The love of my life left me

[emn]

The love of my life has left me, its only been a month but my life is in turmoil. She was my everything. We had been together 3 and a half years and she is my first and only love. But it isn't some sort of puppy love thing, i didn't meet her until I was 21, I had dated girls before her, but she is the only one I have ever loved, she is the only person on this earth I have ever felt fully comfortable around. She was the best friend I ever had, I still count her as my best friend, I always will, and she has barely talked to me since she broke up with me. We have had problems in the past with trust. I had trust issues because of mistakes she made in the past. We have lived together for the past year, and as far as I know, we were both happy, up until the last month of our relationship. At that time I lost my job, it made me feel inadequate and I became paranoid that she thought I wasn't good enough for her. It brought out the jealousy I tried to deal with before, and it was the last straw for her. When she left me she told me her feelings for me had changed, she didn't love me any more and never wanted to be with me again. It destroyed me. We ended up living together because she had to move to study and she asked me to move with her. I gave up my whole life in my hometown for her. I'm back living with my parents now, no job, lost most contact with my friends, and I have no motivation to rebuild my life. She was my life, it all seems so pointless without her. I can't help but be mad that she didn't give me a chance to work on what we had. She met someone new three days after we broke up, I was going to stay in our place to beg and try and find a way to make it work with us, but she avoided coming back to our place when I was there, and stayed with the new guy. I moved out so that she wouldn't have to avoid the house, and she needed to be there for university, where as I was out of work and only moved there for her. I promised to help with bills still and send money to her. It only right as they were my bills too. She has completely given up on me, so she must not love me anymore and I just can't bear it. I'm mostly angry with myself. She had her problems, and let me down in the past, as I did to her, but she did her best to make it up to me, and tried her hardest for most of our relationship to make me happy. She was always there for me when I needed her. She was my rock. That is something a girl would usually say about a guy, but I have no shame in saying she was mine. I never looked for love in the past, but knew when I met her that she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted to give her the wedding she always deserved, have a family that I never dreamed of until I met her, I wanted to grow old with her. Before I met her, I never got emotional about anything, I took every day as it came to me, I wasn't unhappy, but I had no desire to better myself. I had no fear, but no ambition. I was looking out for number 1, which was myself and never thought it would be any different. When she walked into my life all that changed. She had been hurt in the past and I never wanted anything or anyone to hurt her again. Perhaps I became overprotective, and that turned into jealousy. I was never controlling of her, but I judged her mistakes, when I should have accepted that she had already learned from them, she didn't need me to protect her from things that had already happened in her life.

She is out of my life now, I kiss her picture goodnight every night, and pray that she will somehow rediscover her love for me, and if not, at least that she is in my dreams. I probably don't need the prayers to keep her in my dreams, but I still pray in case she disappears from them too. My life is so empty without her. I'm just a shell of a man. There is no solution to this problem, I just needed somewhere to go, somewhere to share my pain. I love her, and can't share that love with her anymore. I'm at my lowest, and can't help but feel sorry for myself, but I know I was so lucky to have someone come into my life and shine a light so bright, a light that I never comprehended to be possible. I'm in darkness now, but I try to be happy in knowing that light is still shining bright, even if it not for me anymore. I don't think she will ever have me back, she knew my trust issues, and if she had any love for me she wouldn't have moved on to someone else so quick, but I love her unconditionally. It may have been the only way for me to see the important things in life, and not to dwell on the past. I learned that now, and I'm grateful, even if it wasn't her motive to teach me this lesson. I hope someday I can wake up and find the will to live, to better myself, to find a purpose in life. My purpose in life has been to make her happy from the day I fell in love with her, and still is. But if she doesn't need me I will waste away into nothing waiting. I'm no good to her the way I am now, I just hope I can live with pride and be her knight in shining armor in case she ever needs me. She will always have my heart, but my soul mate no longer wants my soul, so I'll have to find a purpose in life, and make my soul strong, so that if she ever in trouble, and I get the call, I'll be up to the job.

