please help me with this feeling of lost :( :(

[hatesthis]

Person I loved most in world in a way has hurt me so bad, I feel like less than worthless. Been in a complicated relationship, LDR one, for last few years, only by several hours, but for some far enough that you cannot drive weekdays and have to phone email weekdays, and only get chance to see a sat part of sunday and only every 2nd week. Not imp. but explaining us. So 2 years ago almost we broke up out of an actual engagement, ldr was hard, and we were younger. Stayed close, always loved, soulmates, I felt.
I gave ring back at break because felt wrong keeping like some women do. But our intimacy never left us, were intimate on phone, in mails on chat all of it long after break, and weirdly enough only with one another, with occasional once a month then meet ups. Not **** buddies, still love buddies. We had a big fight over 8 days ago, been strained, he went further away to his families so distance got further away and still had some contact, but I was told something from someone in his town that bothered me, because we fought again he said he would need to think, and then next time we talked on chat only 4 mins in he said about turning a certain age and made himself promises and I didnt know what he meant, and he said I asked someone out, I found someone I like and asked out and want to date, time to move on and he said time to move like 30 times to me, it was a blindside, because nothing about dating others was ever discussed I always thought he thought we'd either have me move there or inbetween and both move, not break up and date others he is only person I have loved and been with for yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears. I'm crushed. I got furious, felt betrayed, came out of nowhere, I felt he must have met and one night sexd someone drunk or not and liked it and because they live there wants to date them and is trashing me like I was nothing. I had to log out couldn't see to read because crying so much I actually vomitted at computer desk.
Next day he sends me an email from his work address, saying he needs time and wants a break and he will contact me when ready, so basically saying you mean **** all to me, piss off bitch I wanted to call, text, email chat, anything, even go there.
But I feel like a sad **** if I reach out is so onsided and I feel like I lost my everything and could kill myself it hurts so bad, I loved him so much and I don't want him kissing another having sex marrying having a family with person I never stopped loving, I feel like he did this to hurt me because years ago I hurt when distance was hurting us. But that we both discussed, this came from no where. His words were I now met someone, I like them and want to date them. NO sorry, no nothing. Like all this time working back to us was nothing but him wasting time until he found a dream girl, better than me and then happily shits on me as comeuppance. I am sure he was on date last night, I sat home and cried. What can I do not to contact him, to resist urge to reach out, to occupy mind and comfort my pain? I feel alone, and it hurts. I think his male friends wanted him to have a gf there for all of them to go to festivals and movies together, not me over here. I've never dated anyone since him, not once, never kissed another man, nothing intimate was still loyal to one who held my heart. Why did he hurt me so coldly way he did, why not ease into it, or call me or drive up and tell me? why over a chat and so abruptly?

[hatesthis]

I wouldn't be so upset if we ever discussed dating others, we didn't, I feel like I was deliberately punished and hurt by him, he took pleasure in doing this and having me mouth open shocked and hurt. If he one night standed someone then say that but dating, I thought we were dating, ldr style but we were exclusive. What did I do to cause him to hurt me with a blindside

[toknow]

You should be admired for your faithfulness. It's beautiful.

[hatesthis]

Thank you for that, toknow.
He obviously didn't appreciate it or respect it. Probably a good laugh at me right now. I thought it would have called me to see if I was doing okay, and my dad said of course he wouldn't he wants me out of the way not reminding him someone loved him. That's why a total shut down at me after dropping the bomb. I want to say I hate him, but I still love him you can't shut that off, wish I could because I am left alone on a cold iceberg, while he is off sunbathing in the tropics, it feels like. Was he stringing me along waiting for this moment to hurt me? Could have called me or drove up this weekend.

What should I tell myself so I don't try to call or message him?

[michelle23]

Im sorry your hurting but it sounds like to him you were just a **** buddy the past 2 years.. once a month is not a relationship.

Its v hard to maintain long distance. Im surprised it went on for so long and he could have been cheating all this time. You cant trust someone so far away.

You need to be strong now, accept its over and delete/bock him from everything. Dont contact him at all.

Im sure theres plenty of local guys around who you could have a real life relationship with. Take the time to heal and then start dating locally. Once you do that, youll realize how much better it is and youll be happier for it.

Dont do ldr again. They dont work

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[hatesthis]

I haven't called, or texted or Imd, wouldn't email because it is the weekend now. I was sure since it has been a few days that I haven't sent any reply back off a work message he sent, too much of a coward to actually call me I think If he loved me like he claimed he did all this time right up until that fight and silence and then oh btw I'm asking someone I like out, wouldn't he worry about my state of mind? and when did he find this person he likes so much and spend enough time with her to know he likes her and when most evening after our works for hrs we both talked to each other, except during his work lunch hrs last week and when he went home, has to be a girl from those times. He knew I was 100% invested, and told me he was too. We saw each other 2 times a month, he'd come up one week and gap week after and then I would go up, and more if holiday or vacation times. Talked daily, and nightly all week though.
He could have been cheating, I took his word he wasn't because I knew I wasn't and I felt he was as loyal as I was.

Why wouldn't he call and tell me he liked someone and wanted to date them, why tell me over a chat? Why make it the most coldest way, outside of a text to let me know and then go after want time away to get head straight need awhile? His head sounds straight to me, doesn't want me, wants to move on with girl he probably slept with, so why not give me kindness of time put in to discuss things like adults? Is he scared I will get him to change his mind?
He kept saying these three things over and over and over during talk, not telling you about them, time to move on, I want to date them. So whatever I said he would answer with one of those three replies.

