Lessons Learned - What are yours?

[RobertWQ]

So what are some lessons you've learned, recently or not so recently, about dating? Here are a few of mine:


- Don't ignore warning signs. If you think something is wrong with the way a woman is acting, it likely is. The longer you go on with it without either stopping the interaction or discussing it with her, the longer you prolong a situation that will resolve the same either way.


- If a girl doesn't make you a priority, don't make her a priority.


- If a girl doesn't seem to respect you, there is no future with her.


- If a girl has a boyfriend and doesn't tell you about him, that's all you need to know.

[Wakeup]

Always make sure the toilet seat is down when going to pee in the middle of the night.

[romantic-88]

Hello,
I do not think that you can write about love like if you write about a science (maths or other).

Rules do not apply to the heart. Even if you try to impose sth (example: "forget him/her") it does not obey...
So my opinion is do not write rules, follow the rythm of your heart and listen to it.
People say one is happy only when he/she follows his/her heart. Well sometimes it ends bad if the other person brakes your heart but it is a risk everyone takes in LOVE.
(Well i guess many of us who have been hurt EXTREMELY a lot prefer not to have been in love, just to skip the pain...but no one can turn back time. Do not get me wrong, I have always dreamed of big TRUE love but when I met someone and fell in love I have been so MONSTROUSLY hurt that I know now I want TRUE love which WILL NOT HURT ME, which will NEVER DOUBT in my feelings, which will never DO what has been done to me).

My point is be happy, follow your heart and do not worry about RULES in Love (there are rules in LIFE but not in LOVE).
May be people can try JUST not to HURT the woman/man they love BUT even this is not a rule rather an effort we make (about feelings I mean).
There is may be a rule here about not hurting someone you love in a more practical meaning (do not cause problems on purpose, do NOT help her ennemies/his ennemies, do NOT hurt HER ON PURPOSE). The difference is while we can not control our feelings or other people's feelings WE CAN control our actions. I think this is a very natural and logical rule (one exception: when he/she has hurt you on purpose you can try to protect yourself...)

You see the more you love the more you are hurt in case of lies/cheatings and no one is protected from emotional hurt.


My favourite quote: "No one deserves to cry for him/her, the one who really deserves your tears will NEVER make you cry".
(sth similar)

The lesson I learned: not to trust anyone, to avoid men with too many connections, that people are the biggest monsters, that love hurts as hell (for years) and that i am not sure if I can get over what happened to me and I do not know if i can trust someone again, that i am afraid even from my shadow, that I am not the person I used to be and I do not know what I will do in order to become who I was or just to continue my life in a normal way...and many other lessons.
I wish you all happiness and the best thing I can say is I hope no one will ever go through even the half of what I have been through.

Best wishes!

[RobertWQ]

Thank you and I think a lot of what you say is accurate, especially if you are a romantic.


However, let me present a slightly different view.



When you say "your heart," of course you are not speaking literally. You are talking about your emotions, which actually are located and expressed in your brain for the most part.

Further, emotions come from evolution. They are designed to lead you to reproduce and survive, that's basically it.

I don't want to be led by something that is only designed to produce those outcomes.


Only people (humans) as far as we know are able to think rationally and to not blindly follow their emotions ... I am more logical in general and prefer being motivated by logic rather than emotion (although brain scientists say it is impossible to separate the two).


However, I will say that I do recognize the concept of love and that no true great relationship can occur without love as its most basic foundation. (Probably.)



By the way, I'm drawing these lessons from the situations I wrote about in the Female Advice forum, if any women here would be interested in heading over there and seeing if I am coming to the right conclusions from these experiences.

[basilandthyme]

Robert, my lessons mostly echo yours (with a gender switch).

A couple of extras:

* if you're not married, don't bother trying to fix major issues. Major issues are a sign of incompatibility - not something to be fixed.

* And something I learned as a teen: if a guy gets physical with you, it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to date you.

[pcmaster]

If she asks what are you thinking about then say- "I was just thinking how pretty you are"

[Peaches1605]

If someone leaves you once, they'll leave you again.

You can't make it work with someone who isn't that bothered.

If someone takes advantage of you, get out. Now. They won't stop just because you're hurt.

[HDBadger]

All women are difficult. It's just a matter of how difficult.

[michelle23]

I disagree. Dont follow your heart at all- EVER. Look at how many people have f up thete whole life by following there heart and not listening to their gut or their head.

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[michelle23]

Oh and to answer your qs, one lesson i learned is not to have a rebound when your confidence has taken a hit. Another ive learned is that when one relationship ends you should be alone for at least 6 months before starting something new. Another dont trust anybody till they prove they can be trusted. All these lessons learned at 17

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[pcmaster]

I disagree. Dont follow your heart at all- EVER. Look at how many people have f up thete whole life by following there heart and not listening to their gut or their head.

Oposite with this one Michelle. My biggest mistake in life was ignoring my heart.

[somehelp4me]

- don't dwell on the past or compare who you are with to someone from your past.
- sometimes you have to say I am sorry first, in order to help the relationship out even if you don't feel it is your sorry to give.
- walk away, take some time and then discuss.

[THX]

One of the most important lessons I've learned is to set your boundaries early in a relationship and be consistant. Don't give in because you think the other person will leave. I have many friends who either lie to their mate, or let themselves be held back from things they want to do because they didn't draw a line in the sand around the things that are important to them. Once you give up ground it's hard to take it back. It may seem at first like a loving thing to do, to give up something you want for your mate, but you are just planting the seed of future animosity, and blaming your mate for invading territory you never bothered to defended.

[Boisdevie]

Communication. I only got the point where I was able to communicate properly at the age of 48. If I had learned how to communicate sooner I would have saved myself an awful lot of grief.

[michelle23]

Oposite with this one Michelle. My biggest mistake in life was ignoring my heart.

I suppose it depends. I mean if your head is telling you this person is bad but your heart is doing flips at the same time coz theres chemistry-listen to your head. THIS PERSON IS BAD LOL

Ive actually been in that situation twice where there was a lot of chemistry and it was hard to resist but my instincts were telling me he couldnt be trusted so i dragged myself away and didnt look back

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