Live-in boyfriend not manning up because I won't get abortion

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He did take a precaution. They discussed this and he trusted her.

As for having a vasectomy, maybe he just doesn't want kids with her...

[michelle23]

I dont think its fair for her to push so many demands on him and call him selfish etc when they agreed and promised each other no kids. Plus she didnt get the message. He said I NEVER WANT KIDS and she said hes pushing 40 so hes gotta want them at some point.. she did not listen and she stuck around in the hope hed change his mind. Well it backfired

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[michelle23]

Plus hes not really father material as he doesnt want the baby at all.. thats not fair on the kid to force father and child together. It will just cause more damage if hes not fully committed. I wouldnt put my child through that kinda rejection for 20 years. I want my kids to be emotionally healthy and theres a better chance with a single mum or a loving stepdad than a father whos not interested

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[Starnique]

He did take a precaution. They discussed this and he trusted her.

As for having a vasectomy, maybe he just doesn't want kids with her...

No. Their both old enough to know better. Having unprotected sex with no form of birth control is irresponsible. Would u go around and just continue to nut in a girl knowing she's not on bc and then taking her word for it? He's an idiot.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I did with my last g/f actually, so maybe I'm an idiot. She had a tilted uterus and "couldn't get pregnant". She did also say she'd get an abortion, but unprompted by me. Thank god I picked a more trustworthy woman than this poor sap, is all I gotta say...


Anyway, none of what you say supports an obligation to her. She wants kids, he doesn't. Not compatible. When you force incompatibility, it becomes toxic.

[surfhb2]

Plus hes not really father material as he doesnt want the baby at all..

Yes....that was made clear at the beginning of the relationship

Anyway....the OP is probably stunned that were calling her dumb ass out

[Starnique]

Anyway, none of what you say supports an obligation to her. She wants kids, he doesn't. Not compatible. When you force incompatibility, it becomes toxic.

Two willing adults having sex unprotected on either part results in baby. So at this point he is obligated to be a daddy but not her, which I said. I gave reason as to why he should stay with her but never said he was obligated to in the first place.

[Starnique]

At the end of the day a chic can try to trap a guy but in the end she is the one trapped. Most of the time the chic has the baby lots of time anyway and the dad come and go as he please, especially if he didn't want it. Either way him feeling trapped is no excuse to walk away from his responsibility. Get over it because at the end of the day the only one he hurting is the baby.

Im glad I'm smart enough to take care of myself and my healthy uterus since this womb is blessed and I don't use abortion as a contraceptive.

[basilandthyme]

No. Their both old enough to know better. Having unprotected sex with no form of birth control is irresponsible. Would u go around and just continue to nut in a girl knowing she's not on bc and then taking her word for it? He's an idiot.

Now you're just making stuff up to suit your argument. We don't know that he knew the sex was unprotected. For all we know, she may have forgotten a pill and forgot to tell him. Or maybe not. Perhaps a condom broke and she didn't use 'morning after' contraception. Unless the OP comes back with more info, the contraception issues are just guesswork by us.

For what it's worth, if he knowingly had unprotected sex with her my attitude would change completely and I'd agree with you 100%. But if I were able to lay money, I'd bet that this wasn't the case.

At any rate, we won't know till/if the OP comes back.

[RobertWQ]

We've lived together for a few years and I told him I'd get an abortion if I ever got pregnant. He doesn't want kids now.

Now I'm pregnant, changed my mind about abortion, and he needs to respect my decision.

He says that we should make the decision together but there is no decision for him to make now: he knew the consequences of sex and now he needs to man up and support me in whatever decision I make. If I want to have the kid, he needs to be there for it and stop being selfish. If for some reason I decide to have an abortion, that's my decision too.

He says he'll pay child support and visit on the weekends but that he can't live me with because I'm not considering his input. Isn't that very selfish of him to say? I mean there is a kid now to consider and he still wants to act like a child and break up over this. Plus he's almost 40! How much longer is he going to wait to have a child??

You are every man's nightmare. I feel sorry for your child.

[Starnique]

Now you're just making stuff up to suit your argument. We don't know that he knew the sex was unprotected. For all we know, she may have forgotten a pill and forgot to tell him. Or maybe not. Perhaps a condom broke and she didn't use 'morning after' contraception..

I'm not making anything up for my argument. I'm right so I don't have to make up anything. She never mentioned being on contraceptives. I'm going off what she posted. Maybe when we read it we have diff perceptions. To me it sounds like they were just riding off hope and it was like, f uck it, if a pregnancy happen. I'll get rid of it. That's how I'm readin it. I could be wrong and we really won't know until the op comes and clarify some things. Until then my opinion might chance, however I still stand by my belief. Yes it's manipulative for a woman to lie about it and of course the man initial reaction is going to be, what about the abortion we talked about etc but if she decides not to abort he need to get over it. That's just a consequence of sex and last I checked it took two to make a baby. Point blank and the period.

[Starnique]

You are every man's nightmare. I feel sorry for your child.

Soooo she chose not to abort her child and you feel sorry for her child why? You don't know what type of mother she'll be. Didn't the woman who raised you told you don't listen to these chics when they say they on the pill or anything? Look at how many men got kids from listening to a woman.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

The point is he was honest. Like she said in the title, he's not manning up. I doubt anyone would disagree. The real point is, he told her straight up, from the beginning that he would not be manning up in this situation. I agree, trusting women is a slippery slope, but a person can only control themselves, and he was honest with her. You contend they had such a deep relationship, so why is it so crazy that he would trust her?? She has no right to come here bitching about him when hes done nothing but tell the truth, and she has lied to him.

Sounds like this is personal, because you're making no sense.

[Wakeup]

This situation is a really good reason why you men that don't want children to go and get a vasectomy. There are woman that do this kind of thing (make decisions without getting the sperm donars input) that cause them nothing but trouble and money and ending up with exactly what they didn't want.

If you dont' want children then take control of your sperm and make is so you don't have children.

As for you Op: You're whack in your entitlement expectations. You knew going in his preference and you agreed to it. You are a typical bait and switch artist. Shame on you.

[joanna1]

That is a tricky situation because you already knew his feelings from the start of the relationship, you should never have agreed to something so important to you, your body etc without taking into consideration the actuality of your feelings if it did happen. Maybe you agreed to please him in the start of the relationship and in the back of your mind you felt he would back off his stance if it actually happened.

But he was obviously serious all that time in how he felt. You knew his feelings, if he had lied to you in the start then maybe you can say he won't man up, but in reality you always knew he wouldn't because he doesn't want children, period. If you want the baby plan on having it without him as your partner for now and find other people to help and support you emotionally during your pregnancy and birth, you will make yourself ill arguing about this with him. You both have made your minds up on this topic.

Offering to pay child support and visiting is his way of manning up, in my opinion but only you know him.