Live-in boyfriend not manning up because I won't get abortion

[Bustamove]

We've lived together for a few years and I told him I'd get an abortion if I ever got pregnant. He doesn't want kids now.

Now I'm pregnant, changed my mind about abortion, and he needs to respect my decision.

He says that we should make the decision together but there is no decision for him to make now: he knew the consequences of sex and now he needs to man up and support me in whatever decision I make. If I want to have the kid, he needs to be there for it and stop being selfish. If for some reason I decide to have an abortion, that's my decision too.

He says he'll pay child support and visit on the weekends but that he can't live me with because I'm not considering his input. Isn't that very selfish of him to say? I mean there is a kid now to consider and he still wants to act like a child and break up over this. Plus he's almost 40! How much longer is he going to wait to have a child??

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You lied to him, and he probably feels like you are trying to trap him. He does know the implications of sex, but you told him that you would have an abortion. Had you said that you would not have an abortion, he could then decide whether or not to keep seeing you. You took that choice away from him, and it would be nice if he came around, but he does not really owe you anything other than what he has offered already.

[pcmaster]

Well some people wants kids but some dont. If that what makes you happy then have it. But you cant use a kid as tool to make a guy stay. He was honest with you from begining. Looks that he dont want this kind of ties. But great that reponsibilty is taken and you at least got offered standart support. Be grateful for that. You think that 40 is enought to be a father but its not about age. Its about having father feelings and willing to be a dad. Might be guy dont love kids that much at all. At least not his own.

[basilandthyme]

We've lived together for a few years and I told him I'd get an abortion if I ever got pregnant. He doesn't want kids now.

Now I'm pregnant, changed my mind about abortion, and he needs to respect my decision.

He says that we should make the decision together but there is no decision for him to make now: he knew the consequences of sex and now he needs to man up and support me in whatever decision I make. If I want to have the kid, he needs to be there for it and stop being selfish. If for some reason I decide to have an abortion, that's my decision too.

He says he'll pay child support and visit on the weekends but that he can't live me with because I'm not considering his input. Isn't that very selfish of him to say? I mean there is a kid now to consider and he still wants to act like a child and break up over this. Plus he's almost 40! How much longer is he going to wait to have a child??

You've changed your mind about something really important to him. You've cut him out of all the decision making. You've forced fatherhood on a man who told you he doesnt' want kids. You call him selfish and say he's acting like a child. And you can't understand why he's moving out???

Hon, the world does not revolve around you and your decisions.

[Maple1714]

We've lived together for a few years and I told him I'd get an abortion if I ever got pregnant. He doesn't want kids now.

Now I'm pregnant, changed my mind about abortion, and he needs to respect my decision.

He says that we should make the decision together but there is no decision for him to make now: he knew the consequences of sex and now he needs to man up and support me in whatever decision I make. If I want to have the kid, he needs to be there for it and stop being selfish. If for some reason I decide to have an abortion, that's my decision too.

He says he'll pay child support and visit on the weekends but that he can't live me with because I'm not considering his input. Isn't that very selfish of him to say? I mean there is a kid now to consider and he still wants to act like a child and break up over this. Plus he's almost 40! How much longer is he going to wait to have a child??

Honestly, you sound like the selfish one. Didn't either one of you think about birth control? Have you ever had an abortion? How did you know this is something that you would do without being in the situation? An abortion is no small thing.

Now, you are pregnant and going to keep the baby. He doesn't want to be a father and you ignored this. You are trying to make him feel bad for being honest. Can't you see that?

[pcmaster]

Its almost like you cut him out of your life with ignoring his wish with this big decision.

Its like you love kids and dont understand how someone might not want these gorgeous creatures.

[Starnique]

I'm also curious as to why you wasn't on birth control? We as women have to take care of our bodies and it's our responsibility to make sure we don't grt pregnant. However, its just as much his baby as it is yours. Dont expect more out of him then what he's offering, which is ridiculous on his part and now you see the kind of guy.he is. He's not even willing to give your child, his child a loving two parent home. He's treating you like some random broad. You both are adults. You wasn't on birth control and he was nutting in you like crazy.

I went thru something similar when I was really young and I know I'm extremely fertile so I stay on Birth control..hint hint. I know how you feel and I sympathize with you because I know how it feel. Almost like, its my body,my baby attached to me and you're the one that has to.go thru it so he need to be more understanding regardless of what you said. It was silly for you to make that promise and its silly for him to think after all this time that you're just going to up and do it. Its your decision and if he choose to hold it against you, you shouldn't want him in your life anyway.

[HDBadger]

He doesn't have to respect anything. The only thing he probably owes you if you have the child is, by law, some child support money.

[Starnique]

So what he going to do? Keep bitching about it? Either way, she still keeping the baby so he may as well get over it. The situation is not changing. He don't have to respect it just like she don't got to get it sucked out.

He must not make a lot of money. If he did, he'd try to work out a plan with you other then thru the court system.

[basilandthyme]

It doesn't sound like he's bitching about it at all to me. Quite the opposite: he's dumped her and moved on because he's realised his wants and needs mean nothing to her.

Wondering if the OPs child will grow up with the same sense of entitlement as his/her mother.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't think money has anything to do with it(it could though). This bitch is talking about what he needs to do, like she owns this man, vilifying him, when he was the only one who was honest. She took away his choice in the matter by lying. I can't imagine that he doesn't feel like she is trying to trap him, whether or not that is true, and her attitude doesn't help. Why should he want to stay with someone he feels is dishonest?

[Starnique]

Lol at Basil last comment.

I don't think it's a sense of entitlement. Look at how serious this relationship was. I wouldn't be surprised if this was some random chic but even then, man up to your responsibility but this behavior from a man wouldn't surprise me. I would expect more out of my live in boyfriend that I shared so much with. To dump your pregnant girlfriend because she won't abort a baby speaks volumes of his or any mans character. They both created this baby.

[basilandthyme]

I'd have much more sympathy for the OP if she'd come to us saying something like "we always agreed to not have a baby, but I accidentally got pregnant. I can't bring myself to have a termination - but I don't want ruin our relationship. How should I approach this?"

Edited to add: it's not her decision which makes me think she's got entitlement issues, it's the way she's approached the problem. She's all about demands instead of discussion.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Maybe he wouldn't be her live-in boyfriend if he knew that this would be the case. That is the choice she took from him. She told him one thing in order to advance the relationship, then went back on her word.

[Starnique]

She can include him in a decision but ultimately it is her decision. Yeah, she is acting very entitled right now, but hey its her baby. I'm sure that put him on the defensive and backed him in a corner but now their both on the defense. He can be upset because it wasn't the plan but expecting someone to abort right off gate is insensitive.