Relationship Woes, Just needed to get it out there

[yeahyeahyeah1]

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. My problems began a few months into the relationship…

She alternates between fits of anger and anxiety with self deprecation and attention seeking self pity. For example flips out and throws a fit because she cant find her keys. Declares that this is the worst day ever and that her life is terrible and nothing goes right for her. Then a little while later seeks attention and validation, says that people don’t want to be around her. This occurs on a daily basis. She goes into fits about the tiniest things, there is no way to prepare for it. A towel, her hair not falling the right way, ice on the ground. Simple things. Just about everything really. She slams doors, throws things, yells. I sometimes wish that she would just hit me so I would have a concrete excuse to leave. I used to live in constant fear but now that fear has turned to anger and lately ambivalence.

She picks fights, is constantly grumpy. Honestly it is like trying to please a teenager. No, she doesn’t want that for dinner. No she doesn’t want all of the dozen other options you gave her. She picks fights with me, criticizes me to no end. Most of the time I just try to sit there and take it because standing up for myself is just not worth the inevitable storm She invents problems and conflicts with coworkers and just about everyone in her life. Most of the time she is lying, really embellishing situations and conversations with people. She invents conversations that we had! She takes her anger out on strangers and has started to become really racist and hateful towards the world.

I do all of the cooking, cleaning, I walk and feed her dog every night. And I don’t even want a dog! I do these things because they are too daunting for her, and really I don’t want to “feed the beast” any more. It is just easiest if I do everything. She has pushed me to my limit and is just all around emotionally exhausting. When she can sense that I have had enough, she turns on the pity party, says how sad and stressed she is (well duh) and even if she makes me frustrated with her constant iness and bad attitude, I don’t even have the opportunity to be upset (which I rightfully should be) because I am comforting and reassuring her. No dear don’t cry you are wonderful.

And yet I stay. I am the fool for staying. Aside from her I like my life. I like her family. I like everything except her. I know that I should leave, though I am not ready to let go of my life as I know it. My family isn’t close by and I don’t have any friends to confide in, just a few casual work acquaintances. We haven’t had sex in months and quite frankly I don’t want to. I’ve seen such an ugly side of her for so long that its just made her unattractive. I don’t trust her with my feelings at all and our relationship is very one sided in terms of emotional support. So here I am, writing it down for the first time ever.

And yet, I almost feel guilty for divulging this. I like to think of myself as a kind and warm person, whom would never say a bad thing about anyone, especially the person I still somehow, foolishly love for some reason. Perhaps it is my own issues keeping me there…the need to take care of someone or just low self esteem. I used to be very happy and most of the time I am when she is not around. I keep a secret stash of cigarettes for the really bad days and the other times just eat my feelings. I have gained 20 lbs since we have been together.

Thank you for reading my novel, it feels nice to get this out. Plenty more where that came from…

[basilandthyme]

Oh dear - sorry to hear you're tolerating this shit. Get yourself into counselling pronto

[oxytocinbite]

You can't save this woman or change her, she is emotionally abusive and needs to get herself help and she probably never will because she feels like she is not doing anything wrong and even if she did she knows you let her shit on you.

Leave this women, sometimes it's good to try but not in this situation. You already said it, you are being a fool. You continue to let her do all of these things and you act like you can just take it. I am sure your life will be 100 percent better if you leave this woman.

Start over and work on yourself, you need to respect and love the person you are because right now you don't. I was in a similar situation and yes I felt guilt tripped for a long time but you will get over it and man up.

[searock]

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. My problems began a few months into the relationship…

She alternates between fits of anger and anxiety with self deprecation and attention seeking self pity.

I didn't even bother reading the whole post, these three sentences sufficed.

Why the hell are you still together with this girl?

[michelle23]

You are co-dependent. Look it up, research it and find help for it. You stay out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of change, fear of the future, fear of not having support, fear of what she will do when you leave.. you need to face your fears. Honestly anything is better then living with this abusive bully.

can you not just go home to your family, start again, get counselling, work on your self esteem, heal and eventually set your standards higher and meet someone better. Only you have the power to change your life and this bitch is destroying you-but worse you are letting her.

Does she work? If yes, leave when she is at work. Pack up your stuff and go-ask someone for help if you need to like a family member. Tell them what has been going on and that you need to leave. They will want to help. Any abusive relationship has the capability of turning violent in an instant and dont underestimate her just coz she is a woman-an angry woman is capable of a lot! So it is really best to just disappear when shes not home unless you want ashtrays thrown at your head

she is a bully and you don't know what shes capable of

[smackie9]

I have one word for you ....depression. She needs to seek out medical help.

[AnErin]

Wow, so YOU are the one who is now with my ex. I bet she has some stories about me. Does she say "I hate this state, I hate this traffic, I hate my job, I hate my boss, I hate my life, I hate my car..."

The solution is clear. Get rid of her ass. I mean this is not a case of "She is perfect except", no, this is a case of "She has the mentality of a three year old and needs to be kicked to the curb."

Maybe you are worried that you will miss her? Well let me say, the first morning you wake up to peace and quiet, ALL your regrets for dumping her will vanish. You will feel like you have been issued a brand new life. You will smell the "Just came out of the package" good smell kind of like a new electronic gadget or favorite food.

[TablesandChairs]

Maybe she has her reasons - maybe bi-polar, maybe this, maybe that...but really, she's probably just a mean, moody bitch and you enable her because, essentially, you're scared.

Women like this won't change until they come across someone who will not tolerate their bullshit for even a few minutes, let alone months or years. You're not that guy and she knows this. Your good nature is being exploited and she knows she's safe to say/do as she pleases because, in her warped mind, she thinks you'll never really leave.

So, do the unexpected. It's not worth it - being with someone like that can really sap the joy out you - negativity rubs off and sooner or later, the egg shells you're walking on will crack.

In your shoes, I would have suggested she get professional help straight away...but often, these people don't recognize that they have a problem so I don't like chances there.

[Starnique]

You need to put it to her like this, either change or you're leaving her. It's really that simple. I understand that after three years and if you really love somebody, it's hard to just up and leave like that unless their partner is just all get out crazy as hell, then that's different. However, you need to stop tolerating this bullshit. You love her, that's why you stay but this is how you know if she loves you back, if you tell someone that whatever their doing is hurting you or you don't like it and you see them making an effort to change and get help and get it right then they love you and care about your feelings. If she hasn't made no effort or refuses to change, leave her hateful ass because she don't care. It's really that simple.

[HeartIsAching]

Nah, he's totally fine. He can stick with it for as long as he needs to, she'll come around. No really, why not waste another decade? He's got such a long, long time to find the right woman.

[HeartIsAching]

I was being sarcastic... and not in response to you.

[Starnique]

Hmmm...okay, carry on. =)
Im not even on my period and it's still that time of the month. =)

[HeartIsAching]

Oh, may I?! Thank you ever so much.

[yeahyeahyeah1]

I am a woman btw, not sure if this changes things for you...

[searock]

I am a woman btw, not sure if this changes things for you...

Why would it change? You are in a "relationship" with a person that needs serious professional help and that is bringing you down with her. Your genders don't matter.