Just found out my boyfriend has a live in girlfriend, two kids and now I'm pregnant!

[Fjortis]

It is likely she doesn't even know about the girl, trust me I know one of my relatives was doing that, and his g.f. didn't even know he was married for 3 years and neither did the wife, he was dating this girl then found his future wife, married, they had a kid and he kept dating that girl and none of them knew of each other!) , I would make everyone involved face what's going on and not let them comfortably pretend like nothing is happening.. and yes, because obviously this girl feels bad, maybe it would help to that way at least feel a bit better about herself, it is not her fault..

[Wakeup]

That's where you are wrong. You perpetuate her victimhood when she knew that he wasn't single but chose to believe his lies because it made it easier to be less hard on her own conscience. She is just as much to blame for this as he is. She is the one that didn't get the morning after pill when the condom broke, she is the one that chose to ignore her own gut when she KNEW that something wasn't right, she is the one that listened to his lies when she knew in her gut that they were just that ~ lies.

Stop perpetuating victimhood here when she is no victim. Once she started to question him she knew within that he wasn't who he said he was. If she listens to you and takes on the role of "victim" then she is likely never going to learn from her own mistakes.

Yes, he is a piece of garbage for not fully disclosing his status with her. She however volunteered for that role when she ignored her own intuition in order to continue on with him.

Getting vendictive doesn't help anyone... particularily not her. Telling is her perogative but it won't help her in any way at all... so don't state it like it will.

[Fjortis]

That's the thing "in her gut". It is not her fault that she is not a mind-reader bc She didn't KNOW anything, there was no way to Know: the guy who dates her for so long, so frequently, who introduced her to all his friends and co-workers! ...had a girlfriend and kids! That relative I was talking about at least date his g.f. secretly without introducing his friends co-workers because he kept it secret from them just like from his wife). The situation with the guy in the thread is just incredible... It can happen to anyone, so many girls find themselves in this situation where they date a guy who says he is single and makes sure as much as he can that neither her nor the wife find out about one another. And it's the fault of the guy only, that he is a lier, and not the girl that she does not happen to be a mind-reader.. she just genuinely loved and trusted him, that's all, and in this situation it didn't play out well for her, but it is not something she deservs to be blamed for..

[Fjortis]

I read the first post again.
So even after she found out and told him about his other g.f. and kids and he admitted everything, he still tells her he wants to stay with her.
Definitely tell him about the pregnancy as soon as possible, it is a very serious matter, not only because it concerns the life of an unborn kid, but because of your health too.
You can't just do it because you feel bad right now, and because you Think he Might do this or that.
Tell him and see what his Actual reaction is first, then it will at least be more about facts and not about guessing..
And who knows, there is always a chance that everything will play out well more or less.

After all, people fall out of love and find they are not right for each other, even after they have kids.
Maybe he IS serious about being with you and only lives with her because she makes him feel obliged to because of her kids.. or something else like that.. He never proposed to her and married her.
Maybe this kid you have will be this push that he needed to leave this woman he never loved..
For now just tell him and see what his reaction is.

[Wakeup]

The bottomline is when a man will not have you to his house then your sixth sense will kick in and you will feel the angst. You will then ask why you haven't been to his house. Then, if you're smart if after asking why he won't have you to his house, he STILL doesn't have you to his house, then he is trying to hide SOMETHING from you. That is a huge red flag. She ignored this huge red flag and should have left him then if he wouldn't bring her into his own world. Being introduced to friends that may also cheat and cover for one another means sweet fk all. Co-workers may not know of his live in gf for all she knows.

You are as naive as the Op is if you continue to go out with a guy that hasn't taken you to his home. If you're having sex with him then you should know him in his turf and your own. If he's keeping you from his turf then he's hiding something, if he's hiding something then you need to get away from him because chances are high that he's not being genuine with you... as the Op has figured out.

She should forgive herself for not listening to her gut. THAT is how she will get over this.

I reiterate, he's scum.. she was just naive and dumb. As you will be if you ignore red flags and continue on with someone who is plainly showing you that he's hiding something from you.\\Why would anyone want a daily reminder of how some man hood-winked them? Why would you ever want anything else to do with them? How would you ever trust them when they were out of your company? Stupid is as stupid does.