[hatesthis]

Also, I am scared he'll forget about me and how much I did matter if I say silent and I will blow my chances, I know is not a reasonable thought but is a thought coming from still being in love and sad.

[FAndrews]

It sounds like he was no where near as invested in the relationship as you, but it sounds like you didn't see each other enough anyway. its sad to hear, LDR can be hard, you are in need of some healing time, and some local romance.

[michelle23]

He wont forget you by being silent. It actually works better to ignore him and pretend you dont care. Hell wonder y your not being all desperate and begging for his attention and hell think he f**ked up.

Things prob wont work out with this bitch and he likely will be back in a few months trying to worm his way back in if you completely ignore him. But please use this time to get over him. Dont take him back. Take some time out to be sad and then go on a few casual dates, join a dating site, flirt, boost your confidence with some harmless attention and if/when he does come back you can tell him to take a flying jump under a bus

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[smackie9]

I know you are very angry and hurt but truly he never wanted to hurt you and breakups are never ever easy. He wasn't being vindictive, hateful, and I highly doubt this was a laughing matter to him. Relationships and people's feelings are unpredictable and thing can change. Obviously he grew wary of the arrangement you both had and yes meeting someone who is more available (not necessarily better than you) will be desirable. He made it quick because he knew how difficult and painful it was going to be.

[hatesthis]

It sounds like he was no where near as invested in the relationship as you, but it sounds like you didn't see each other enough anyway. its sad to hear, LDR can be hard, you are in need of some healing time, and some local romance.

I didn't find the LDR part of it hard, it is what we knew, plus both our jobs are busy and take us away so even if in the same city it would be hard to get together weeknights, only thing we missed out on were those 2nd weekends. It always gave the impression he was right along side me feeling what I felt, no idea until he hit me with this. I want to know who it is, bothering me. I think is a friend from high school or a person he works with because of not talking with me that week of work lunches. healing time will take a long time because relationship was a long time and no one I want to date here.

[hatesthis]

He wont forget you by being silent. It actually works better to ignore him and pretend you dont care. Hell wonder y your not being all desperate and begging for his attention and hell think he f**ked up.

Things prob wont work out with this bitch and he likely will be back in a few months trying to worm his way back in if you completely ignore him. But please use this time to get over him. Dont take him back. Take some time out to be sad and then go on a few casual dates, join a dating site, flirt, boost your confidence with some harmless attention and if/when he does come back you can tell him to take a flying jump under a bus

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I worry he will think wonderful she is giving me what I want I hurt her enough she is leaving me alone so I can pursue the new one in peace, so he gets his cake and eats it too while I cry in my corner. Win, win and more for him, nothing it feels for me. I wanted to call his mom's because if someone from his hometown he would be there this weekend not in his city and it would prove to me where he met them, but I haven't called, feel scared to really know truth. I want to know for my own closure but scared to know, does that make sense?
I don't think he plans to ask me back, so hard to take back someone who suddenly says beat it loser and doesn't look back to see how wounded you are.

[hatesthis]

I know you are very angry and hurt but truly he never wanted to hurt you and breakups are never ever easy. He wasn't being vindictive, hateful, and I highly doubt this was a laughing matter to him. Relationships and people's feelings are unpredictable and thing can change. Obviously he grew wary of the arrangement you both had and yes meeting someone who is more available (not necessarily better than you) will be desirable. He made it quick because he knew how difficult and painful it was going to be.

I feel some hate for him but even that comes out in tears of dear gos I still love him so much what do I do with all these feelings of love I have now. So not much angry, more sadness and shock. Like did I push him away? Why does it feel like he is punishing me. But there was nothing to clue me into we would even break up, if I thought maybe but nothing. Don't you find telling me on a chat service this few minutes into a nice conversation where I said right off missed you, love you whats going on over there etc. Then beat about the head for an hour.
I would have expected a call if he cared about me, but on calls he would have to hear my crying and disappointment so he made it easier for himself, harder on me. Because I get no closure. Why didn't he tell me he was growing wary though, discuss it? But then why go need space and time I'll talk and contact you when ready, and shut me out? Knowing how do I process everything, and he wouldn't answer any of my questions. If it was me and I did this to him, I would have either told him when I went up, or called him and I would have given him all the info he needed to process things and get some closure because isn't that what you do for a person you loved for so long, ease their pain you just caused them in a small way. I feel like waiting 5 days and calling his mom's.

[michelle23]

I worry he will think wonderful she is giving me what I want I hurt her enough she is leaving me alone so I can pursue the new one in peace, so he gets his cake and eats it too while I cry in my corner. Win, win and more for him, nothing it feels for me. I wanted to call his mom's because if someone from his hometown he would be there this weekend not in his city and it would prove to me where he met them, but I haven't called, feel scared to really know truth. I want to know for my own closure but scared to know, does that make sense?
I don't think he plans to ask me back, so hard to take back someone who suddenly says beat it loser and doesn't look back to see how wounded you are.

All breakups are hard hun. What your feeling is totally normal. If you really want to know then write to him. Say "just have a few things im struggling to understand and id appreciate if you told me the truth. When and how did you meet her, did you cheat on me"

And add anything else you wana ask. Keep it brief, keep emotions out of it and dont tell him your hurt or sad etc

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[michelle23]

Please dont take my last post as false hope. If he does come back which he may not, it might only be to use you till something else more local comes along so dont go there. I really dont think his heart has been in this for awhile. As hard as that is to accept right now, you will be okay.

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