Girlfriend of 4 years breaks up with me after 2 months of long distance. Consid

[ABCDEFG12345]

Were both going to different law schools about 6 hours apart. She broke up with me two months in because she couldn't handle the distance and it really hurt me. I know she put genuine effort into our relationship nearing the end while I neglected it due to my general absentmindedness and disorganization. After break up I was super sad but definitely learned a lot about myself during that time. Realized that I really resented the person I had become and often took it out by being passively condescending to people close to me. I'm now developing a much more positive outlook on life and feel 100x more capable of accomplishing my personal goals and pursuing my own interests.

So about a month after the initial break up she initiates contact with me and we start texting. By her tone it is quite clear to me that she still has feelings for me and probably wants to develop a romantic relationship again. I still have feelings for her as well and I think she could be "the one" for me but i have a few issues. I want to make sure our relationship doesn't turn into what it used to be, which, after gaining a little perspective by spending some time apart, i don't think it will.

The thing I am struggling with the most is the possibility that she slept with someone else during our break. I don't yet know if she did or not, but if she did I'm not sure how I'll feel about trying to work things out with that looming over me. Especially because she initiated the break up, it feels a little sketch to me. If she didn't i will for sure get back together with her, but if she did, is that a justifiable excuse? I mean, we weren't dating at the time so it wouldn't be "cheating". What do you think?

[4 ratties]

Do not ask her. It is none of your business. U broke up because of your bad attitude, not so she could sleep with someone else. If she did, good for her. She was single and could do what she wants.

[ABCDEFG12345]

Well "bad attitude" is kind of a stretch. For instance, we would text every day and Skype every night and her issue is that we didn't communicate enough. I was often busy and would take time to reply (being in law school)but I feel like i did put forth a reasonable effort into our relationship, so my concern is that she may have broken up with me BECAUSE she wanted to hook up. I don't think its right to break up with someone then get back together again after hooking up, I consider that to be unjustifiable behavior and would not want to deal with the work of getting back together, especially if she was unwilling to tell me the truth.

[Heart Healer]

Hi ABCDEFG12345,



Talking about relationship and re-union, I feel, this time you need to put in a lot more efforts to re-organize things. Mistakes happen. Point is, not to repeat them again. That's something unavoidable and acceptable. So, forget the break up. Life is giving you another chance to mend things up. I suggest you should go for it without thinking too much.

Regarding your girlfriend sleeping with someone else, you are not pretty sure about it, whether she did or not? Also, after breaking up with you, she was going through an emotional
heartbreak as well. It happens, sometimes, when you get emotionally weak, you tend to do things just to deviate your mind from the pain. I know, its not justified completely but its a punishment for you, perhaps for all the mistakes you think you did. So, in a way, if she slept with someone else, it was just to do away with the pain of separation. I am sure, there were no feelings attached.

Talk to her on this when you think time is right. Try to let it go for a while. I am sure, she must have regrets over it as well. Try to mend things up on your side. You must have put in considerable efforts in your relationship to save it, but it was perhaps too late.

If you feel, she broke up with you because she wanted to hook up with someone else, you can decide to let her go as well. A mutual communication, a deep understanding is the only solution to your doubt about her sleeping with someone else.

[TablesandChairs]

Fair point - you don't want to get together if her underlying motive for breaking up with you was so she could sleep with others. It sucks when people do that because it puts the blame on you (lack of communication, lack of this/that) when it wasn't really about that.

So, just ask her. Tell her you have certain concerns regarding your break-up. See what she says. It might have been completely genuine on her part but you won't know until you ask.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think it's safe to say she slept with someone else. Probably did break up with you to do so. Just tell her you don't want a serious relationship with her right now because of the distance, but if you want to see each other occasionally, you're open to it. No matter her reason for breaking up, the distance definitely took its toll. You sound like you're doing really well on your own. Don't let her just come waltzing back in when it's convenient for her and **** that all up for you. Tell her you still think she could be "the one" but tell her you don't want anything serious with her again until you graduate and are in the same city. Don't contact her everyday, and keep dating local girls. This chick has shown her colors, don't trust her again so easily.

[michelle23]

Ask her did anything happen while your apart. If yes, then you no to go your separate ways. It would be a deal breaker for me too and i wouldnt go back if something happened..

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