What to make of this situation

[ChloeGirl]

For those of you who know my situation, I'd really like to know what the deal with this past weekend was, as I am very confused. I just want to know what some of you all will take from this situation, particularly men.

This past Saturday, I went out with a couple of girl friends of mine. It was a normal night and I was having a good time. Earlier that day, I texted my friend (the guy who I have been seeing and having issues with) earlier that day and asked if he wanted to attend a Christmas get together with me. He never replied because he is still made. Over what? I'm still unsure, besides the fact that I blocked him on my phone last week. I only invited him to see what he would say. I know it was stupid of me since I'm supposed to be letting him go. My friend who was throwing the party ended up canceling, so we all decided to go out that night instead.

While at this club/lounge, I left the bar and I felt someone behind me as if I was being watched or something and when I looked, it was my guy. He had a smirk on his face and I was determined not to make my night about him, so I just smiled( I couldn't help it, he looked really good) and I also looked sort of surprised, I'm sure. He looked like he wanted to say something but again, my night wasn't about him so I just kept walking with my girl friends. I went to the dance floor for a while and when I left off the dance floor, I seen him standing in the lounge area again. I walked past him again and this time, he followed me and sort of grabbed me from behind and asked why was I acting like I didn't know what it was between us. At this time, I had an attitude because I felt as if he already know why I wasn't going out my way to be all over his penis. I said, well you were ignoring me this past week or did you forget? He never really responded, he just started pulling me closer to him and hugging all over me and holding my hand and throughout the night, he kept coming up to me, sitting with me in the lounge and basically following me around like a little puppy.

One of my friends, who never met him said, wow, he is all under you. He must really like you and that he wasn't even dancing with other girls or anything, even when I wasn't in the same area as him. He was being so sweet that night.

He came to my house instead and we didn't do anything that night. I only gave him a blow job while I rode with him to my house. He left shortly after arriving to my place. We ended up getting into it because I was still hurt over him ignoring me. He said that he is tired of me talking crazy to him and then apologizing for it. I said that I was tired of apologizing about everything period. I told him that I was sick of tired of him ruining my nights.

Not surprisingly, he is not talking to me all over again. Why was he being so sweet and all over me in the lounge and then flipped the script later on and is now ignoring me? Was it because I looked nice and he got excited all over again? Why was he all over me only to act like an asshole all over again. I am really confused at this point.

[searock]

He came to my house instead and we didn't do anything that night. I only gave him a blow job while I rode with him to my house. He left shortly after arriving to my place. We ended up getting into it because I was still hurt over him ignoring me. He said that he is tired of me talking crazy to him and then apologizing for it. I said that I was tired of apologizing about everything period. I told him that I was sick of tired of him ruining my nights.

Not surprisingly, he is not talking to me all over again. Why was he being so sweet and all over me in the lounge and then flipped the script later on and is now ignoring me? Was it because I looked nice and he got excited all over again? Why was he all over me only to act like an asshole all over again. I am really confused at this point.

Read the bolded parts repeatedly, you'll have your answer. He just wants sexual favors and enjoys having you whenever he wants you. He needs to feel that he "owns" you in a way, he is dysfunctional that way and you are the perfect woman for it, since no emotionally healthy woman (or man for that matter) would let herself be treated like this.

You really should stop being in contact with this guy. Then maybe get some counseling to help you understand why you are drawn to people that treat you like crap.

[Cerby]

Searock is mostly right, but answering like a girl would and not a guy. Here is the guy version:

He ignores you because he doesn't really want you, he comes to you when he is horny, and ignores you when he is not. He doesn't know about dysfunction or how emotionally healthy women treat themselves, and doesn't care. All that he cares about is getting you alone when he wants it.

Next time he contacts you, don't play in to his game.

[searock]

He not only comes to her only when he is horny (just wants sexual favors), he also needs to feel that he "owns" her... that she will always be there whenever he wants her. He wants to keep her in his pocket like an object he can take and use when he pleases.

Anyway what matters isn't what he thinks and feels, those are his issues to deal with... what matters is that she stops playing into his game.

[Wakeup]

He came to my house instead and we didn't do anything that night. I only gave him a blow job while I rode with him to my house.

So he got some and you got none. Lmao

Your father would be proud.

