Attractive Girl Turned Down by Nerdy Guy! Why?

[michelle23]

Im glad to hear this man has morals and integrity. Good for him. You need to get over yourself girly. So what youve got a pretty face? Most men with a brain these days are looking for a bit more. Your self entitled narcissistiv attitude is not attractive

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're an entitled cunt. I hope you die slow.

[michelle23]

Daddy issues

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[HeartIsAching]

I'm 40-ish, and if a 18 year old girl (yes, GIRL) hit on me I'd turn her down - no matter how attractive she was. 18 year-old girls are still damn near children, and hold no interest for me, particularly shallow, self-absorbed little girls.

[RobertWQ]

Ok so, I am a bit confused.
My question may sound a bit conceited to some, but I actually just don't understand why!
He is around 40. Was my instructor at university just a couple of weeks ago.
I'm over 18, a young girl considered very attractive by guys (and girls).
I'm not his student anymore and never will be.
He is not married, Not good looking, really nerdy, in fact everyone is saying how awkward and ugly and weird he is, and I don't mean it in a mean way, but to rule out the suggestion that he has many other girls to chose from for instance, because if he was attractive and got a lot of attention I wouldn't be asking this..
So for some reason the idea of approaching him got exciting for me!
So I sent him an email, just asking a couple of questions that were very neutral but not exactly school-related (like what he specializes in).
He ignored this email.
So then, the next day, I just walked into his office and straight up asked him if he'd like to join me for some drinks or coffee over the weekend.
He looked very flattered and smiled a lot but said no, he can't!
I asked why - he said he doesn't date students. I told him that I'm not his student anymore - he said that he just doesn't date students..
I told him that if he changes his mind - here's my number, call or text me, and handed him the paper with my number that I had ready.
He said "Thank you, I won't, but thank you"
Then after that I sent him another email as a "P.S." to that short conversation we had, where I said that I like him, and that I even made up some reasons to show up to his office and talk to him and things like that. It wasn't a very "dramatic" email, I used a lot of smiley faces, it was just nice and cute.
To be honest, I thought he'd at least respond with a short line like "that's very nice to hear, but unfortunately as I said I can't..." or something like that.
But he just ignored it again.
So I don't understand, why did he turn me down? Did he personally find me That unattractive for his taste? Though it is kind of frowned upon, you're allowed to date students you don't teach anymore. And I would for sure Not be taking any more of the courses where he's instructor. I mean, most guys, even if they are not IN LOVE with the girl, if they find her attractive, and she approached them and asked to go for a coffee/drinks sometime, would accept her invitation on a date, and even good-looking guys would..
And he doesn't get too many girls approaching him for sure, I was probably the first one ever, I could tell that he was pretty taken aback and confused.
So why did he refuse me/ignore my emails then?
(P.S. If I was him, I would go! )

Ok, first of all, if a girl like you looked at me as "awkward and nerdy and ugly but I'll go out with him anyway," all you'd get from me would be a lay at best, and more than likely I'd never want to be around you whatsoever. This guy is a professor at a university. Who are you but some college chick who hasn't accomplished anything but to be born physically attractive.

Next, it sounds like you're just into him mainly because he turned you down despite your being "very attractive" and him being "awkward and nerdy and ugly" and now your whole social compass inverted and you must win back validation from this guy so you can confirm what a hot babe you are vs. this "ugly nerd."

What you don't get is you're probably just some cute co-ed to him... maybe he likes women who have accomplished things and have depth. There's more to being attractive than just being cutesy and someone to **** ... you'll learn this as you get older and your looks begin to fade... you will hopefully have built up some additional aspects of yourself that will be interesting to interesting men.

Additionally, he probably likes his job a lot more than he likes the idea of screwing you, so he wisely does not get involved with students period.


In summary:

You need to grow up and this is part of that experience.

He's not some 20 year old horny college guy who only cares about looks ... he likely likes women with depth.

He is not going to jeopardize his job so some teenybopper can play out her whatever fantasies with him.

So grow up, get over it, stop pursuing your profs, go find some 20 year old guys to torture and reaffirm your appeal, and make sure not to neglect your studies.

[Fjortis]

I'm 22 actually, and why, as soon as I mentioned that I'm attractive, you immediately conclude that I am also stupid. Stereotypes? So the only smart people are the ugly ones then : ) I'm just confident, and that's a good thing, and who knows, if the guy was less of a coward maybe everything would have turned out well, at the very least we'd have a fun evening. He was a coward because cowards are afraid of unreasonable things that can't or are very very unlikely to happen. It was definitely not part of my plan to ask him out to accuse him of harassment after or anything like that. I wasn't even a student in his department, I only took one course there and wasn't going to take any more. Maybe he missed the chance that life gave him.

