Basicly I feel like I'm an idiot

[loverman1]

For those who missed my lost post about a month ago, here'a an update and also what happened since then. My best friend who I work with, who is both beautiful and lovely. She's in a bad relationship and still is I guess. I work with her and I always spend break time with her, this has lasted for two years. She has told me about her partner and how he treats her ect, telling her how to dress and what to do. He's also not the farther of her kids and also wasn't willing to take up the role.

We started to text each other, and this led me to offering myself to her, I opened my heart to her and gave it a shot. It went well to be honest, she was happy to be with me. She often tested me and I passed them all, she's described are relationship when it started as "a dream come true", she also once told her friend along time ago, before the relationship started... "I really hope Andy falls in love with me", and I did.

We went on Holiday together and spend allot of time watching movies and just enjoying to be together. There was only one bad moment when she said "It's a problem that I don't love you yet" But she has also said "I care about you very much" She's described me as "too beautiful" and "sensitive", "perfect".

She wanted to end everything with her partner so we could live together and start a real full time relationship, and one day she plucked up the courage to do so. This was the time I was foolish and careless, I knew I was taking a risk because we never made a plan at all, I mean there was no place to live yet. So she told him and it went very wrong indeed. It was too much for her to leave him, being with him for 3 years, and the guy met up with me, he now has woken up and changed some of his bad ways, but for how long I don't really know.

Its now got to the point were she's letting me go, kind off. I have still gone to sitt with her at my break time, and she very protective of herself, she gave me some hope last week when she basicly opened up a little, the conversation went like this:

Me: did you find something you didn't like about me?
Her: no, your perfect and sensitive
Me: then I don't understand
Her: I don't understand too
Me: I wont find another girlfriend
Her: Wont or cant?
Me: I wont, I'll wait for you
Her: ok

But this week gave bad news however, she said that "I would get bored of her", she said she's the wrong person for me and she's very bad. She said she wants to prove to herself she can be a good person and be loyal to her partner. She described our situation to the dear john film at the end, when the too characters cant be together but glad to see each other.

I said not to let me go, I said maybe if we were together we would never leave each other, she said "yes maybe Its true".

Today I was in a bad state and texted her telling her I would wait for her, but this time she was upset. Basily she said not to text, and to forget about her. I have pushed her when now is clearly not the right time. Im scared now I have lost her, I got too excited over the fact that she reached out to me slightly over the last two weeks.

We are both very good looking people, she likes that I'm sensitive, bascily I'm perfect to her. However Im probably act too nice, I'm too available and I try to hard.

I want to continue to sit with her on my break times if I haven't already pushed her away. I want to be a guy she can trust without an agenda if its possible. I'm guessing her guy wont make her happy, they have a small chance of staying together. Anyway what am I doing ? because I'm devastated with what's happened. Im scared I have pushed her now and it can't be fixed. We do work together and I always go sit with her, this is the only good thing left. If there was a button that would make her find her prince, a guy she would truly love and who would love her in return then I would push it.
I cant decide if it could be me or not, I want to wait for her because I feel we still have a chance, I'm just afraid I have blown it now, and are friendship.. she was my best friend too. At the moment I would settle for the friend I had..

I'm very sensitive and I have been crying on a daily basis for 6 weeks, feels sometimes that I wasn't enough. I miss her, and very afraid now.

[TheEvilJester]

I know it sounds like this is not the advice you want to hear, but I think it would actually be better for you if you were to move on. It doesn't sound like she is ready to get over her ex. No matter how bad he may be for her, it sounds like she is stuck on him. It also sounds like, whether or not it is her intention, she is playing with your emotions. Obviously I don't know you very well, but you sound like a nice guy. You do not deserve this. You deserve somebody who will appreciate you, and who will think of you as their Prince Charming. You are nobody's consolation prize because their loser ex could never quite get his act together.

This is coming from somebody who is a HUGE romantic, too, so I think that is kind of telling. She has put the hint out there that she feels she cannot be with you right now. At this point, were I you, I would move on. There will be somebody else out there for you. You do not need the emotional wreck this seems to be making of you. Trust me, I know how you feel. I have never been in this exact situation, but being the romantic I am, I've had my share of "emotional wreck" type feelings over love situations.

Maybe if she gets her act together and suddenly realize she needs a hero, not a zero, she'll come looking for you. But, I say, let her do the looking. I think it is time you move on. I know that isn't the advice you want to hear, but I think it sounds like your best bet. Either way, good luck my friend. I feel your pain. I hope you find what you are looking for, whether it turns out to be this girl, or your soulmate is still out there looking for you somewhere.

[loverman1]

Thankyou,

Just to add that they never did officially break up. I mean what we had was an affair, she feels very ashamed now. Im not proud too, I just wanted to make her life better.

[TheEvilJester]

You sound like a good man, but the life you should be worried about making better is your own. You aren't going to do that by letting somebody play with your emotions and treat you like you aren't a priority, particularly when you are making them your top priority. You shouldn't have gotten involved with somebody in a relationship, but you know the saying about hindsight. It sounds to me like you need to remove this woman from your life entirely and give yourself some much needed you time. You need some time to remember that you deserve better than to be strung along and played with like this. Then maybe you can find a girl who is unattached and will appreciate you.

[loverman1]

she just doesn't love me I guess. But she's a good girl! she's different than most.

The right words at the right time, and I would of had a life, and two kids to look after. Feels like a dream now!

[michelle23]

Never get involved with a taken woman. Shes just using you as an emotional tampon. If she really wanted to leave him, she would have done so and sorted out her life before getting involved with you. She used you as a distraction to cope with issues at home. It was a typical affair that never ends well. Learn from it. Any person who would rather cheat than just leave an unhaply relationship has co-dependency issues and cant be trusted.

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[4 ratties]

She prefers to be with her boyfriend. Simple as that. For one reason or another she finds something about her current relationship better or meeting her needs, then being with you. Girls tend to talk crap about their boyfriends. Which isn't good but hey were women. It doesn't mean she's ready to break up with him and go for you just because she complains about him.

[loverman1]

Are you so sure about that?
She did want to tell him. Before she said it was like a movie, like when will she tell him she met someone else, but each night when she got home she couldn't, we did make a kind of a plan for them to break up in more like a natural way but it never got there. She also told her mum, if she ended up with me, it would be wonderful. So I'm confused, if she likes him more, why does she not tell me. Last week, even if I'm not with her now, she said I'm perfect, and she doesn't understand herself. I could wait, I do love her.. her best friend told me "he can't make her happy" .. is it just wishful thinking on my part? Under normal circumstances, I am enough aren't I ?