Why are women this way?

[michelle23]

Ill add: another problem could be lack of affection and romance. Do you kiss her before you go to work and when you get home? Do you hug her/cuddle her just coz you feel like it, hold her hand while watching tv, call her from work just to say hello? When was the last time you took or on a date or a weekend away?

[cosquin]

Ill add: another problem could be lack of affection and romance. Do you kiss her before you go to work and when you get home? Do you hug her/cuddle her just coz you feel like it, hold her hand while watching tv, call her from work just to say hello? When was the last time you took or on a date or a weekend away?

Well, no surprise there are here many voices in defense of the women position, since all the participants in this thread are women LOL
Anyway, it is possible that I am not too romantic; but I'm the only one trying to spice a little our meetings. I have bought several toys and she always took this initiative with apathy. Either just barely use them or directly ignores them. Doesn't put even a little of her part to help me.

[basilandthyme]

Well, no surprise there are here many voices in defense of the women position, since all the participants in this thread are women LOL
Anyway, it is possible that I am not too romantic; but I'm the only one trying to spice a little our meetings. I have bought several toys and she always took this initiative with apathy. Either just barely use them or directly ignores them. Doesn't put even a little of her part to help me.

It's not about defending her. You asked a question and we're answering it for you.

Buying sex toys isn't going to achieve anything. She has to WANT to have sex with you before the sex toys will be appreciated. When's the last time you cooked her a meal? Or organised a nice outing? How do you contribute to the running of the household?

Tell me, if you were your wife, would you want to have sex with you? What parts of your personality would make her desire you?

[searock]

Searock, this is an acceptable time to say someone is applying a generalization to all women.

Or you could say it yourself without resorting to my name... males have more power in that when they speak up against sexism they get listened to more than women.

[searock]

cosquin, I agree with what other posters have told you: there likely are problems outside of the bedroom that make their way into the bedroom. I think one of the main issues is that you fail to connect with her on an emotional/intellectual level. Do you seriously think that buying sex toys is going to make her want you more? The best sex occurs when there is a deep emotional and intellectual connection between the partners (not necessarily love, what matters is the connection in the moment). If you don't have that kind of relationship, then sex is going to be lousy at best.

Handjobs/blowjobs count as sex, so it's quite silly to think that she would be willing to give them to you if she isn't willing to have sex.

[michelle23]

We are not defending her coz shes a woman. We are offering suggestions on how to fix your marriage. Sex is the last thing to go normally so you need to go back and fix other issues first. I recommend couples counselling. There is a breakdown of communication here and neither of you are willing to see things from the others perspective. You seem oblivious to other issues here and i dont get the impression you really understand women or your wife. Maybe she doesnt understand you either. But i can tell your on a downward spiral that is only gonna result in divorce so go and get help now. And dont make it all about sex. Dont tell her thats why you want counselling. Tell her you want to work on communication and mutual understanding so both your needs are met

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Or you could say it yourself without resorting to my name... males have more power in that when they speak up against sexism they get listened to more than women.

Where did I say anything about speaking up against sexism. I was pointing out an example of someone actually making a potentially harmful generalization, so you know what one looks like, and can hopefully tell the difference now. I'd like to avoid arguing for pages about the subject in the future.

What do you want me to do for women? My bosses are women...

This is America, there is no sexism here. Women are the privileged gender.

[Wakeup]

Well, no surprise there are here many voices in defense of the women position, since all the participants in this thread are women LOL
Anyway, it is possible that I am not too romantic; but I'm the only one trying to spice a little our meetings. I have bought several toys and she always took this initiative with apathy. Either just barely use them or directly ignores them. Doesn't put even a little of her part to help me.

You are clueless about women in general. Even if you break up with this one, you will also fail with the next one because of your own ignorance.

I suggest you buy some books on how to effectively seduce the opposite sex and how to connect on a more emotional and psychological level. Your lizard brain about sex isn't going to indear you to MOST women. You might luck out and find a BPD'er or a BPoler who is in a hyper-sexual state and be great in the bedroom but she'll make the rest of your life a ****ing hell so work on yourself and stop thinking that we don't defend you because your a man. Foolish thinking like that won't help you to grow in the least.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

And since when do handjobs count as sex? That is the biggest load of horseshit I have ever heard. I feel sorry for your boyfriend Searock.

[Starnique]

You are clueless about women in general. Even if you break up with this one, you will also fail with the next one because of your own ignorance.

I suggest you buy some books on how to effectively seduce the opposite sex and how to connect on a more emotional and psychological level. Your lizard brain about sex isn't going to indear you to MOST women. You might luck out and find a BPD'er or a BPoler who is in a hyper-sexual state and be great in the bedroom but she'll make the rest of your life a ****ing hell so work on yourself and stop thinking that we don't defend you because your a man. Foolish thinking like that won't help you to grow in the least.

This is true. Funny but great advice.

I know for me to be sexually into someone, he has to get in my head. Make love to and stimulate my mind. If I don't feel that mental connection or some sort of emotion, then I can't sleep with a guy. I have to like him. It's always been that way for me. He has to appeal not only to my body but my mind also.
I like intelligent, confident guys that know how to get it. Personality. Total attraction to everything kinda thing.

If you effectively seduced her on a psychological level as advised, you could get whatever you want out of her.

Shit, even if a man treats a girl bad but he's in her head and be tapping her out real good, she'll bend over backwards for him. I've seen it. But don't treat her bad. I was just making a point.

[michelle23]

Well my bf gets it regularly and its coz hes emotionally intelligent, receptive to my emotional needs, very affectionate, makes me laugh a LOT and flirts with me all the time. He also compliments me regularly calling me sexy/beautiful/hot. He makes me feel good about myself. If im in a mood-he will make me smile. He kisses me every morning before going to work, calls during the day and always says hows my darling wife (even though were not married but it makes me laugh). I could go on and on but I think you get the point. The reason we still have an awesome sex life after 5 years is coz were both head over heels in love and both know how to show it. Plus all our flirting and compliments builds up sexual tension and were always hot for each other. We both also make an effort with our appearance and want to look good for each other.

Not saying were perfect, bragging or trying to rub it in. Just giving an example. Hope it helps

[searock]

I was pointing out an example of someone actually making a potentially harmful generalization, so you know what one looks like, and can hopefully tell the difference now.

Dude just get over it. I already explained countless times. You don't agree, that's ok. Just get over it.

[searock]

And since when do handjobs count as sex? That is the biggest load of horseshit I have ever heard. I feel sorry for your boyfriend Searock.

I obviously mean that they count as sexual activity. She doesn't want to do sexual activities with him, so asking for handjobs is not going to solve the problem.

Please stop attacking me personally.

[michelle23]

Hjs do count as sexual contact lol.

[cosquin]

Hjs do count as sexual contact lol.

Well... that depends on how involved she is when perform this activity.
Once I came across a post by a woman, admitting that she read a book while is giving a hj to her husband. She asked council because it seems that the guy, seeing that she reads, decided to watch pictures of naked women while receiving.
I imagine the picture... she reading, he watching women pics... funny. Dramatically funny.