After half year....

[Idainaru]

Hi all!!!

I am back here after few months to post an update about my relationship.

-Just a short introduce to all people who dont know:
I am with this girl 9 and a half years. Last 8 months she works at a company which sends all their workers to another countries to work there in different areas. So as my girl got the job ( economic situation in our country, and her family situation forced her to took that job). My paycheck alone is not enough to support my and hers family. Anyway, we had long distance relationship where she was able to come back only every 2 months on a few days. She works every single day there, i mean every day, no day to rest. And every day 10 hours minimum. I did my best to deal with situation, giving her support, trusting her and everything. Making plans for us...A day by day, a month by month...Now she is on holidays here, she has 2 weeks free...And this is current situation...


When i saw her, she was emotionally distant...We supposed to go in my house, spend some time, she supposed to spend a night with me. I was so lucky seeing her...Sex was out of question because she has those "days". I was extremely happy that we will watch a movie, hug, kiss and sleep together...But something was wrong. Then i pushed on her with questions and she admit.

She admits that she has some serious emotional problems. Problems with me. She feels like she is not connected with me anymore (as i expected, feared). She blocked me emotionally there, to not being in pain every day. And now she doesnt know how to bring all feelings back. She loves me, she cares about me...She doesnt want to throw allyears away. But the problem is, she doesnt know should she bring feelings back. Because as she says, she thinks she doesnt deserve me...She cant give me what i deserve, she doesnt know how to be a right girl for me anymore...Now in the situation as she is...

I was shocked...She was adoring me before, she couldnt let fingers off of me. And now, she is afraid of being in same bed with me. In all those crap and shit, i told her that i am not mad about her. That i understand, that i love her with all my life and i wanna make her happy. "Do you want a short break up to clear your mind?" i asked. She started crying, "Dont say that". "How will i start a day without your good morning message, and good night..."

Ok, that was one good fact for me...

She admits me that such situation is 2-3 months already. She thought she would be able to deal with it alone...but she couldnt. She drinks now, because she is in pain every day of doing this to me, not being honest...not being the person she was.

Today, we decided to fix things. She decided she will stop drinking. We will make contact even better. We will try. But she does that mostly because of me. I told her, dont do this only because of me. Do this because of you too. If you do this only for me, we will go back on the situation we are now. "WE WONT" she said.

I have 1,5 week left to improve things. But i dont know what is the best move to do. I am aware that i lost her, but both of us dont have a guts to say it loud. But i hope that, something that was so great, can be back. Am i right or wrong?

How much possible is to bring the old flame back?

[Cerby]

It sounds like she is the one that should be trying to improve things. Why do you feel you need to take ownership for shared relationship problems when she admits to being the weak link?

[Idainaru]

It sounds like she is the one that should be trying to improve things. Why do you feel you need to take ownership for shared relationship problems when she admits to being the weak link?

Because now she is emotionally crippled, and physically exhausted. And i am aware of that. She cant do this alone. If i just let it go and wait what would be, it wont be any good.

[Cerby]

Because now she is emotionally crippled, and physically exhausted. And i am aware of that. She cant do this alone. If i just let it go and wait what would be, it wont be any good.

All you can do is try to re-kindle the romance without being over-the-top. The problem is in that she is going to go back again, and will fall distant again. You have an uphill battle on this one.

[Idainaru]

All you can do is try to re-kindle the romance without being over-the-top. The problem is in that she is going to go back again, and will fall distant again. You have an uphill battle on this one.

Indeed...

But what do you mean without being over the top?

[Cerby]

Acting desperate, asking too many questions, using the date as a guise to just gent in her pants, etc.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Once she goes back, she's going to be ****ing the same guy she was ****ing while she was there. Dump this whorebag and her family.

[vashti]

Hi all!!!

I am back here after few months to post an update about my relationship.

-Just a short introduce to all people who dont know:
I am with this girl 9 and a half years. Last 8 months she works at a company which sends all their workers to another countries to work there in different areas.She works every single day there, i mean every day, no day to rest. And every day 10 hours minimum.

