Live-in boyfriend not manning up because I won't get abortion

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Well, aborting doesn't get any easier as time goes on, I'd imagine, so off the break is best in my opinion. He has every right to expect it, since that was an initial premise of the relationship. She certainly has the right to keep the child, she just doesn't have the right to expect anything from him is all anyone is saying.

[Starnique]

She should've had her ass on birth control and he should've put that baby elsewhere. I mean, he's also an idiot. Why would they be planning an abortion? Who does that? They both are responsible and should've did other things to prevent it. Hes at fault too for thinking like an idiot.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Whether it's dumb or not, she agreed to it, so she is a liar and is about to drastically change his life because of it. Please tell me, why should he want to stay with her?

[Starnique]

Well they wasn't planning it literally but you know what I mean.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

They did plan it according to her.

[Starnique]

Whether it's dumb or not, she agreed to it, so she is a liar and is about to drastically change his life because of it. Please tell me, why should he want to stay with her?

Because they've been together for a while. This isn't some random chic. This is his long time live in girlfriend. At the time she said it, I'm sure she meant it. Since then her love for him has probably grown and so has her out look on life. Their situation is probably a lot different now. When she say told him, I wonder if this was a reassurance she gave him all the time or just that once or sparingly. I don't think she set out to trap him. I think they was doing it, he was nutting in her and surprise surprise she pregnant. Why is all that going out the window now? This is the same woman he's been loving and dealing with and he owe it to his child to try to make it work. They had a deep relationship. Dumping a pregnant girl who you had history with is selfish and cold.

[basilandthyme]

Dumping a pregnant girl who you had history with is selfish and cold.

It's quite likely that his lack of paternal instinct will make him a really crap dad. Why should a child have to suffer an unwilling father? The act of having a child doesn't automatically make someone a good or worthy parent.

[Starnique]

I don't think he will be a crap dad. He's a shitty boyfriend. He's already said he's in for the child but not her. If he fought her really hard on keeping the baby like some men do then he may lack a connection with the baby but that will be his lost. Right now, he's just pissed off but he's not being extremely hateful to her, just bitchy but its a diff.

Im very well aware of how having a child doesn't make you good parent. Trust me on this one. I only talk what I know.

[michelle23]

If i were you, id dump him, tell him you want nothing from him and have your baby without him. Theres no point having a father in the childs life if hes not gonna love him or her and isnt going to be stable, consistent or reliable. Save yourself and the child the long term heartache and potential damage it could cause ti your childs self esteem and ditch him.

He told you he doesnt want kids, ge made that v clear and you didnt listen. You should have dumped him years ago coz you want different things but you made this mess so now go fix it on your own

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[BackUpOrGetStng]

Whether she tried to trap him or not, what guy wouldn't feel that way in this situation. Yeah he's been dealing with her for a while, loving her is not a given though. Perhaps this was a relationship of convenience, not love, for him, and he's already stated he doesn't want kids. The situation sucks but he doesn't owe it to anyone to stay in a relationship with someone he doesn't trust(or doesn't want to be with for whatever reason). That's called..a trap, and whether it was her intention to begin with or not, it is what she is trying to do now.

You don't only talk what you know, because you really don't know their relationship, yet you've made all these presumptions about it. The facts are that she is going against her word on a very serious issue. I do agree that he'll probably come around when it comes to raising the kid, but I don't fault him at all for his current actions in this situation. I'd probably try any tactic I could to get her to abort in the same situation.

[Starnique]

Do you know how hard it is to br friends and in a relationship with somebody for a long time and then you find out you're pregnant and they just be like, to hell with you basically? Get an abortion or we over. They don't have that connection or want the baby? That's hard to deal with. Regardless of what they discussed, he need to be there for her. I'm not disregarding his feelings. He has a right to his feelings but damn she is pregnant with his baby so did he really care about her to begin with?

[Starnique]

It's quite likely that his lack of paternal instinct will make him a really crap dad. Why should a child have to suffer an unwilling father? The act of having a child doesn't automatically make someone a good or worthy parent.

I was referring to this last sentence about having a child not making you a good parent. I didn't need to be told that. That I do know ok

[Starnique]

This was not a relationship of convenience and you know that. They were straight up dating in a serious relationship.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Do you know how hard it is to br friends and in a relationship with somebody for a long time and then you find out you're pregnant and they just be like, to hell with you basically? Get an abortion or we over. They don't have that connection or want the baby? That's hard to deal with. Regardless of what they discussed, he need to be there for her. I'm not disregarding his feelings. He has a right to his feelings but damn she is pregnant with his baby so did he really care about her to begin with?

The bolded was my point exactly. I doubt he wanted a very deep relationship, which is probably why they had that discussion to begin with. She told him she would have an abortion if the situation came up, so he was okay with continuing.

No, I don't know how hard it is, but her feelings aren't really the point. I do understand keeping my word, even when I don't want to. I never said she's not entitled to feeling hurt and disappointed. I just don't think she's entitled to a relationship with someone she lied to about a major issue, and they don't want to be with her anymore. It would be nice if he were there for her, but the truth is she's going back on their agreement. He was with her, under the premise there would be no kids. She now wants and has kids, so they are not compatible.

I absolutely do NOT know that this was not a relationship of convenience, and his behavior actually suggests that it was for him. Living with a chick for years with no pressure for proposal or kids..sounds pretty ****ing convenient to me.

[Starnique]

he told you he doesnt want kids, ge made that v clear and you didnt listen. You should have dumped him years ago coz you want different things but you made this mess so now go fix it on your own

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No its not her mess to clean up on her own. If he felt that strongly about it, he should've got a vasectomy. How you going to be nutting in a chic all the time and then feel that way, when neither one of them took any precautions.

He's pushing 40 and didn't know this? He don't got to be with her but he need to get used to the idea of what's going on.