Am I just expecting too much, or is he just self centered with poor manners?

[Tamaramara]

We've been together nine months, so this is our first Christmas together. Since his mom kept asking what I wanted for Christmas I know she got me a gift (she got me a birthday gift too), so when he and I were out shopping I bought them a gift basket. My mom bought him a Michael kors tie since she knew I was exchanging with his parents, and he was spending Christmas Eve with us she wanted to have something for him. I made sure to causally mention weeks ago that she had a gift for him, so he knew about it, and also knew that I had something for his parents (which I will be giving him tomorrow since I am spending Christmas Day there and he spent Christmas Eve here). I figured between those two things and common sense and manners he would clue in to pick up some thing for my mom, even a cheap small box of chocolates, but no. Tonight he showed up empty handed and I was SO embarrassed and mad. It's not like he's holding off until tomorrow, I'm driving myself to his parents house, so he won't see my mom until possibly New Years. I haven't said anything but I'm really unimpressed that he didn't get her anything. In my opinion it's just bad manners when you are going to be a holiday guest in someone's home and you know they got you a gift to not come with even something small to give in return.

Am I in the right to be mad here, or should it not be expected of him to get something? Should I talk to him about it? It's not like he can do anything about it now

[Boisdevie]

Is this a one off or is his behaviour typical?

[fearoflove]

He probably doesn't know it is a big deal. You have to tell him directly.

[AnErin]

Gift basket and a tie -
I would not be upset. The whole "exchanging gifts" ritual is stupid. Adults do not really know what to get each other so people go out and buy stupid junk. Stupid junk includes - chia pets, ties, gift baskets, coffee cup sets, throw blankets, cheap makeup sets, fruit cakes, anything from Spencer or Hot Topic... and probably the worst - Duck Dynasty ANYTHING.

So here we have two adults, wasting money to buy each other completely useless junk. It becomes a CHORE.
This is of course after Black Friday where people go buy christmas for themselves first THEN head to the junk section of walmart to buy for their loved ones.

If anyone is like me, it is a RELIEF when someone doesn't give a gift. I got exactly nothing this year and I gave exactly nothing. And honestly, that is fine by me.

Giving presents to the kids is still a good idea though.

[TheEvilJester]

I do have to agree in large part with AnErin. For perhaps different reasons, though. I think exchanging gifts is awesome.... in certain circumstances. The problem is, like anything else good in life, people have found a way to ruin it. These days, people just get gifts for too many damn people. I mean, by the time you are giving your trash collector's uncle's lawyer's sister's former roommate a gift, it is starting to get a bit ridiculous. Okay, I'm obviously exaggerating a bit. LOL! But, you get my point.

You don't get somebody a gift expecting a gift in return. The point of getting somebody a gift is that you wanted to get them something. That said, I definitely agree that the socially appropriate thing to do in this case was that he should have gotten your mother something. Just a small token. At the same time, though, maybe he has just never been the type to be big on gift exchanges. Maybe his family never was. He may just not actually get that this would have been the socially acceptable thing to do. So, I would talk to him about it, but I wouldn't jump right into making it an argument. Just start off as cordial and friendly about it as you possibly can. At the same time, make sure it is clear that it is coming from you, not your mother. You don't want him to think she is the type of person who would have given him a gift just because she expects one in return. Either way, good luck. Hopefully it was just a clueless moment that you can easily discuss with him and resolve.

[DalM0m]

I am with you. I would have been embossed for him & wondering why I was dating somebody who didn't pick up on the hints & get my parents something. Then again, I'm pretty blunt, not to mention cynical, & would have sais something like "don't show up empty handed my parents like X if you are struggling to find gift."

You need to talk to him about your expectations. He should respect & honor your perspective. If he doesn't I'd reconsider whether you want him in your life next Christmas. Clearly he didn't learn he sense of generosity from his parents since his mom seems generous.

[basilandthyme]

Did he bring wine?

[vashti]

I was brought up learning that you never show up to someone's house for dinner/holiday without bringing a small gift. Unfortunately, not everyone has learned this. Depending on how old your boyfriend is, it is possible he can still learn good manners, if you care to teach him.