Need some advice...

[madisonjade]

I'm out of places to turn, and I need some advice. First off I want to say I know I've made mistakes. I'm not looking to be judged because believe me, I've done plenty of judging and criticizing of myself already. I'm in this situation and I regret every detail that's led me here. But, here I am.

I'm a 22 year old girl. I guess that's important. I was with this guy. He was amazing. We were together for 2.5 years, and broke up about 7 months ago. I thought we were going to get married and be together forever. I really did. But then, I had a meltdown and made mistakes. I had a way-too-early life-crisis, because I was terrified of the future. I was terrified of graduating college and getting a job and starting a life. I was scared. I met this other guy. I didn't like him at first in any way other than friends. But we talked a lot and... well long story short, it broke me and my ex up. Then I ended up dating this new guy. However, this guy went away a little while ago. He's coming back in 20 days. Shortly after starting to see this guy, I sorted my life out and got over my miniature breakdown, and I've spent pretty much every day since shortly after starting to date this guy (every day since figuring myself out) missing my ex. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him or think about him. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how easy it would be to slip back into my life with him. And not a day goes by where I don't think... what have I done? I've been trying to give it time, to see if it was just a temporary thing. But I've been in a downward spiral.

My ex told me, when we were breaking up, to talk to him once I've figured things out for myself. But... would he ever forgive me?

My question is... do I really miss him? I have looked into similar situations that others have gone through and people tell them that they only miss the memories and times spent with their ex, not actually their ex. But I can't help but feel like I still love him. I mean, I KNOW I will always love him. But do I miss him, or our amazing time together?

And part of me thinks... this is my own fault and now I have to deal with the consequences. I don't deserve my ex back. He was nothing but wonderful to me. He really was the best guy I could have dreamed of. But ... what's the saying? "I made my bed and now I have to lay in it." I deserve this...

And part of me wonders as well... do I only miss my ex so much because my new boyfriend has been away? Will that change once he is with me again? Am I just lonely? I mean, sure, I started missing my ex BEFORE my current boyfriend went away. But I'm sure being alone is adding to it. Right?

This new guy really is great and I don't want to give him up if this is just a passing phase. I don't want to make another mistake. But I've given these feelings so much time to go away, and they just aren't. Some days are worse than others. But it's always there. I just don't know how to sort through all of these feelings.

So, I'm asking for your help. I don't know what to do. Please, I need advice.

[michelle23]

This is what happens when you have an affair or leave one partner for another. Your heads in the clouds (infatuated by someone new) not thinking straight so you make big mistakes that you regret. Later you come back down to earth and realize what youve done

Leave your ex alone, you ****ed up, deal with it, learn from it and move on

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[Cerby]

It is always easier to remember the good times, and the further away you get from the past, the better the memories get, especially about "the one that got away". You said yourself that you're not even really sure you miss him, so obviously this is just some 22-year old phase where you can't make your mind up. Don't contact your ex, and if you're so certain you should, then dump your current SO as you're not serious about him either.

Maybe a little single time would help you figure yourself out, sounds like you're pretty screwed in the head right now.

[DalM0m]

You have never spent any time by yourself as an adult. Perhaps you need that.

[Wakeup]

But we talked a lot and... well long story short, it broke me and my ex up. Then I ended up dating this new guy. However, this guy went away a little while ago. He's coming back in 20 days. Shortly after starting to see this guy, I sorted my life out and got over my miniature breakdown, and I've spent pretty much every day since shortly after starting to date this guy (every day since figuring myself out) missing my ex. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him or think about him. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how easy it would be to slip back into my life with him. And not a day goes by where I don't think... what have I done? I've been trying to give it time, to see if it was just a temporary thing. But I've been in a downward spiral.

How very unfair you are being to the asshole that helped you to emotionally unengage with your ex partner (the man you now long to be with) WTF. You string him along if you are with him but want to be with someone else.

Seriously leave both men alone for at least one year. Get the help you need (therapy) to figure out what it is you actually want out of life besides some man that you're not even sure you want to be with. Work on your maturation, your integrity, your personal boundaries. Take some courses, join a gym, read some self help books (go to the library or your book store and browse the titles that will help you to improve YOU).

You are being unfair to yourself and two men in this scenerio. You need to be alone and learn to be happy in your own skin before you'll ever be happy in a relationship. Work on you and forget men right now.

[oxytocinbite]

You are not over your ex because you never gave yourself time to move on, you just started dating this guy before you were ready. You need to break up with him and get yourself together. Be single for a while until you are emotinally mature enough to date again.

Don't contact your ex because you need to figure out who you are and what you want. I know the future can be scarybut you can't do what you did.Stop beating yourself up over it, it won't help. You know you made mistakes and now is the time to forgive yourself and learn from them. It's the only way for you to become a better person.