Marriage and Children ... Pointless?

[RobertWQ]

To me, both marriage and having children seem essentially pointless. Before you object, consider that in (US) society today, far fewer younger people are getting married or having children. Time ran an article about the latter recently: http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2148636,00.html

So clearly I am not alone in this assessment.


Here's why I think both are pointless:


Marriage: From a man's point of view, why get married? If you are the breadwinner, it puts you in a financially disadvantageous situation. It prevents you from being able to date whomever you wish. If you are in love with a woman enough to want to be exclusive with her, you should not require a signed a legal contract with certificate to declare it. And I've seen far too many (including on this forum) instances of women having the provider guy, while sleeping with the sexually preferred guy. It's just too much for me ... not only are you paying for her stuff, but she's sleeping around on you too. Now I get that not all women do this, and that men do it too, but I'm speaking from a man's POV.


Children: Kind of went over this on my other thread in the intimacy forum. I actually like kids. However, they are enormously demanding, and it's not clear why you would want to take on these demands willingly. Why not have your money, time, energy, fruits of labor, choices, space, etc. to yourself?

[dickriculous]

[basilandthyme]

Robert, I think you're making the right choice for yourself.

If you don't trust women, you'd be crazy to tie yourself down with one. And kids ARE a lot of hard work and sacrifice - if you're not up for it, then don't do it.

[michelle23]

If thats what you want, thats fine. Its your life. I do worry though about your mistrust in the female species. I wonder why you feel that way. Sure theres some awful bitches out there but some great ones too.

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[RobertWQ]

It's not really based on whether I trust women or not. That's kind of a side factor. I'm sure there are many loyal women. It's more about whether marriage is worthwhile based on the benefits it confers on men (and women).

[michelle23]

Well you do realize if you live with a girl for a certain lenght of time-youve legally got the same rights as a married couple so if your worried about money, property etc-remember that too

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[RobertWQ]

True. That's why ideally I'd like to find a woman who complements me in those ways ... or just stay a bachelor.

[basilandthyme]

Well you do realize if you live with a girl for a certain lenght of time-youve legally got the same rights as a married couple so if your worried about money, property etc-remember that too

Is this true for the state the OP lives in?

Edited to add: it must be true because he acknowledged the fact. Doh

[RobertWQ]

Well, I actually haven't looked into the details of my particular state (fair chance I'll be moving out of state eventually anyway).

[basilandthyme]

Well, I actually haven't looked into the details of my particular state (fair chance I'll be moving out of state eventually anyway).

In that case, it's worth checking out what your defacto laws are prior to moving in with anyone.

[loveagain]

After a 17 year marriage and drawn out divorce, I'm cynical enough about the legal institution of marriage to agree with the OP on this point. That said, I'll probably get married again one day.

As to children, is it more important to do everything for yourself or give of yourself to others? If you believe the latter it doesn't have to be children. It can be animal rescue, homeless, and many other causes.

I'll add one more thing: raising children is a big drain and responsibility; but it's not as bad as you think. You adapt. Having children can - and should - actually motivate you to be more disciplined with your time and finances which can benefit you in the long term.

[basilandthyme]

speaking of being cynical about marriage.....

There's a reason I'm defacto this time around: I would never again promise "for better or worse" because I know I'd leave if I was treated like crap. I discovered that getting married is a piece of paper, and getting out of it is just another piece of paper.

[michelle23]

Yup exactly. You can get outa it if he changes for the worst or treats you badly. Id change the vows. I wouldnt say for better or worse or till death do us party. Id say something like for as long as we love each other and make each other happy. You can write your own vows

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[basilandthyme]

Yup exactly. You can get outa it if he changes for the worst or treats you badly. Id change the vows. I wouldnt say for better or worse or till death do us party. Id say something like for as long as we love each other and make each other happy. You can write your own vows

Can you imagine the scandal among the guests if they heard such vows?

[bluesummer]

Well, I'm a divorced (remarried) woman. After my first marriage, I felt a lot like your original post, but from a woman's point of view. Also, I was the breadwinner.
Why get married, when a man just sees you as a piece of property that's supposed to stay home and take care of the house, yet also go earn an income? Why when all my income goes to paying bills and buying groceries and his goes to going out and getting drunk with his friends all week? Why should I be expected to be faithful and be put through the third degree constantly about my fidelity and what I'm wearing when he's out sleeping with every else?

So there's two sides, and I promise you, women go through the same shit equally as men. If not more.

Yet I chose to get married again. Why? Not sure. I met a good man who treated me as an equal, not a thing that belonged to him. We enjoyed each other's company and had the same goals in life and wanted to work together on achieving them. We knew that together we could accomplish a lot more than as individuals. He wanted to get married, so I tossed aside my cyncism and gave in, and it's awesome. I'm going through life with my best friend.

As for children.....I'm not a fan. I'm still enjoying spending time and money on myself. When I feel like I don't need sleep or money, maybe I'll have a child lol.