I haven't done this in a while,

I haven't used a forum to let out some emotional conflict that has really been bothering me. I have been enjoying the company of my beautiful girlfriend and my just as beautiful friends while working hard to build a solid future for myself. I am 28 years old, I am going to be 29 and I can't believe how close to 30 I am...

I have some friends with beautiful kids who I get to be around all the time. Just decorated the tree last night with them while watching Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer (1964) and it got me thinking about how my dad played that every Christmas for me and how he is gone but I love how I feel him living through the movie as the kids are glued to the tv like I was.

I am so lucky that for Christmas I get to spend time with my brothers and sisters and am very excited for it as much as I am stressed out I need to make enough money to pay for what I can, not because I have to but because I really want to. No matter how much money I have it will be a merry christmas

I have been looking around at my friends (some of whom are on their third kid!) and I still have no idea if I want kids. I love them but with the world as crazy as it is I just don't know how that even makes sense right now. My girlfriend wants kids for sure but I do not feel any real pressure yet so there are no worries around that department and we both know how each other feels.

I feel like I could save the world. I have so much energy, and I spend it on trying to learn more and more about computers. I feel like networking is an amazing thing and connecting the world together brings us one step closer to seeing this place as one planet instead of countries hating each other and all that. I hate politics I feel like it's all just a show making everything look as good as possible. I love the idea of going to another country and volunteering my time to help some people out but even then I could never help everyone... is that vain? Honestly I come from a family of 7 brothers and 2 sisters so I want to help them first.

I know I am still young and probably will volunteer overseas in the not so distant future but I haven't figured out for what yet. I volunteer in my hometown of course and find that helping others when I have so much energy like I do comes easy.

I was hit by a car some 5 years ago and it really made me appreciate life. I am so thankful for everyone I have around me. I really wish the best for everyone around me and everyone looks at me like I am an alien. I am so honest and loving I could make Barney the dinosaur want to punch me. Matter of fact I have been lucky enough to have great friends to stand up for me when someone gets offended with my kindness... yes it happened, I think everyone expects you to want something in return no matter what, but I can't be the only one.

As I move forward in this life I know its important to share how you feel with the people around you. I think around here people need to feel like people are around here a little more then most places and so it's good to come by to give advice, maybe bitch a little, and more importantly just read.

We all go through such different experiences that seem to be similar at the same time. Thank goodness for places like this and thanks for letting me just let out what I have been feeling as I feel xmas coming closer.

This in the end was written to just remind everyone to tell the people we love that we love them. Everyday is a blessing and life is short. Don't be afraid to fight for what you love and don't let peoples fear of love make you feel like your love is insignificant. There is a lot of love out there it just takes a lot of love to bring it out haha.

Whew, if you actually read all the way to here, thanks!

And whether you did or not I still love you Have a merry christmas and spread that love everyone!