Why white guys never approach me?

[basilandthyme]

Sumia, I also dislike the phrase "real" men or women.

[Sumaia]

Robert,
You pointed out a really excellent point about "what I want". I would be more interested in a guy who finds my background interesting rather than strange.
Sometimes I do see that some white guys are narrow minded toward other backgrounds and cultures, for example, one guy once asked me what we do for thanksgiving in Saudi Arabia. It was cute, but we don't celebrate thanksgiving there. haha. When I say narrow minded, I don't mean it in an offensive way. There are plenty of narrow minded people in every culture and that is not bad, rather, it is normal especially that they don't really need to get out of their own cultural zone given the fact that they never have to travel or mix with other cultures.
Also, sometimes I feel like they assume I only date "brown guys" because one time I was talking with my roommates-one of whom is a white guy. He said to me something very strange. He said-joking, "Yeah, you must like tall handsome brown guys,". I did not know what to say then. But why did he assume that?! Do you think it is a common belief?

[Sumaia]

basilandthyme,
Thanks for seconding me! I always dislike these kind of terms.

[RobertWQ]

Robert,
You pointed out a really excellent point about "what I want". I would be more interested in a guy who finds my background interesting rather than strange.
Sometimes I do see that some white guys are narrow minded toward other backgrounds and cultures, for example, one guy once asked me what we do for thanksgiving in Saudi Arabia. It was cute, but we don't celebrate thanksgiving there. haha. When I say narrow minded, I don't mean it in an offensive way. There are plenty of narrow minded people in every culture and that is not bad, rather, it is normal especially that they don't really need to get out of their own cultural zone given the fact that they never have to travel or mix with other cultures.
Also, sometimes I feel like they assume I only date "brown guys" because one time I was talking with my roommates-one of whom is a white guy. He said to me something very strange. He said-joking, "Yeah, you must like tall handsome brown guys,". I did not know what to say then. But why did he assume that?! Do you think it is a common belief?

I do think it might be, because I realize that even I have it. If I see an attractive middle eastern woman, I automatically think she probably has her own dating / cultural circle ... that subtle cultural "gap" I referred to. I also think the same about asian women oftentimes. They may assume you won't be receptive to them.
There is a middle eastern or south asian girl at my school who used to sit on this bench in a hallway I would always walk by on my way to chem class. She was clearly from a foreign country or had recently immigrated, but she smiled at me each time I passed by, and that made me want to go talk to her, even though I expected she probably didn't even speak fluent English! You do speak fluent English so you're in an even better position. How often do you smile at the (white) guys you like?


I really think the best idea is to start talking to and smiling at the white guys who interest you ... ask them questions like I said ... directions to a building, something like that. Then once the conversation gets going, and they see they can relate to you and are attracted to you, and that you're receptive to them, they will likely ask you out. It may take several tries / a little while, but it is the best way to do what you'd like to do I think.

[Sumaia]

Robert, That was really really helpful!

You know what, I don't smile at guys I like, I just look at them. Sometimes I feel weird if I smile at them because I am thinking I will look weird smiling at strangers even if they are "guys at school" .. So smiling at them is not going to look strange or out of context?

Thanks again, your thoughts are new for me

[RobertWQ]

I don't think it will. A woman smiling at a guy is one of the main non-verbal forms of invitation. It is one of the best ways we / I know that a girl I haven't talked to is interested in me. In fact, I can think of numerous occasions where I went up to, talked to, and asked out a girl I had never talked to before, simply because she smiled at me whenever she saw me.

It will not be weird or out of context. You may have to master it / refine your technique a bit (as in, perfecting the flirty smile ... maybe ask some of your girlfriends), but it is probably the main way to let a guy know from afar that you are interested in him and would be receptive to him coming to talk to you.

[Sumaia]

Robert,
Wow, so might have missed that one. Interesting!!
I will definitely do it and see where it takes me.

Thanks

[RobertWQ]

You're welcome. Good luck! And don't get discouraged if it doesn't immediately work the first few times.

[THX]

I can't tell you why NO white guys have approached you but being a white guy in a very multicultural city, who tends to go for Black and Latina girls I can make a somewhat educated guess of what may be going on. I will stereotype race for sake of brevity. Needless to say there are variations. I think your experience has more to do with how the men were brought up concerning women and less about you. That is to say Black and Latino men are more willing to risk rejection than white men. That's not because they are genetically more assertive, it's because the women and men in their ethnic group demand more from them. They have less of an oppertunity to step up half ass, thus they adapt.

My point is (assuming you are indeed attractive) that there are likely white men who like you. If they haven't been through some hard knocks they simply haven't found a safe enough path to express it. Try to make friends with these guys through maximizing involvement with groups and activities. Multiple contacts create multiple oppertunities.

[HeartIsAching]

I would be interested in meeting an attractive Saudi Arabian girl, but I suppose it's possible I might feel like there is a cultural gap ... like she has her own thing going with her own dating circle and so forth. What I would recommend is when you see a guy you like, go ask him some mundane question (like, where is xyz room?). I actually had a middle eastern woman ask me that question at my school and although I think she really wanted to know the answer, it is a good way to break the ice without seeming too forward as I know girls like to avoid that for the most part. Simple!

I actually avoided a relationship once with a beautiful Turkish young woman that I knew was interested in me, because I also knew she was a recent immigrant to Germany (where I was stationed), traditional and Muslim... I really didn't want the hassles.

[HeartIsAching]

Robert, That was really really helpful!

You know what, I don't smile at guys I like, I just look at them. Sometimes I feel weird if I smile at them because I am thinking I will look weird smiling at strangers even if they are "guys at school" .. So smiling at them is not going to look strange or out of context?

Thanks again, your thoughts are new for me

No, it will not. In fact, one of my favorite methods in the past of determining if I had a shot at a girl was to smile at her. If she smiled back, the possibility existed.

[somehelp4me]

somehelp4me,

How can I be less intimidating? Thanks

Don't go changing everything about you to please people who might not be worth it or your time.
I don't get the deal with these guys you described they sound like teenage boys not guys in college.

[Starnique]

basilandthyme,
Thanks for seconding me! I always dislike these kind of terms.

Why is that? Some men act like men and some still act like boys. You may be a man in the physical but lack in everything else that a man is supposed to do. Taking care of himself, being stable career and financially, taking care of his business, having his own stuff and not his moms, being respectful, not hitting on women, taking care of their family and children etc.

So as I said, he may be a man in the physical and natural eye but that's it. I don't know why people around here are taking it so literal. So the people who don't like it, then please feel free to explain.

[christianivan]

Maaybe you're not attractive enough to them.

[cheeze_guy]

As a white guy this is probably going to be the lamest answer ever. I have been with one brown girl in my life she had to approach me, She was absolutely beautiful and I felt intimidated, I kind of always do I don't know what it is I can speak to any girl put a gorgeous brown girl in front of me and I sound like I have a mouth full of food.

Sorry for the no help haha