Wife and me Ma - I could really do with some advice..

[SkaDad]

So, I met my now wife one night 6 months later we find out she is pregnant. We have the first meeting with my family - so far so good. We pop out the pictures of the scan me Ma is all aw look, its amazing, how wonderful etc etc. then she goes, jokingly "look at the size of the head!". Now she was clearly (well to me anyway) joking. The day carried on fine then on the way back in the car the wife let loose. Calling my mother dreadful names. I was taken aback and may have become a little defensive trying to explain that there was no offence meant and she was making a mountain out of a mole hill but it seems the damage was done. This has set the theme ever since. It hasnt just been me Ma though. At my daughters christening my brother went to take her from the wife for a cuddle - again, no one noticed anything wrong - then when folk had left - there was war! She made me ring my brother and tell him never to "grab" my daughter away from her again. My brother adores my daughter. Then there is my niece (6 yrs old at the time). She will not be in the same room as her. She thinks shes "a brat" and uses her possibly being present as a reason not to do a visit to my family. In minor ways my other brother and sister have not escaped but not worth mentioning.

This is all coming to a head now because of a throwaway comment my mother made yesterday that resulted in the wife ringing her and 'discussing' it. Suffice to say it didnt end in a phone hug! Now the plan for this year to go to mine for xmas has become we dont go there for xmas at all but I can visit them xmas evening (about an hour drive away) then we all go up to hers the next day. This means my daugter doesnt get to see her grandparents on xmas but even worse her cousins are over for xmas which has never happened before so everyone was looking forward to this.

I want to be fair but what can I do? This is doing my head in - I hope someone reads this and helps....

[michelle23]

Is your wife nice to other people? Nice to you?

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[SkaDad]

For the most part yes - but if she feels shes been wronged she won't hold back. I can think of quite a few situations. The most recent just this morning when she came home after having a shouting match with the bus driver. Now the bust drivers can be ass**les but most people will just tut and walk away...

[DalM0m]

Your wife sounds a little nutty. She needs to learn to reign in those emotions or you are in for a long haul. In the meantime, make your family understand that she is the overly sensitive sort & they to treat her with kid gloves.

[michelle23]

Well this isnt healthy and isnt fair on you. My uncles partner is a very fiery person-she doesnt hold back on most things but shes never fallen out with the family. Shes bitten her tongue numerous times and didnt give in to the argument with my grandmother who can be difficult.

Your wife is out of order here. Most people find the inlaws difficult to deal with ocassionally but that doesnt justify going to war with them.

You need to tell her-these people are family and whilst they may disagree on some things or even piss her off occasionally-she needs to learn to bite her tongue coz its unfair to you.

Tell her you will not tolerate any more of this behaviour and she needs to calm down. If she cannot control herself-ask her to see a counsellor.

My other uncles wife can be a complete cow at times. Shes caused untold trouble within the family but we forgave her and let it go coz we think she may have had post natal depression during that time.

There was one occasion the day after their wedding where one of her friends bf insulted my mum. My dad was v annoyed and expected an apology as my mum was upset. The uncles wife got stuck in, stuck up for him, had an argument with my aunt which resulted in half the family leaving. My uncle put his foot down for the first time and told his new wife to stop it, that shes stuck in something thats none of her f**king business and just made a bad situation worse... and guess what? She backed down and shut up. It was prob the first time he ever raised his voice to her and it worked

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[BackUpOrGetStng]

Your wife sounds like a crazy bitch. I bet she would flip her shit on you royally if she knew you came here to ask for advice. What do you think she would say?

[Starnique]

Women are emotional when their pregnant and sometimes they blow things out of proportion. Everything offends them, especially when it comes to their baby. They are moody and bitchy sometimes. That's just the way it is. I dont really like being in the company of pregnant women. Not all, some are pleasant and their attitudes and prove when their pregnant. They do get moody though and over the top. Some. I have been around enough to know that they are nuts. People are different while pregnant. However she still needs to work on her self control. Just because she's pregnant doesnt give her free reign to treat people any kind of way and she needs to know that.

Now with that being said, how did your wife act prior to getting pregnant? That will tell you if this is a temporary thing or if she is just cra cra. If she was always this nutty, then you are idiot for getting involved with her and that bad attitude and then knocking her up. Sorry but it is what is.

[SkaDad]

To the gobshite calling my missus a crazy bitch and nutty - very helpful thank you, I will contact my local shrink and use your terminology to help with diagnosis and possible treatment.

To the more informed, intelligent replies - you know who you are - Some very valid points - pretty much what I was thinking and its reassuring to read. We have had it out and got no where but I will try again. She wants me to ask me Ma to apologise to her - I said I'd talk to her for the peace sake but she had nothing to apologise for.

She is pregnant and it is definitely worse because of it I think.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just take my advice for treatment. Whack that nutter in the back of the cranium with a shovel. Problem solved.

[SkaDad]

Is there no redneck filter on this forum?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You had a shotgun wedding to cover up the fact you knocked this crazy bitch up(twice), and now her and your mom are at each others throats constantly. You honestly could get on Jerry Springer(ultimate redneck heaven), not exaggerating even a little bit...and you are calling ME a redneck?!?! BAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

Jerry Springer really could help your family out.

[HeartIsAching]

Is there no redneck filter on this forum?

No, thank god. Else I wouldn't be allowed in.

[michelle23]

i think you need to refuse. Tell her no you will not tell your mum to apologize as you feel your wife started this and you feel she blows things out of proportion regularly. Tell her you love her but her fiery nature is OTT at times and your fed up with it. You need to be honest-communicate.

You can say it whatever way you want but it needs to be said.


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[DalM0m]

To the gobshite calling my missus a crazy bitch and nutty - very helpful thank you, I will contact my local shrink and use your terminology to help with diagnosis and possible treatment.

I was trying to be polite but since you took the gloves off by calling me a gobshite -- whatever that is -- You wife is RUDE.

You want clinical terms you can discuss with your local shrink, good. Heaven knows your wife needs one. It sounds to me like she has a condition called Borderline Personality Disorder. It means that the bond she should have formed with her own parents got screwed up somehow & now she has trouble relating to people in a normal way. People with BPD make mountains out of molehills. Your mother made one unfortunate comment & now this nasty piece of work you call a wife is calling your mother names & setting a hostile tone from there on out. For her to cry & scream that your brother grabbed your daughter out of her arms when he did no such thing makes her a histrionic drama queen. The fact that this grown woman hold a grudge against a 6 year old child is ludicrous. It also screams BPD -- they thrive on chaos & think everyone around them is inherently bad & out to get them. They also don't like it when they aren't the center of attention, even if it's negative attention.

I'd dote on your daughter as much as possible because in a few years she is going to be the victim of a broken home. At some point this nasty woman with no redeeming social niceties will finally drives everyone out of your life because your family will cut you off once they can't take her nonsense anymore, maybe then you will wake up & realize that me calling her a little nutty was hardly the insult you claim it to be.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

DalM0m pretty much covered it. Kill this bitch with a shovel, and then use it to bury her in the back yard. The world will rejoice.