Is it wrong to stick by my wife while she is in jail? Should she get visits?

[1924]

My wife, who is also mother of my fourteen year old is going to jail for six months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did . I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her and have her still be involved with her child because she was never an absent or abusive parent or anything. Some might say sticking by her is being enabling but I just cannot agree

Here is how I am dealing with the situation. I told my daughter right away that her mom got in trouble with the law and now is going to jail for six months. She made some bad decisions and is serving her punishment now. I am trying to not show her mom as a bad person, but as a good person that made some bad decisions. It shows her I think that even a person like her mother can mess up.

Her mother is also being honest with her and explaining exactly what will happen. Main intent is not to treat my daughter like a baby in this situation, also make it clear that we will continue living life normally while she is away. I heard this comment "when a family member goes to jail it feels like the whole family is in jail". I am not following that at all


I was thinking of allowing my daughter to visit her. But I am not sure if I should because I don't think my daughter to be exposed to a prison environment. It is nothing to do with the mother is solely the environment. Also I hear it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Seeing her mom there might be a bad image

My daughter seems to be taking it fine , she said it is kind of cool that her mother is locked up and is now the one being ordered around by others. This is weird because she never had a bad relationship with her mother. I asked what she meant and she said she was just joking. I think that is OK to try to crack a joke to make the situation feel less bad and that a better way of handing the situation instead of being hysterical about it.



some say you should not tell her and make up some story to explain her absence. Others say it is best to tell her and involve her from the beginning. Which is right?

I also would like to still involve my wife in certain things going on in the household b waiting for her to call from jail and getting her opinion

also I am wondering if visits would be appropriate when she goes. I was thinking of allowing my daughter to visit her. But I am not sure if I should because my daughter beeing in a prison could be scary or traumatizing. It is nothing to do with the mother is solely the environment. Also I hear it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Seeing her mom there might be a bad image. Also seeing other inmates behind glass and even police officers could be intimidating to a 14 year old.

what other things should be done to prepare. Obviously everyone needs to prepare , my wife must prepare to actually be going there while me and my daughter must prepare how we are going to live and how things are done during her absence. What is a good way to do this? Luckily there is still time to prepare

some say it is wrong to stick by her because now she committed a crime and is now a bad role model for my daughter. I understand it but I really am willing to stick by her still

[pcmaster]

Prison is a good place. You can ge education here, attend courses, talk with priest etc. I doubt your wife is in strong regime prison with murders.

It seems like you are being bigger pussy than your daughter. Kids do adapt much faster. Its actually good that shes geting indroduced to diferent enviroments so she might apreciate what she have and choose what she want in life.

[michelle23]

I think your doing the right thing. Its only 6 months and hopefully she will get out early. Shes your wife. You have been together a long time. You know shes a good person and a good mother so yes stand by her and forget what other people think.

I think your daughter is old enough to decide if she wants to visit or not. Tell her she doesnt have to, its her choice and if she doesnt like it there she doesnt have to go back again.

The only thing I would worry about is that she could be picked on in school so keep an eye on her and make sure shes okay. There are family counselling services to help if you feel she needs it

[DalM0m]

Have you talked to your daughter? She's all over another advice website trying to figure out how she's supposed to feel about her mom.

[Wakeup]

I think you should set up some councelling sessions with a family councelor for you and your daughter so that you have some professional guidance here. We can give you opinions but will our ideas be in your daughters best long term emotional health?

My instinct tells me that if she wants to visit her mother then you should let her It also tells me that if she doesn't want to then there is something else going on there that needs scoping out. Six months is a long time for a young girl to go without wanting to see their mother (if the relationship is a healthy one). My spidey sense tells me that there is some resentment from your daughter to her mother and that is what she should be able to talk about without fearing offending either you or her mother. Saying she thinks its good her mother is in jail isn't something that sounds healthy to me.

Good luck.

[Starnique]

I also agree to let your daughter decide if she wants to visit her mother. She is 16 and I believe can handle seeing her mother in that position. Wakeup is right, 6 months is a long time to go without her seeing her mother at this age. Hell, I'm 26 (yes, I know I am getting old) anyway, it is a long time for me to go without seeing my mother now.

My best friend went thru something similar. Her mother had to do about 6 months also because of some financial issues as well. At the time, my friend was about 18 but she is really close to her mother and she visited her mother every week. I know it was very hard for her at this time and she was stressed out so it may be a good idea to get canceling for her to help her cope thru any issues or resentment she may have.

[1924]

Daughter has no problem visiting. I just wonder if it is a good idea to take her

[Wakeup]

Daughter has no problem visiting. I just wonder if it is a good idea to take her

I think She's old enough to decide that. I'd be more concerned if she didn't want to.

Have you seen her posts on this? Just Google "Should I visit my mother in jail" and they come up. It might give you a better insight about her mindset on this.

She seems more pumped about the idea that her mother won't be able to dicipline her at all now that her mother has broken the law... calls her a hypocrit if she should which indicates that she(your daughter) isn't really cognizant about what is actuallly going on.

I googled it after Dalmom in the above post pointed it out.. it's easy enough to find.