She is alone in a foreign country, over-worked and exhausted, and is probably lonely. A 2 week vacation is unlikely to make up for this. Most women aren't so independent.

[Idainaru]

She is not whorebag, and hers family isnt much worse than mine is.

Anyway, we saw each other last night. I went to pick her up, and when i saw her i just hug her and started to kiss her...she was a bit distant..Like she cant do this today (she feels sick, head blowing apart and such)...And i told her "i wont let you go that easily" and continued to kiss her...She kissed me back...I took her hand and put it on my chest to feel my heart...she left it there and touched me while we were kissing...

I know i shouldnt act so much pushy and should be much cooler...but i couldnt....i cant gamble with this week that we have left.

Wanted to take her at the dinner, or drink or walk...she didnt want to...she felt tired and sick...ok...so we just stayed in car...

And...after a while we came back on our theme...our relationship. But this time with no tears...I told her that we can fix this, but we both gotta try. The solution wont fall out from a sky. She promised she will try, she still loves me, otherwise she wouldnt be here with me anymore...she would be away. We will improve communication etc. We are aware that next few months that she is away we wont be able to fix much, but we will maintain to not fell apart completely. Then we will work on relationship.If we dont succeed, we will break up. She told me she wont be i relationship where she needs to convince herself that she loves me...Logically, i agreed with her!

Also, she told me that i lost her 8 years ago when she moved on another city to study, and i wasnt sure should we stay together. Then she switched our relationship to physical type! And yes, i was garbage...now i realize that. I had my reasons, i didnt want to be like that. I lost my mom, she died. I was alone with my father who fell apart, i was 18 years old. Met her, she was full of problems, in a relationship with a guy. She even didnt broke up with him while she was with me. When she moved to another city she asked me to go with her and leave my dad. I just couldnt do that to my dad....So yes, i was thinking we shouldnt stay together. But we did. After a year of distant relationship she came back and finished same university with me.

Also, she told me she was happy and unhappy at the same time with me. Happy because she was with me, and unhappy because i was a person who didnt like to go out, and do stuff what the most of my age would do. Yes, i was still suffering about mom.
Now, she says to me that she is overwhelmed with all that...Despite the fact that last several years everything was going great. We finished university, found a job. I was finally free to completely show her how much i love her. Cooking for her, not cheating her, supporting her and everything...Simply loving her with all my heart, loving her as much as a man can love a woman.

So yes, i feel guilty for all of the situation even when she says its all hers fault. I know i should have treat her better...I know that now i should probably let her go. But i just want to try it one more time, things can be so good for us...

Am i wrong? Can a relationship recover from this? Can a woman be in love again with same person she was before or does everyone has just one chance???

I really appreciate all answers, so please...answer anything...insult me, give me advice...anything!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Dump this whorebag and her family.

[honeypie]

To be honest with you, I think that this have absolutely NOTHING to do with you. I think her new job and her being away from you has changed her. And you are both living in denial right now. She tells you she cares about, she loves you BUT she's afraid of being in the same bed with you is the definition of a "friend" and not a "(girl)friend". The fact that she doesn't want to let you go is not because she believe she can fix it. It's because she is in denial and she doesn't know how to handle the lack of emotions towards you.

If you told her that you didn't want to be with her, she would cry to begin with but she feel much better deep inside. She doesn't know how to say goodbye because she's afraid of the future without you, but deep down inside she know that this isn't going anywhere.

My advice for you would be to back off or take a break so you both can collect your thoughts and you will eventually know whether it's just a phase of her life or whether she still truly loves you.

[Idainaru]

This is totally true.

As she said, she changed and she hate herself because of that. She feels like she betrayed me. She remembers all the good times, and doesnt know how to feel like that again.
When i suggested a break, she started crying and told me she doesnt want that. But yes, right now i am more to her as a family member, as she said.

