Please can someone give me some advice

[Maizy]

I met my now husband 7 years ago. We married 1.5years ago. When we first got together he told me his ex wife used to tell time to leave all the time and to get out. He, for a while now has told me that I would be better off if I l left him. That I could have a baby if I wasn't with him. That I would have money. That I should go. I ask him why he is saying that. I ask him does he really want me to leave, and he says no. Thing is he says it a lot.
He says sex is a huge part of a relationship, but I don't always want it. Some times I give in and do it just to please him.
When we met, I was shy and quiet. Now I am more outgoing and he has told me he doesn't like it. I have my own business and he says I am never at home. He doesn't want me to do it. When I told him I was going to go to a big christmas party he told me I couldn't go. He got so angry about it. He now says he wants to work in my business but I think he is just saying it so he knows what I am doing and when.
He texts me all the time asking me what I am doing, where am I, when am I coming home. He gets upset if I don't text him first. He says I spend too much time with my mum because I am not always home. I tell him I don't. I have a day job as well as my business. My mum happens to do the business too.
I just don't know what to do because sometimes we are great. I talk to him about it and everything gets better for a while but not for long. He is 16 years older than me, but he acts younger than me sometimes.
Am I over thinking everything?
I don't know how to feel anymore

[HeartIsAching]

That's easy. Feel oppressed. Feel mentally and emotionally abused. Feel controlled.

Better?

[Boisdevie]

Sounds like you've married a control freak. Was he like this before you married him?

[Maizy]

Yeah he was a bit but I never really thought about it. My mother has told me that he is controlling and that I should leave. I don't know if I am feeling this way because of her always saying this to me or whether it's because of how I feel.
Sometimes things are great between us.

[Boisdevie]

Yeah he was a bit but I never really thought about it.

Yet you married him anyway?
So how to dig yourself out of this hole that you've jumped into? My advice is for you both to go to marriage guidance counselling to resolve these issues. Then if these issues remain unresolved then you divorce him. Quite simple really.

[smackie9]

Yeah he was a bit but I never really thought about it. My mother has told me that he is controlling and that I should leave. I don't know if I am feeling this way because of her always saying this to me or whether it's because of how I feel.
Sometimes things are great between us.

Listen to your mother, she is right. The abuse always starts out small but over time it starts to get worse, and worse. I know what being in an abusive relationship is all about, and it never gets better. The only time it's good is when you appease him which means he is oppressing you from having any kind of social life, and independence. You will start to lose friends, he will tell you to stop taking to your family etc. He will do it with passive aggressive manipulation. Get out now!

[michelle23]

I think you should leave too. A lot has changed since you met. Some couples change and grow together-others grow apart. And he does not like how you have changed and is trying to force you backwards. Change is a part of life and he cannot accept that. Good for you for setting up a business. Sounds like you have a lot going for you so do not stay a second longer with a man who does not value you or respect you. You can do better

[DalM0m]

Have you asked him to stop? If you have & he hasn't then you have to think about what you want.

Him trying to dictate where you go & what you do is a problem. Him wanting to isolate you is a problem. Him not being happy that you are growing as a person is a problem.

Remind him that he's the one telling you that you will be better off without him & that if he doesn't stop being a jerk you will take him up on that prophecy.

[Maizy]

Yes I have asked him to change and in all fairness he has changed. But I don't know how long for. We have started over so many times due to arguments. I have told him that I cannot do it again. I have also told him, if he tells me to leave one more time I will go. He is lovely at the moment which makes me think I am over reacting

[Maizy]

Last night (and a few other times) he asked what I thought marriage meant. He told me we need to be together all the time. Married people shouldn't spend time apart. He told me he needs to be with me, that he can't be without me. Is that not him being nice?

[Maizy]

I do love him.

[searock]

Last night (and a few other times) he asked what I thought marriage meant. He told me we need to be together all the time. Married people shouldn't spend time apart. He told me he needs to be with me, that he can't be without me. Is that not him being nice?

No, it's him being obsessive and codependent. You should leave him, your mother is right. Listen to your guts, they will tell you the same thing. You deserve better.

[Maizy]

I can't just leave

[searock]

Why not? What's stopping you? You don't have kids and you are financially independent, if you don't know where to go for the time being you can move back in with your parents until you find a place.

[Maizy]

Especially when now he is trying so hard