36yr old very new to dating.What to expect and what do I have with current gf?

[Evilone318]

I just joined the forum and have a little bit of info about me in the introduction forum. I got my first gf at 31. I am now on my second about 3months in.
I really don't know what kind of past is "normal". The first gf was no doubt the "good girl" The current one however...The first date felt like a booty call.
We talked online a little I asked for her number. I called her,she came to my place. I really liked her. She was a nerd like me I went in for a kiss and ended up having sex with her that night. She asked what I wanted and I said I was looking for a ltr. She was looking for the same. I asked her if she wanted to spend the night. She did and she laid her head on my chest and held me as if she was never going to hold a loved one again. What I felt was loved and that she was very lonely. I will add that she I read trouble.
I wanted to see her again asap but she had a date the next night. I had a date set up the next night. However the date with the other guy ended up being a bad one. She texted me late at night and she asked if she could spend the night. Although I knew better I said yes. She arrived crying and said he was "broken". I suspected since this was the second date with the guy that she may have had sex with him but I let it go.

I was infatuated with her. I imagine this is what teenagers feel. It was new to me. On the 3rd or 4th date I told her whats mine is mine and I do not share. She was reluctant,she was the most popular she had ever been. We have not been a single day apart since the 1st date.

She was in love with me but a devorce and later a ltr with a man with aspergers made her jaded. It took a few rough weeks,maybe a month to get her to really let her guard down and I won't lie I did some pretty damn chump stuff to get her past it. We are now doing well. Sex is daily sometimes a bit over. She can't wait to see me and I am sure would marry me if I asked. She even spent 2 days with me doing nasty hard work just to be with me. She has said that she does not deserve me.

Now the bad. Before she met me she did give up on having a real relationship and had been having onenight stands. That date imbetween our first and second she did have sex with the guy or atleast attempted that night either way she had sex with him previously. This is not sitting well with me! Her total number of partners is 19 (first was a rape at 15years old)this sounds high to me but I don't know the norm for a 38 year old woman. I also suspect a pill problem. I confronted her on this and have not seen her high on anything since.

That's all I feel like writing for now! Any input good or bad is welcome. I know that perfect isn't out there but I want to know what is. I really am a noob in the dating world. Also any questions are welcome but please don't attack.

[Cerby]

Best not to judge someone for their past since they cannot change it. Look forward, not back, and you'll be a lot happier.

Other than that, things sound like they're going well, so don't over-do it, and don't sabotage yourself. Good luck!

[AnErin]

She slept with you on a first date? Bad news.
Your best bet is to NOT get this woman knocked up and don't expect a relationship.
People act all loving etc but then when the subject of a serious or LTR comes up, they start making excuses. As I date men and women, I do not know which is worse about wanting to bump uglies then start talking about seeing other people.
Your best bet is to get as much sex as you can, to the point of being sick of laying with her, before she breaks out with, "I don;t want anything serious".

So do some math - in 23 years she has been with 18 people that she can even remember. The supposed rape doesn't count.
The piss-poor wording people use to describe wanting to bed-hop is "polyamorous relationships".

She doesn't deserve you. She has a pill problem, sleeps around, probably has an STD...
Your best bet is to enjoy the situation while it lasts but she is not wife or girlfriend material.

Get this - women are pros at acting like they are in love when they are not. Men are pros at getting what they want and then leaving. Do not let this woman break your heart.

[4 ratties]

I really wouldn't worry about her past. Some people stay the same and have the same behaviors. But people can change as well. They may not change forever and she could go back to pills and sleeping around but she also may not. No one knows. At least she has been honest with you. She's not hiding anything and that is half the battle right there.

[smackie9]

Yes you are a noob, because this has bad news all over it. Her past is still very present and just because she is with you doesn't mean she is going to miraculously change into the Ms perfect GF. Oh sure she's on her best behavior now, but her old self will be creeping back and destroying your heart because you are kneed deep.

[Evilone318]

She slept with you on a first date? Bad news.
Your best bet is to NOT get this woman knocked up and don't expect a relationship.
People act all loving etc but then when the subject of a serious or LTR comes up, they start making excuses. As I date men and women, I do not know which is worse about wanting to bump uglies then start talking about seeing other people.
Your best bet is to get as much sex as you can, to the point of being sick of laying with her, before she breaks out with, "I don;t want anything serious".

So do some math - in 23 years she has been with 18 people that she can even remember. The supposed rape doesn't count.
The piss-poor wording people use to describe wanting to bed-hop is "polyamorous relationships".

She doesn't deserve you. She has a pill problem, sleeps around, probably has an STD...
Your best bet is to enjoy the situation while it lasts but she is not wife or girlfriend material.

Get this - women are pros at acting like they are in love when they are not. Men are pros at getting what they want and then leaving. Do not let this woman break your heart.

The pill thing did put my guard up and one day I could tell her dad wanted to tell me something about her... We are 3months in and I have thot about just sticking with it while the sex is good.
I am curious as to what to expect out in the dating world. I really felt I lucked out with my 1st gf. She was of outstanding morals. I suspect mostly to find damaged goods at my age.

[smackie9]

Actually you can't expect to find "dream girl" right away at any age. It does take work. That is what dating is all about...like a job interview you have to to see if they fulfill your expectations. If not you move onto the next. Many make the mistake of ignoring red flags just to be in a relationship...I say missed opportunity of being with the right one because you are too busy trying to fix damaged goods to make it work instead. And this why there are sites such as this. The majority of advice given is "to move on".