Please can someone give me some advice

[Maizy]

He is trying to change. Christmas is next week. His eldest is 18 next month. They can't afford to live here on their own

[Maizy]

And I do love him

[searock]

Then why did you ask for advice? You already know what you are going to do.

[michelle23]

Maybe leaving is not the best option right now. Your married so U can understand your resistance to just go. However, I do feel you dont know your own mind right now. Thats the impression i am getting-that he could have you a little brainwashed to the point your not sure whats healthy and whats not. I think you should see a counsellor alone right now and try to be more independent.

Maybe you could consider marriage counselling but this man is 16 years older, from a different generation and may have different beliefs to you. Maybe your just not compatable

[smackie9]

Last night (and a few other times) he asked what I thought marriage meant. He told me we need to be together all the time. Married people shouldn't spend time apart. He told me he needs to be with me, that he can't be without me. Is that not him being nice?

No that is being controlling. He meant that you shouldn't be out enjoying yourself with other people, that you should be at home with him so he can keep an eye on you.

Couples need to spend time to do their own thing....having a life outside the relationship is healthy, but to him it's a threat.

[DalM0m]

Telling you that he needs to be with you all the time is not healthy, It's not him being "nice". It's him being controlling. It's bad. You're married not Siamese twins.

[Maizy]

He's gone out tonight to a works xmas party, I didn't go because they all dislike me (I used to work there and fell out with the management) He knew I didn't want to go and said he wouldn't force me into anything. So I am at home whilst he is there. That's nice isn't it?
I am so confused

[michelle23]

Write a list of pros and cons

pros: reasons you should stay
Cons: reasons you should leave

[woody]

It'll hurt but maybe you ought to start entertaining the idea of moving on....

[smackie9]

Could it be possible he was feeding a bunch of bs to his co-workers that you were causing problems in the relationship? It wouldn't surprise me.

[anastasis]

You need to give him some good oral sex. Seriously. It's Biblical and perfectly in order. It may even be in the prayer book, I'm not sure. Maybe an index, but it's in there. That would make him feel loved and have a lot better outlook on things. And he can feel like he is a man and has something to offer this family.

For Christmas, you need to give him a good bj. Merry Christmas. Blessings. :-)

[Boisdevie]

For Christmas, you need to give him a good bj. Merry Christmas. Blessings. :-)

Yeah, I'm sure a good BJ will solve all these problems. Meanwhile back here on 'Planet Reality'.......

[anastasis]

Yeah, I'm sure a good BJ will solve all these problems. Meanwhile back here on 'Planet Reality'.......

I think it would bolster the relationship in positive ways. And I think they would both feel a lot better. It should happen. Book it.

[woody]

I can't just leave

Lady Maizy
I feel for your situation. When your in love with someone that isn't always good for you or good to you but when their sweet, their just oh so sweet; yeah, doesn't make it easy to get up and go. Might have to take yourself out of the situation and look in, get some perspective.

Ask yourself, if you were a Mom, and your daughter was dealing with what your dealing with, how would that make you feel.

Leaving someone can be a scary task, especially if a fair share of control issues are involved.
He either needs to get a grip and find comfort in the fact you have a life and other things to do aside from be there for him. If the love is strong, and it isn't a case of 'keeping you in a box' so to speak, he'd want to know how your feeling. That his actions are clipping your wings.
We must inspire our partners, not bring them down; and I'm sorry to say, but it does sound like he's trying to clip your wings and that simply isn't acceptable.

If your Mother is worried about you, there must be a valid reason.
I know we get protective of our spouses.

Break it on down. Do your pro's and con's, talk to him and see if he's even receptive to making things better all round. You'll find some answers that way.
and if he gets mean and nasty, have a bag packed and when he's asleep, leave.
At the very least, this act will confirm your serious that something needs to change. Might give him the jolt he needs to fully understand that those wings are made for flying.

be strong. You can do this. It will not be easy but anything worth fighting for never is. And when I say fight, I mean for you. You've got to fight for yourself.

[Katerina]

Unfortunately, lack of marital satisfaction during the first few years of marriage is a common problem among married couples.Usually, both partners have very high expectations about their marriage and get easily frustrated when something goes wrong. According to a research, there are several factors that predict marital satisfaction.One of them is realistic expectations which means that spouses should not assume that they instinctively know how to make each other happy without being told. In your case I would suggest to talk to your husband about what you really expect from each other.But it has to be a staight forward conversation to clarify all misconceptions. Another factor that predicts marital satisfaction is shared interests. In fact, if you want to make your marriage work out there is nothing better than to start doing something together. I understand that you are a busy woman; however, if you want to make your marriage happier this is the best way to do so!