Anyone who reads this may think I'm just an immature man not used to heartbreak, but I have to believe that what I feel is not the same to what everyone else says they feel, or have felt. I had something special, and for me to wake up and think that what I found with her is no different to any other love story is the most depressing thought of all. When I found her I found something special, and I would rather live a life of heartbreak than to lose the feeling I have for her.Attachment 2097Attachment 2098Attachment 2099Attachment 2100Attachment 2101

[smiling100]

So sorry to hear this EMN

It's only a month so you are still in the early stages of heartbreak.

Trust me I thought i'd never get over my first love but I DID! You will too!

I'm currently going through heartbreak for about the 5th time in my life & i've got the same feeling as you that I won't get over this (It's been 3 weeks since the breakup for me).

I have to keep telling myself things will get better.

Firstly to move on you need to go NO CONTACT & delete / throw away any memories / photographs of the both of you. There is NO WAY I am going to look at pics of my ex in the good times. NO WAY it would be torture to me. Thinking about the good times is bad enough. Please don't do this to yourself.

I've thrown away everything she bought me clothes/gifts etc. Anything that can trigger memories of when times were good. You need to do this for YOU not hold on to the past. Yes I know it's easy to say & it's the last thing you want to do but you have to if you want to progress.

I am no where near recovery though this has helped me since my breakup. Hopefully it can help you as well

Good luck

www.breakuprecoveryguide.com


These are things I keep reminding myself.

"Working through the reality of this loss means entering into an uncomfortable experience of withdrawal. Mourning the loss of this entity that you helped create is also the beginning of letting go, not because you want to because you have to. It starts to feel lighter & the withdrawal ultimately subsides"

"Have acceptance that you are going through a hard time & let it exist. This is not permanent & the more you let yourself feel the sooner you'll start to feel better. It will pass"

"You accept you cannot fix this situation. She does not want to be with you. This is all temporary & means you can move on"

[searock]

If she had been the love of your life, you two would still be together, seeing as you're both still alive and healthy.

[pcmaster]

Well you are right it was special your feelings was unique and no one ever felt the way you did. Every heart is original and so are the feelings.
You might be in the stage when you dont wana hear that there is other girls on this planet and its possible to fell in love and feel even more happy(its possible only if you love yourself as much as before).

The bare truth regardless all the negative emotions is that pain is temporary. You know you been hight when you feeling low. And you are not fully developed person if you cant be happy on your own. Being on your way to goals, folowing dreams and being social able to be friendly with everyone talk and love the people. That makes person sufficient. Once you are happy you can make that special person happy too. Being needy and sad when alone is the oposite requirements for health relationship.

Time will pass and you will realise that she was the best girl in the world. But it was very tiny world who didnt had much girls in it. There was just this one girls who was everything because of the value given to her. She was only so importand as importand you made her. You are the author of your life. Life is a movie and you decide cry or laught, scream or be quiet.
The truth is you couldnt write scenario for this girl, at least not for all of her life. She didnt had what you need anyway. Not anymore. Shes not together with you at your worst and dont deserve you at your best. Once you will be ready to give and recieve love to other girls too. Once you will believe its possible to go crazy for another person and be happy than ever before.

This guide could open your eyes

http://loveforum.net/threads/85672-G...l-with-breakup

[Exeter19]

if good things came from the relationship then not all was lost, if you grew from it and so did she. everyone says to people in these situations ' time heals' but really it doesn't if you truly loved another with all you had, you can eventually move on but i feel the tinge of pain always remains like a what if that is constantly nagging at you. try to find a social activity or hobby, even a sport to distract you for next few months.

[Dr-Love]

im sorry but it seems to me she was taking advantage of you. maybe she loved you maybe she didnt but her actions suggest the latter. not only did she leave after you lost your job but she knew about your trust issues early on the relationship so why break up with you now because of it? see what im saying? also you said you helped paid the bills which makes me believe even more she just wanted to use you. but the biggest reason is the fact she found a new guy 3 days after you guys broke up.. after 3 years of being together ...i can tell you really love her but its best you move on trust me . ive been there. my advice is get active to take your mind off of her.. be it sports/hobby/new job and if you really really need it go see a counsellor(theres no shame in trying to take back control of your life)

[iloveyoukaola]

When a good thing left you, another good thing will come, for sure

[michelle23]

She wasnt the love of your life.. trust issues, jealousy, insecurity plus break up shows that you two were not really meant to be. I know it hurts and its hard but you need to have no contact with her. Thats the only way you will heal and move on

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