A little advice needed

[1averagejoe]

Well, it has been a long time since I have been on here but I seem to find myself in a bit of a conundrum.

So a little background. I have been going out with my girlfriend since September, and have been boyfriend/girlfriend for just over one month. We see each other two maybe three times a week because I work and she's in school so we usually hangout on the weekend or during the week after work.

So she has a friend that she says is one of her best guy friends because they get along so well, etc. He is the cousin of her best friend (girl) who she has been friends with since early high school. As for the guy she has been friends with him maybe ~6-7 months, she used to hangout with her cousin and knew him but never really talked much with him before that time. He's in his early 30's, she's 21, I'm 24. I haven't met him yet. She also hasn't had a boyfriend in 4 years, she's not a virgin; lost it to her only other boyfriend. She seems very innocent. It took us about two months before we even kissed, maybe 4 dates before we even held hands. We haven't slept together.

She's always going out with friends some of them guys and that doesn't really bother me at all. I have no problem with her having guy friends. But maybe three weeks ago she told me she hung out at his place they cooked dinner, baked, and watched a movie alone. Then yesterday she hung out at his house again alone and then went out to dinner with him. There could have been other times they hung out but I never really knew when she said she was with friends or a friend as I have only met a few and never bothered to ask. She sends me a text that night saying she wanted to see me after just for a goodnight kiss. I asked her what time and nothing too late as I have work the next day, she said around 9pm. She ended up not being able to make it because she was still eating and it took longer than she thought, at which point I was already in bed. She ended up getting home around 10pm.

I have not brought this up to her yet as I have learned to think things through long before opening my mouth.

So, this is how I see this situation. I personally don't think it's respectful for a girl to be hanging out alone with a guy friend when in a relationship. Especially late at night at his place, getting/making dinner, watching a movie alone. Then again maybe I am old fashion. She's reassured me a few times whenever she says that she is hanging out with guy friends in general that they're just friends and she would never see herself dating any of them. She has said in the past that a few of them wanted to be more than friends and they ended up stop talking, we actually ran into one of them at the bar. I think this is the reason she brings it up. I have not been with her as long as she has been friends with this guy. She says he knows about me and she even told him about me when we first started talking and asked him for advice. I feel like if I mention anything to her I will come off as insecure and jealous, I also feel like I have very little place to mention this because she has known him longer than me and says he's a good friend.

I am also a firm believer that about 99.9% of straight guys that hangs out with a girl like this obviously wants more than just friendship. I think she is naive about it, or on the rare occasion he may honestly just want to be a friend. I trust her, but I'm just not comfortable with the situation. I don't see her being the type to cheat, she seems very innocent, naive, and mentioned that her first boyfriend cheated on her and could never see herself doing that to someone. She definitely comes off as the "good girl." Of course you never really know someone. Regardless, I also believe that if someone is going to cheat they're going to cheat regardless of what you say or want them to do.

So how would you feel? What would you do?

[michelle23]

This would be a deal breaker for me and I would dump her. This guy will become an issue at some point. Right now she probably is telling the truth that she just sees him as a friend and nothing more.. but they are too close. A platonic friendship between men and women should NEVER get this close. They are acting like they are dating and she spends more time with him then with you.

What usually happens in these situations? You and she will be together for like 3-4 years-maybe more.. eventually your relationship will hit a rough patch as all relationships do. She will lean on him for emotional support and confide in him and then she will get confused.. an emotional affair will begin until she eventually dumps you for him.. then she will bounce back and forth like a yoyo in her confusion..

or you will be together ages, you will get engaged-he will realize that its now or never. He has to tell her how he feels and just as she is about to walk up the aisle he will spill his guts to her and tell her he loves her.. she will get confused.. yoyo again

there is no difference between you and him write now and if/when you start being intimate with her, the only difference will be sex..

its a deal breaker for me. I would never date a guy who has a close female friend and I agree with you. Men only get this close if they secretly want to be with her

[basilandthyme]

If you're uncomfortable with her hanging out with him, then tell her that you're uncomfortable. You're not being unreasonable at all. Hopefully, she'll look at her behaviour from a different viewpoint and stop doing 1:1 hanging out with him.

The tricky part is if she says that she's not going to stop hanging out with him alone. I'm sure you know it's not appropriate to demand she change her ways, so in this case, you'll have to make the stay or go decision

[BackUpOrGetStng]

This is not a conundrum at all. This is a clear cut case of you just being a pussy.

Dating for 4 months and barely kissed her? Dude, stop being such a chump. Just dump her ass.

[fearoflove]

She is doing this to make you jealous. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable and if she refuse to stop hanging out with him alone, dump her. It is disrespectful, don't you think?