[surfhb2]

I'm 22 actually, and why, as soon as I mentioned that I'm attractive, you immediately conclude that I am also stupid. Stereotypes? So the only smart people are the ugly ones then : ) I'm just confident, and that's a good thing, and who knows, if the guy was less of a coward maybe everything would have turned out well, at the very least we'd have a fun evening. He was a coward because cowards are afraid of unreasonable things that can't or are very very unlikely to happen. It was definitely not part of my plan to ask him out to accuse him of harassment after or anything like that. I wasn't even a student in his department, I only took one course there and wasn't going to take any more. Maybe he missed the chance that life gave him.

How is he a coward? He's not into you plan and simple....thats the reason why he rejected your invitation. We all told you the reasons...what dont you understand then?

You think you are attractive....we have no idea if thats true or not. Your actions are stupid

[Wakeup]

Yea, okay he's a coward and you're an egomaniac. Get over it.

[RobertWQ]

I'm 22 actually, and why, as soon as I mentioned that I'm attractive, you immediately conclude that I am also stupid. Stereotypes? So the only smart people are the ugly ones then : ) I'm just confident, and that's a good thing, and who knows, if the guy was less of a coward maybe everything would have turned out well, at the very least we'd have a fun evening. He was a coward because cowards are afraid of unreasonable things that can't or are very very unlikely to happen. It was definitely not part of my plan to ask him out to accuse him of harassment after or anything like that. I wasn't even a student in his department, I only took one course there and wasn't going to take any more. Maybe he missed the chance that life gave him.

You really need to get over yourself. No one has called you stupid (although you are behaving that way). But we have pointed out that you are just a college girl. You have not accomplished anything. This guy is a professor at a university; he has done many things you neither know about nor understand. His intellectual level (in terms of knowledge at the least) is far beyond yours. You've never done anything significant and yet you think you know it all, while this guy has and you think you know better than him.

Not doing what you want him to do is not him acting "cowardly," he's acting intelligently by not being dragged into some teenybopper's fantasy.

And I'm just sure he wants to be around someone who refers to him in this thread alone as: Nerdy, Ugly, Cowardly, Awkward

I don't think he missed much. He's much better off not being with someone who regards him as you do.


Maybe this is your first real lesson that your looks alone aren't going to buy you everything or everyone you want.

[Wakeup]

I'm just confident, and that's a good thing,

You are THE furthest thing from "confident." If you were confident then you wouldn't be going on like a 13 year old reuminating about how you got turned down by a guy. Instead you'd realize that you are the prize, You'd think: there are many other men out there that will want to be with me, and you would have shrugged this off without having to start a thread and thereby proving to us that you are egotistical, narcissistic and many other things BUT confident.

Grow up, darl'n

There... I think I've given you what you wanted when you started yet another thread just to cause a reaction and to get the attention you oh so require. pffft.

[smackie9]

I know why he turned you down.....you just proved to him how immature you really are (messages with cute smillies ....really? that's supposed to attract a 40 something year old man?....thumbs down). He knows you have dick all in common, and would rather date someone that is on a more mature level. Like Wakeup said you act like a love sick 13 year old that won't take no for an answer. I agree you can't see an inch past your own nose.

[RipVanWinkleX]

Looks isn't everything... >.<

[joanna1]

Maybe he has an age range he dates and he prefers closer to his own age. Did you pursue him because you felt he was a challenge or were you truly into him, because the words used to describe him were less than flattering and not really telling us you are attracted to him.

[Fjortis]

--------->

[Fjortis]

I want to try again! How should I do it?
Maybe approach him when he's leaving his office, on the street, rather than in the office?
At least it's gonna have a slightly less formal feel to it this time, because all the students approach him in his office only.
(btw he's not a professor, but an instructor, he doesn't teach, just coordinates lab-realted activities and creates labs, and answers questions by email or in person if students have any)

Did you pursue him because you felt he was a challenge or were you truly into him,

I like challenge, for me the real love and the feeling that that's now a relationship are hard to feel unless there was some challenge involved beforehand that was overcome, it's hard for me to start dating.."on the smooth ground", something exciting needs to happen to provoke feelings and desire and interest..
If as often happens I meet someone in class, we talk a few times, then he invites me to go for a coffee, then again, then tries to kiss me and and asks if I like him, whether or not I say it 99.9% it's no. There was nothing that happened to make this connection emotional and unique. It's just too easy and bland. This is not how love i born. Not in the case with me.
So I don't know what happened with this guy, as sometimes I love the challenge almost only for the sake of it, but definitely, since I picked him, and thought about him, at least to some degree the attraction was certainly there as well.. Just not as strong as some of the times I felt in the past.. (Maybe it would grow if the circumstances were different, as in he didn't say no, or maybe not.. I don't know)

I know why he turned you down.....you just proved to him how immature you really are (messages with cute smillies ....really? that's supposed to attract a 40 something year old man?....thumbs down)

.
Then how else was I supposed to approach him?
What does "a serious and mature way of inviting someone on a date" look like to you?
So I should have shown up in a business attire, in glasses, presented him with a biophysics encyclopaedia and asked if he would want to go and discuss the book at the library with me? And that's after a scientific article of an email that should have sent him instead : )
Or find his doctoral thesis, print it out and asked him to explain "some concepts" there to me over coffee : )