Close the door on him (and your mouth) and stop being his cum bucket. He'll ignore you until he thinks you're really upset and wanting his attention bad and then he'll (just like last time) easily get it if you don't stop the merry-go-round he has you on. Surely you think you are better then a blow job in the car of a guy that ignores you between hard-ons? Yes?

Was it because I looked nice and he got excited all over again?

No. no it wasn't. You may have looked nice but that isn't what the "pull" was. The pull was that he knew you were a sure thing that didn't take much effort to get you to do what you did.

I told him that I was sick of tired of him ruining my nights.

Why did you blow him then? Wouldn't it have been a better idea to just talk about things, ask him if he could give you more of himself then a load, that was it possible that you could be REAL bf and gf without the ambiguity. Then if he said no, or some semblance of "no" you could stop your desperate action when around him and say goodbye to him for good ~ close the door?

[ChloeGirl]

But why was he all in my face all night at the lounge after ignoring me for week ? You don't think he felt anything that night for me when he seen me?

I don't feel like I am his cum bucket. We are better then that. Well we were.

[Wakeup]

But why was he all in my face all night at the lounge after ignoring me for week ? You don't think he felt anything that night for me when he seen me?

I don't feel like I am his cum bucket. We are better then that. Well we were.

Becase he knew you'd do what you did. I added a lot more to that post so re-read in case we were posting at the same time.

[ChloeGirl]

I don't know what else to say. It's disappointing because I thought he could be the one. So you don't think that he wants me at all? I think he gets off on ignoring me. If I stopped contacting him all together, then what do you think would happen?

[michelle23]

Hes using you. Its blatantly obvious. He got what he wanted and then he left. He sees you as easy and tbh your actions that night were. If a guy ignored me for a week-hed get a kick in the balls and then he would never see me again-not a freaking bj! Theres something wrong with your self esteem to allow yourself to be treated this way. This guy is a player-a vulture and your easy pickings

[Wakeup]

I don't know what else to say. It's disappointing because I thought he could be the one. So you don't think that he wants me at all? I think he gets off on ignoring me. If I stopped contacting him all together, then what do you think would happen?

I think he'd contact you when he was good and sure you'd blow him because you were pining for him so bad by that point that you'd open wide at the first kiss.

Get yourself some good books to read about this type of situation. Start with "He's Not That Into You." Its a bit of a fluff but it's got a lot of good common sense (which you lack) about men and how they show you in actions (that don't entail sex) when they are valuing you for more then a boning.

[ChloeGirl]

I understand what you all are saying but I do not lack self respect. I just really liked him, that's all. I am not this way with other guys. I'm saying that to let you know that this is not the way I normally act.

I wouldn't say that he is not that into me because he wants me like crazy when I am catering to him and doing things that he likes to do. Using me, yes. I feel used right now. and its not a good feeling.

I'm not going to worry about it but it hurts and I do have every intention of not speaking to him but then when I see him unexpected, it totally throws me off. I'm just sad right now. I can have just about any other good guy but he's the only one that I want. Its just hard because he knows all of this and he keeps playing with my feelings and it makes me mad because I think he does it on purpose.

Maybe he has a control issue?I understand that once I let it go, it will no longer be a problem. The sooner I let it go, the better.

[Wakeup]

I wouldn't say that he is not that into me because he wants me like crazy when I am catering to him and doing things that he likes

That doesn't mean he's into you. It just means he wants to let you service him (thats what he's into) As long as you're easily giving, he's going to allow you to give.

Go talk to your mother or a good female role model about what it is actually like when a man loves you all and not just your snatch. You haven't a clue.

Using me, yes. I feel used right now. and its not a good feeling.

Honey, he didn't use you. You have been volunteering. If you don't want a guy to "use" you then stop letting him take from you and doing to you that makes you feel that way.

[searock]

How could you think that he was "the one"? He's just using you, it's so obvious. You need to be more careful, learn how to read the signs. A guy that only calls you for sex and then disappears is not "the one".

[Wakeup]

A girl that blows a guy that doesn't give her the time of day is not being "used" anymore then she's "using" him. She's using him by getting some kind of esteem boost from her thoughts on her own "skills."

[searock]

Yeah, they are both dysfunctional... but I'm pretty sure that from his point of view, he's the only one that's doing the using. He's not a decent man, he cannot be "the one".