OMG guys, I just had an epiphany on love while replying to posts!

[Ugly_Swan]

I was posting how nothing feels as good as romance, so when I get into a relationship it becomes the centre of my world, and also about how nothing is a sure thing so it's bad to trust, etc.

And just now it hit me:

MAYBE...the "love" feels so good because I/we project our ideals and expectations of it being safe and secure and permanent. Books/movies/etc. kinda reinforce that false belief. BUT if you accept that no relationship is forever and that you can't REALLY trust that person--the "love"/relationship becomes less appealing and it no longer feels as good--because you don't mistake it for something amazing (which it isn't). And that way you can avoid getting overly attached, etc.

Please comment/give your thoughts/discuss/debate...

[HeartIsAching]

Yup... this stage is properly called "infatuation". It's not love.

Real love means you actually know your partner for who they are, warts and all... and love them to pieces anyhow.

[Ugly_Swan]

Yup... this stage is properly called "infatuation". It's not love.

Real love means you actually know your partner for who they are, warts and all... and love them to pieces anyhow.

lol but that real love you speak of doesn't even exist. Even they can leave any time.

[Wakeup]

What does loving have to do with leaving?

[oxytocinbite]

I don't believe that at all, yes sometimes relationships end but just because they do does not mean I am going to never trust that I will not find love again. I trust my partner and I love him.

I could leave anytime I wanted to but I won't unless he gives me a reason to. I don't know if this relationship will last forever but at the moment I feel like it will, if it ends then I will move on..learn from mistakes and find love again.

Of course I feel safe and secure with my partner, you don't stay with someone who makes you feel unsafe. I'm not infatuated because I feel secure and safe.

[Ugly_Swan]

if something will eventually end and you don't know when = not secure/permanent/fickle

[Wakeup]

OFFS.. I don't know where you're getting your ideas from but wherever it is, stop visiting there.

ALL relationships end either through death or through breakup. That doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy someone in the interim. Goodness you need to realize that even though a relationship will eventually end that you won't die because of it. That with the right time and what you do with your time, you will come through your grief at the other end of the tunnel you just journeyed through and you will love again. Work on you and the rest will follow.

[HeartIsAching]

lol but that real love you speak of doesn't even exist.

Yes it does.

[Ugly_Swan]

Yes it does.

Not if all "love" comes to an end. It literally then implies that the person is not wholly loved--because the end comes when the person is no longer "acceptable".

[Starnique]

Ugly swan, why are you such a negative person? What happened? You need to work on that. It's unattractive.

[pcmaster]

Perhaps better question would be " Ugly Swan, why are you so ugly(from inside)?

You could be less ugly and more swan.

[Ugly_Swan]

Perhaps better question would be " Ugly Swan, why are you so ugly(from inside)?

You could be less ugly and more swan.

lol I actually disagree about being ugly on the inside. I'm pretty caring and empathetic and silly and clever and multi-faceted. But it's like I have an internal cancer that I just can't hide anymore. I can't deny my fear anymore by covering it up--it leads to anxiety. So I have to explore it now so I can tryyyy and stop it.

[RobertWQ]

I was posting how nothing feels as good as romance, so when I get into a relationship it becomes the centre of my world, and also about how nothing is a sure thing so it's bad to trust, etc.

And just now it hit me:

MAYBE...the "love" feels so good because I/we project our ideals and expectations of it being safe and secure and permanent. Books/movies/etc. kinda reinforce that false belief. BUT if you accept that no relationship is forever and that you can't REALLY trust that person--the "love"/relationship becomes less appealing and it no longer feels as good--because you don't mistake it for something amazing (which it isn't). And that way you can avoid getting overly attached, etc.

Please comment/give your thoughts/discuss/debate...

It's true. Love may feel good but it's no more significant than a rumbling feeling in your stomach. It's still ultimately just a series of emotions to motivate you to carry out a biological function (reproduction and raising kiddies).

[RobertWQ]

Perhaps better question would be " Ugly Swan, why are you so ugly(from inside)?

You could be less ugly and more swan.

You're a dick. And you don't understand much either.

[Wakeup]

^^^ that's rude and off topic. He actually has a point. OP is wanting to contemplate her need to be in a relationship while being, at the same time, afraid of one... That's become clear in this particular thread (at least to me). She has inside issues that are hindering her romantic and personal life. She comes up with something that she believes that is counter-productive to her getting to the stage where she can successfully manuever through a reciprocal and loving relationship by tainting the idea of love itself. That is ugly.