Conflict with boyfriend and family.

[cornflakes]

Hi everyday! I really need advice with my relationships right now.

First of, I am Krista and I am 22 years old. College graduate already. I didn't have any boyfriends until I finished college. Had my first boyfriend when I was 21 and we're still together. My parents are againts our relationship. They don't like him because for my parents they call him "exotic" . My boyfriend is simple, an artist, got a tattoo and such. My parents wants someone richer I think, or the one with nice cars and such. They don't even give my boyfriend a chance to inrtroduce himself. I father dont even want to talk to him face to face. My father wants to choose between him or my boyfriend. I love my father. and I love my boyfriend too. But I dont want to fight with my father. RIght now my relationship with my father is a mess. We always fight. He always think that when I go out I am with my boyfriend and taught nonsense things like we're having sex etc. haha. Ofcourse, it's not true.

Right now, whenever I and my boyfriend go out. It's a secret to my parents. Really I don't know how to have a win win solution here. I just want them to get along. I just want my parents to accept him. My friends like my boyfriend for me also. He is nice really. Got a good family background. My parents hate him because they dont trust guys with tattoos. they think that he is a drug addict etc etc.

I felt guilty when I tell lies to my parents. But I want to go out with him. really. I don't know what to do.

[Starnique]

So it's safe to assume you still live with your parents?

Okay, its great that you value their opinion and respect them but you're a grown woman now. If you know in your heart that this guy treats you right, then don't give it up because of how your parents feel. If you listen to them in terms of your love life, you'll never be happy. Everybody else will be happy but you.

Maybe it's time you start weening off your parents and the titts, so you can become your own woman. If you're staying with them, move out. Start planning your future for being independent. Make it clear you value their opinion but thats all it is and they don't have to like it but they need to respect your decision as long as he love and cares for you like you say he does. You shouldn't be made to choose. Your father is your father and your boyfriend is your boyfriend. Make it clear that you choose happiness and it is what it is. If they choose to take it the wrong way so be it. That's not being disrespectful either. That's being a woman.

[cornflakes]

Thank Starnique.

Yes I am still living with my parents. Here on my country its like a norm that we have to be with our parents unless we're married. I really want to move out and be independent. But my father thinks that I will live in with my boyfriend which is not true. When I follow my heart sometime I feel like I am disrespectful with my parents. I love them. And I really want them to be proud of me. Sometimes I think I just do what I think for me is good and will make me happy regardless if my parents will feel awful about it. I just want everyone to be happy.

[bluesummer]

Oh dear, this is a tricky one. The bottom line, is you aren't going to make everyone happy. It would be easy to say "tell your parents to mind their own business", but you live in their home.

The only solution I can think of is this. Sit down and have a real heart to heart talk with them both. Tell them that you love them and respect them and would never do anything to hurt them. However, you are an adult and them not trusting your choice of who to date hurts and insults you. Explain to them that they are going to have to try and trust you, as an adult, to make the right decisions for yourself. Otherwise, they are making you sad and feeling like they don't respect you as a person. Hopefully as, parents they will be able to see your point and that you are a good and trustworthy child of theirs that they can try to give a little space to. If not, then I'm not sure what to say. You can't let them control your life. Even if you are making a poor choice in boyfriend (I'm not saying you are), then you still have the right to go out and make those mistakes and learn from them, as you will at many times in your life. Your parents can't be there to shield you from everything.

If you speak to them respectfully and ask for some respect from them, maybe they will be able to come to some sort of an understanding.