[Fjortis]

The bottomline is when a man will not have you to his house then your sixth sense will kick in and you will feel the angst. You will then ask why you haven't been to his house. Then, if you're smart if after asking why he won't have you to his house, he STILL doesn't have you to his house, then he is trying to hide SOMETHING from you. That is a huge red flag. She ignored this huge red flag and should have left him then if he wouldn't bring her into his own world. Being introduced to friends that may also cheat and cover for one another means sweet fk all. Co-workers may not know of his live in gf for all she knows.

You are as naive as the Op is if you continue to go out with a guy that hasn't taken you to his home. If you're having sex with him then you should know him in his turf and your own. If he's keeping you from his turf then he's hiding something, if he's hiding something then you need to get away from him because chances are high that he's not being genuine with you... as the Op has figured out.

She should forgive herself for not listening to her gut. THAT is how she will get over this.

I reiterate, he's scum.. she was just naive and dumb. As you will be if you ignore red flags and continue on with someone who is plainly showing you that he's hiding something from you.

What if, as I posted above, he really does not love or has anything in common with that woman and the only reason he continues to live in the same apartment is because he ties him with the kids that she had from him. Maybe she got pregnant to keep him, and then had the second kid to make sure he is hooked properly.. He never proposed to her or married her even after she got pregnant.. What if that kid of the girl he says he loves will be the push that he needs to get out of this unhealthy "relationship".. He can still take care of those two kids he already has.. just not live with that woman..
I am not saying what I described is the case necessarily or that it is likely even, but before making such a serious step as abortion one has to make sure..

[Fjortis]

The bottomline is when a man will not have you to his house then your sixth sense will kick in and you will feel the angst. You will then ask why you haven't been to his house. Then, if you're smart if after asking why he won't have you to his house, he STILL doesn't have you to his house, then he is trying to hide SOMETHING from you.

Also, not concerning the case with this girl in particular, some men have enough money to rent an apartment and invite the girl ( or more than one girl, one after another) as though this is where they live. For instance, I have my own thread in this section here somewhere at the top too, where I met a guy from a different city. I met him on a dating site, He is a doctor around 30. I'm thinking of visiting him, So he may be single and everything may play out well, but there is always a possibility too that he is married and just renting that apartment, and if necessary may later even stay there overnight telling his wife that he has a night shift.. Sometimes it is very hard to tell.. You can't, and are not supposed to, spy on someone 24-7... If you do spy of them you're nuts, if you don't they may always do something with someone else, if They Choose to.. Sometimes all you can do is make sure not to ignore the obvious red-flags, but other than that just hope for the best..

[Fjortis]

sorry I erased this post. I meant to post this response in my own thread

[Rowen]

Abortion. Then educate yourself about contraception, especially the morning after pill.

But those can cost money... OP, take a tumble down the stairs.

[Fjortis]

People turn pretty cruel when on the internet.

[Wakeup]

Also, not concerning the case with this girl in particular, some men have enough money to rent an apartment and invite the girl ( or more than one girl, one after another) as though this is where they live. For instance, I have my own thread in this section here somewhere at the top too, where I met a guy from a different city. I met him on a dating site, He is a doctor around 30. I'm thinking of visiting him, So he may be single and everything may play out well, but there is always a possibility too that he is married and just renting that apartment, and if necessary may later even stay there overnight telling his wife that he has a night shift.. Sometimes it is very hard to tell.. You can't, and are not supposed to, spy on someone 24-7... If you do spy of them you're nuts, if you don't they may always do something with someone else, if They Choose to.. Sometimes all you can do is make sure not to ignore the obvious red-flags, but other than that just hope for the best..

None of this happened to the Op so why your are even bringing it up is a wonder.

[Wakeup]

What if, as I posted above, he really does not love or has anything in common with that woman and the only reason he continues to live in the same apartment is because he ties him with the kids that she had from him. Maybe she got pregnant to keep him, and then had the second kid to make sure he is hooked properly.. He never proposed to her or married her even after she got pregnant.. What if that kid of the girl he says he loves will be the push that he needs to get out of this unhealthy "relationship".. He can still take care of those two kids he already has.. just not live with that woman..
I am not saying what I described is the case necessarily or that it is likely even, but before making such a serious step as abortion one has to make sure..

Why would she even WANT to be with a man that would premeditatedly lie to her and cheat on the women he lives with? You really don't have any self-worth if you would even think that someone would want a man like that in their lives. If Op wants a man like that and wants to bear his child then I wonder about her own self-respect/worth as well.

You could NEVER trust a man to be monogamous that would do what this guy has done ~ NEVER.