But some things changed in last 2 days. My brother had terrible car accident and survived without a scratch, while car is screwed...he fell down from the cliff. This changed me, shaked me. Im gonna enjoy life more. And i am different with her too. Much more positive, planning to make my life more rich by learning playing guitar, going to gym, going out with friends etc . She sees that...our problem is not main topic in our conversations. Now we do things we used to. She searches for my hand when walking, her messages are not just plain words...she uses those cute words like she was before...words like "teddy bear, mouse, sweetie etc...". I have a feeling she is might turning back, falling in love again...She even told me she will come and sleepover. Next week is just for as, as this week her sister was on holidays and my brother too...so we spent some time with them too...

Dunno...I am having perhaps false hope.

[Idainaru]

Hi all!

Another update after hollidays!

So, she went back, again...And this is summary. After few days she was here, i was being the best boyfriend ever. Seeing her every day, being understandable. Buying her flowers, taking her to dinner...everything. She wasnt very happy about it, she said it wont make things better right if i push her now with all those things...

She spent few nights at my home, in bed with me ofcourse. She didnt want to have sex, neither i pushed or asked for it...and i told her so. I kissed her and cudled, she was only returning kisses back..And last day before she left, she started to kiss me too. She even did one small thing which she did before when she was happy with me. While we were in car last day, she drew a pencil from her bag, and painted 2 hearts on my wrist.

- At the very end when we were saying good bye to each other, i asked her "do you promise to to work on us, and to make things better?".
- "Yes, i promise" she said, and kissed me.

When she was driving away with van, and her collegues. She texted me alot, telling how the voyage is advancing and stuff. Her messages were cute...She even called me when she arrived. Told her "I love you..."..."I love you too..." she returned.

BUT!

Then she saw that i have made facebook account. I made it 2 weeks after she made it too. She told me she will make it to keep contact with her collegues from work (to not call her on hers cell phone). And to keep contact with her sister, friends etc. I had nothing against it. But that wasnt very true...she posted there some private things, about drinking with friends etc. She only didnt posted about her social status and her mobile phone, while everything else is valid.

So she asked me "Why did you made FB account?". I told her that if she can have it, i want it too. I have friends too, just wanna have contact with them, i dont have any bad intentions. I made normal things, and made social status "in relationship" with her...But she didnt approved it. I was pissed, asking her why...she doesnt want to. WHY???? "Because we can break up in 2-3 months, so what then? We will need to tell people that we broke up? And then if we get back together again, what then?". This was so stupid answer to me because we are in relationship 9,5 years. Aevery single person knows that. But now, she is bothered with this fact. In her list of friends, there isnt that male friend, coworker, in list. I dont know why, never asked her about it. She said her wife doesnt let him go anywhere when he is back from this work. Because her wife knows about gossips about them...hmmm...

Another thing, she doesnt want to introduce me to any of her coworkers. Like, she doesnt want to mix private and business. Does this even makes any sense, when she goes drinking with them???

Once again, i know what you people are thinking. This idiot cannot understand its over, so why should i waste my bytes on him. And thats true, i am aware of it. I am just very hard to admit its over.

But in this very speciffic situation, is there any way to act better!? Is there any sense in making her jelous or something?

[anastasis]

Certainly a lot of love and reciprocity in this little scenario thingy.

This is actually a bit more intriguing than even Bella, Edward and Jacob.

You should write teenage romance vampire and werewolf novels. You know how much you could make off this stuff?

Apparently people love love stories like this that have no plot, no character, no direction, no drama and are completely one sided.

Next time you see her just ask her, Hey, can I go ahead an turn you into a vampire, or what? And then bite her on the neck and see what she does.

[Idainaru]

Certainly a lot of love and reciprocity in this little scenario thingy.

This is actually a bit more intriguing than even Bella, Edward and Jacob.

This is where and how everything started, so you dont think we are some teens with facebook problems: http://www.loveforum.net/threads/83315-Relationship-quot-problem-quot-%28warning-long-story%29