My BF, his b-day, female "friends & now he's mad at me.

[ChloeGirl]

Today is my BF birthday and he isn't speaking to me. We just became a couple but we havent talked too much about but he isnt sleeping with anyone else (he isn't supposed to be) and neither am I and we are very closer then normal friends. We act like a couple so thats why I say BF. I say this because the other day, I asked him how would he feel if I slept with someone else (which I wasn't planning to do but I wanted his thoughts on it) and he said, "Chloe, be quiet. Don't be silly". It wasn't in a mean tone but more on the lines of, "You already know how I would feel about that" I am sure he is mad at me over a problem we had this weekend. I really would like some male input about what he may be thinking or what would you be thinking about this.

Saturday, my boyfriend calls me and tells me that he isn't going to have the house party that he planned to have for his birthday. He said he wanted to save some money and decided that he and all of his friends would just go out to the club. Here's how our conversation went. He said, "I'm going to so and so tonight". I said, "Oh are you? Well you must want me to come". He said, "Yeah. I have a lot of female friends that are coming". (I felt a twinge of jealousy and sort of categorized at that point. I felt as if, so tonight you're going to have all your female friends there and you want to make it clear we aren't official or are you warning me) I said, "Well, I'm not going then". He said, "Why? I"m going to have a lot of guy friends there also". I said, "No. I had other plans anyway". He said, "Alright" and hung up on me. I knew he was upset and so was I so I didnt reach out to him until later that evening. I sent him a text and said, "Hey". No reply. So later that night, I decided to get dressed and head to the club I knew he planned to go to. I thought about it and felt maybe I was being a bitch so decided to surprise him and show up. I tried calling him and got no answer. I then sent a few texts. I didn't see his car but the parking lot was crowded. I didnt want to pay to go in by myself and he not be there. I tried to reach him and he was clearly ignoring me so I went home.

Today is his birthday and I tried calling him several times and texting him wishing him a happy birthday and he is still ignoring me. I feel bad because now I feel as if my presense was very important to him and he is disappointed in how I was acting and that I didn't show up for something as special as his birthday. I normally do whatever I can to make him happy and I feel as if he should at least talk to me considering how good I usually am to him. He is really mad at me. He is not replying to me at all.

I will admit that I have jealousy and trust issues. (I was mistreated, cheated on and abused in my previous relationship) I admit that I can be all about myself sometimes. Truth is, I didn't want his female friends that he possibly slept with or had something going on with in my presense. I didn't last night and I still don't. He is a very social, attractive, charming and friendly guy, so I knew he would have socialized with them and I wouldn't have liked that.

I just need some male perspective here. Do you all think that he is over with me? Is he maybe ignoring me to put our relationship in perspective? What could he be thinking? I really miss him. and I want to talk to him. Ladies your input is welcome to. Did I over react? I really felt a certain way when he said, lots of his female friends would be there. I felt categorized as if he wanted to make it aware we wasn't official or is he was just telling me what was going on and it wasn't intentional. I just don't know. Advice needed.

I was thinking about riding to his place, which is in another city about 40 minutes away. 20-25 for me. I want to take him his gift and talk to him. I know he will be upset if I drop in unannounced. We had a talk about this and he said if I ever did that, he would let me in but I would hear his mouth over it. He said that before we were dating but now we are on a different level and maybe he feels differently. What is going on with him? What can I do about it?

[smackie9]

From what you have described, you two are sleeping together, but it's too early to say it's a committed relationship or you are uncertain as to the status of what you two are am I right? And instead of actually coming out and asking him, you have been testing him with silly questions about sleeping with others to see his reaction. You are paranoid and jealous because you are still reeling from your last relationship. You assume the worst when all he is doing is hoping that you won't ruin his Bday making a scene because some of his female friends will be some of the guests attending.

You are the cause of your demise with this relationship. I suspect he has had enough of the jealousy, and has regretted getting involved with someone who isn't ready emotionally. You have too much baggage and it cramps his style. He doesn't want your drama.
You will wreak of desperation if you show up unannounced, with a gift
I think it's way to late to suck up to him now. I wouldn't be surprised if he calls you tomorrow to say that it's not working out.

[ChloeGirl]

Damn. That was a hard read. I hope you're wrong. I have helped him a lot and you dont think he will take all of that into consideration?

[smackie9]

Helping someone out doesn't entitle you to anything, not even tolerance towards your jealous behavior. You need to make some serious changes if you want this to work.

[ChloeGirl]

You're right. I hope he talks to me. I really think he will but I am worried that he is worried about getting into a relationship with me. I just felt that after all we have been through, He shouldn't categorize me with other female "friends". We are way closer then that. Do you think he was upset that I didn't show up or he just didn't want to deal with me or both? I am going to make changes and stop treating him like he's done something wrong based off my past relationship. I really like him. I'm doing more then I ever done for any other guy. I'm a mess. I do need to make changes.

[michelle23]

All he meant was "its not a lads night out, girls are welcome". He wasnt saying "your just a friend" you completely over reacted abd ruined his bday. He wanted you there and i think you just blew it..

And what is with the stupid qs? How would you feel if i slept with someone else? Why not just say to him "i want us to be exxlusive" instead of testing him with all these mind games..

I really dont think your ready for a relationship. Your a mess and you dont trust him at all even though hes given you no reason not to. Youve got too much emotional baggage right now and youll drive any guy crazy with your jealousy. Deal with your issues before getting into a relationship.

And no dont turn up at his house. He obviously doesnt want to talk to you and youll just look like a psycho.

Text him, apologize for being crazy and say youd like to talk if hes interested but if hes not you understand... and then dont try to contact him again unless he contacts you

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[ChloeGirl]

I'm calling him early in the morning and if he doesn't answer then I'll just call from another phone. He puts a lot of pressure on me to. He says sly things to me all the time and when I get in my moods, then he completely ignores me.

[smackie9]

Wow now that is completely unhealthy.......

[michelle23]

Clingly, needy, desperate, insecure, jealous, drama.. please see a therapist and dont contact him

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[ChloeGirl]

Wow now that is completely unhealthy.......

What is? If you don't mind me asking.

[ChloeGirl]

Clingly, needy, desperate, insecure, jealous, drama.. please see a therapist and dont contact him

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It's not that. I just really like him and I know we can get past this.

[michelle23]

Calling him non-stop.

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[michelle23]

It's not that. I just really like him and I know we can get past this.

It is that. You sound like worst nightmare gf. Im not saying your a bad person but you have some issues you need to work on. You remind me of my cousin and shes a whopping mess right now

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[ChloeGirl]

He gets sarcastic with me when I don't answer. For the past holiday, my phone died while I was speaking with him. He said real smart that he was getting tired of my phone dying while I was speaking with him as if I was doing it on purpose. If he text me and I don't answer immediately then he'll send me a bunch of question marks. I just assumed we were better then this setback we had.

This isn't his first time ignoring me. Whenever he feels like I'm getting on bis nerves, he ignores me for a day or so. I miss him. You're not understanding. I wanted him all to myself that night.

[ChloeGirl]

I wouldn't have cared if it was my friends that night as far as girls but I didn't want his female friends all in his face all night.