[Fjortis]

Why would she even WANT to be with a man that would premeditatedly lie to her and cheat on the women he lives with? You really don't have any self-worth if you would even think that someone would want a man like that in their lives. If Op wants a man like that and wants to bear his child then I wonder about her own self-respect/worth as well.

You could NEVER trust a man to be monogamous that would do what this guy has done ~ NEVER.

I know, this is how it Should be, ideally.. but people are not ideal, and this situation is definitely not.. But I am not saying she should definitely keep the kid and try to get this man to live with her now, instead. But at least, telling the guy about the kid to see what's going on is clearly something that needs to be done before making such a serious decision as abortion. At least for the psychological wellbeing of the OP. Because later, years after girls make an abortion they usually begin to feel very sorry, "what if I kept the child", "what if everything could have turned out okay", at least, if his reaction is negative, she will KNOW with more certainty that it wouldn't be okay anyway..

[katie123]

The bottomline is when a man will not have you to his house then your sixth sense will kick in and you will feel the angst. You will then ask why you haven't been to his house. Then, if you're smart if after asking why he won't have you to his house, he STILL doesn't have you to his house, then he is trying to hide SOMETHING from you. That is a huge red flag. She ignored this huge red flag and should have left him then if he wouldn't bring her into his own world. Being introduced to friends that may also cheat and cover for one another means sweet fk all. Co-workers may not know of his live in gf for all she knows.

You are as naive as the Op is if you continue to go out with a guy that hasn't taken you to his home. If you're having sex with him then you should know him in his turf and your own. If he's keeping you from his turf then he's hiding something, if he's hiding something then you need to get away from him because chances are high that he's not being genuine with you... as the Op has figured out.

She should forgive herself for not listening to her gut. THAT is how she will get over this.

I reiterate, he's scum.. she was just naive and dumb. As you will be if you ignore red flags and continue on with someone who is plainly showing you that he's hiding something from you.\\Why would anyone want a daily reminder of how some man hood-winked them? Why would you ever want anything else to do with them? How would you ever trust them when they were out of your company? Stupid is as stupid does.

Thank you for your opinion on this. Just to clarify, I admit I was being a little naive and I honestly do feel stupid and embarrassed that I fell for all this. I am not by any means trying to victimize myself. I admitted that I had a bad feeling since I had not been to his apartment and that I should have listened to that more strongly. I didn't totally bury my head in the sand, I brought it up to him all the time! I just wanted to believe what he was telling me, and who am I to judge someone on their living situation? I honestly thought maybe he was embarrassed about something and wasn't ready to show me yet. Was that naive of me? Yes. Did I think he was hiding something? Yes. But I definitely did not think it was a woman and two kids. I didn't want to believe someone I was so close to was actually capable of that, and I don't think makes me stupid or "mentally disabled." I am human and I think everyone has probably made some errors in judgement because they wanted to give someone the benefit of the doubt. If he had presented himself to me as a man who was spoken for with two kids, then no way on this earth would I have continued talking to him after we met. When I met him he approached me and asked me out like any normal single guy would, and we started dating and it turned in to a relationship. I truly did not know any of this was going on at all.

Yes, I should have taken Plan B. I realize that too. Again, I don't consider myself a stupid person. I actually have a master's degree and am pretty successful in terms of my career and accomplishments. So yes, I should know better, and that's even more reason why I am so humiliated and embarrassed by this whole thing. I definitely know better and was raised better than this. I know that not taking Plan B is just as much my fault and I am not blaming him for that. If anything I am blaming myself too much for all of this when I should be more raging mad at him. Moving forward, I obviously have learned that I need to trust my instincts more and not let something go on for so long that I am even a little bit skeptical about. But even my close friends were shocked by this whole thing and never thought he was hiding another woman and kids. I think it is very easy to quickly judge someone without taking a moment to think about what it might be like from their perspective or how they could have gotten in to a certain situation. Yes I am sure I must seem like the dumbest girl on the planet, and I would honestly probably think the same thing about someone else if I wasn't trying to understand the situation or how they got to this place. I think it is far easier however to quickly jump to conclusions about someone with judgement like "oh they're stupid" or "oh they're naive" rather actual trying to understand where they might be coming from.

[Fjortis]

And also depends how old she is. Maybe if she is 28-30, independent, able to support the child, she could have the kid even if the daddy proves to be the irresponsible selfish cheater that he seems to be from this short description..