess that you need to cater to and trust me, she'll get bored of you rather quickly if you keep showing her in actions that you're a doormat.

Fix your fear of losing her or you will be fulfilling a self-induced prophacy.