Opinions on this matter?

[whatname]

I hope u read all and actually leave your opinion. I've been going to a therapist to get some help as there are two things i wanted ( and am) working on..

1. Be more confident.
2. Try to be more peaceful.

I'll try to keep it simple. I want to be more confident so that i feel better, im too shy and sometimes get anxious, social phobia, but i do notice that when i do start talking i start feeling "normal", so through cognitive behavioral therapy i have started and have felt that i feel happier, react calmer to things i might not like, but it's a process.

One of the biggest challenges is my household though. Im 19, (this is where the peaceful thing comes in) my dad is insane, a piece of trash, wont bother explaining more but hes shit, and this is where it gets me.

I go all the way to a therapist to try to be more confident with those around me, i try to rethink things in my mind so that i dont take things too seriously and try to be more calm, happy, i try to look into my self and fix what might need fixing, but my father who is a total idiot and ass doesnt change, doesnt want to change, everyday he does things i dont like im human after all but ive tried to fix the way i respond and i have improved, but today i see a bottle of beer, hes drunk, he makes a spill in the fridge, my mom reacts angry he gets angrier because he fears confrontation so he tries to attack the situation ( thats how i see it, and what i dont want in me) and at that moment i go up to him and talk to him about the situation, i start off calm but he doesnt listen and it basically just ends in him saying hes done nothing wrong, basically he wont change, i got pissed, cried a little , all while justifying this to my self by saying that im just human, and that as long as i realize what i did and try to fix upon it, i can advance as a person but....

Dont you think that its impossible to live in a situation like this? Im doing all i can to change, while living with two people who dont know where to begin and dont want to either when it comes to changing, i can change how i react, but i will always live with the same people, its not right for me to live like this. My mother is afraid of me even talking to him, these are the two reasons.

Shes afraid she might get pissed and might kill someone.
She doesnt want the neigbors to listen.

She basically doesnt understand me, and is a hyprocrite who doesnt like to try to fix things, while he is basically an angrier version of this, while i try to be insightful into myself and make a difference, they go away, theres a quote that says...

"time changes things, thats what people say, its not true, doing things changes things, not doing things leaves things exactly as they were".

She has never try to fix anything in herself or her husband because she is afraid of what her friends or family might say, or she doesnt like to think about it, and hes basically so insane he thinks hes right, point is, i truly believe that i shouldnt be too hard on my self and should believe that the way i reacted today which was angry was correct, because here are two people who will never change, im only human, i can work on controlling my way of seeing things, but this is like trying to find new ways to hold on to a rope with wolfs waiting beneath, u might find new better ways to hang on but these wolves are still there.

iT IS AN INJUSTICE.

[DalM0m]

When can you move out?

If you can't move out, start going to Al-Anon meetings, they are support groups for people who live with & love alcoholics. Also try to find places to spend lots of time that is not your home.

[oxytocinbite]

I moved out not to long ago because I could not deal with my family anymore and I did not feel happy with the person I was around them. You already know you can't change them, they are the only ones who can.

I don't speak to my family anymore and I felt guilty for a while but I am starting to feel a lot happier and much more emotionally stable. Can you try to get a job if you dont have one..maybe save up? Get a room mate and move out is what I would do. Luckily I moved in with my bf.

I usually tried to ignore my mother but most of the time it involved us screaming at eachother and me running outside to call my bf. xD She Is emotionally abusive and I was turning into a very depressed/cold negative person around my family. I would feel extremely overwhelmed all of the time because I felt very under appreciated.

If I was you I would try to stay busy, get a job, make some friends, and go out as much as possible while surrounding yourself with anyone who can make you happy.

[Lord Darkshire]

Their problems don't have to be yours. Move out. By removing yourself from this environment, you will feel loads better about yourself and will be able to move forward with your life in a positive way.

[sajib]

There is this thing I don't believe with which other poster have been saying, moving out!! at 19 you can't move out because first of all how are going to survive unless when you are working. But I do believe you can get used to your problems, realizing that it is your only family and you can't swap it for anything. If our dad does not listen or admit that he is wrong then stop taking things serious, assuming that he says something to you and just treat it as if nothing said, he will be supprized and hurt at the same time. The more it will go on like that, he will come to realize his mistakes some days.

[basilandthyme]

I join those advising you to move out. I assume you're at college....does your college have accommodation?

[michelle23]

I agree. There is no point getting all this therapy and trying to get better if every time you come home your surrounded by whats causing all your problems in the first place. Moving out is hard but with determination you can do it. Are you in school? Working? Have you looked into cheap accomodation or house sharing?

Good for you for trying to change your life. sometimes you gotta let go of the dysfunction and destructive people around you in order to do that though. Are you close to your grandparents or an aunt/uncle that could help?

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