Do you think I should try online dating?

[SlimShady101]

I'm somewhat interested in trying online dating and having a relationship, but I have a social complication called Asperger's Syndrome. Because of this complication, i'm extremely quiet, I rarely say anything, and it's extremely difficult for me to start conversations. I'm curious enough to try online dating, but i'm not sure it would work out due to my social complication. Would a woman really want to get to know a guy who hardly says anything? Would she try to understand what i'm going through and try to work things out? How could a relationship possibly work out? I'm not even sure if a relationship would work out. I don't what to do... This is a tough decision and I can't decide whether or not I want to die alone. Is online dating actually worth it? What do you think will happen if I try it?

[TheEvilJester]

Well, are you equally un-talkative online? In other words, via e-mail, instant messages, etc., would you be just as likely not to say much, or are you a little more open? If you are a little more open, I would definitely say go for it. Personally, I have always been extremely shy... especially around women. I know that isn't exactly the same thing as your situation, but it is a social anxiety thing, nonetheless. But, for me, I'm not shy in the least bit online, or through text messages, or anything like that. So, I always have a much easier time talking to somebody that way. That makes it easier for somebody like me to actually meet new people, and then once we are already friends online, I am nowhere near as shy around them in person. I would recommend you bring up your social anxiety at some point, just casually as sort of an explanation. Just say something along the lines of "I just feel I should let you know that I'm a bit quiet in person. It does take me some time, but I will open up."

I can't comment about how good online dating is these days. I haven't tried it in a while because I've been in a mistake of a relationship for years, so I had no reason to do so. How old are you? I ask because, when I was in my teens and early 20's, I tried online dating and HATED it. Nobody seemed to ever take it the least bit seriously. I mean, a girl could have basically been describing me in her "what do you want in a guy" type stuff, but even if I tried to message somebody, nobody would ever respond back. As if a guy with no self-esteem needs any further help feeling like crap.

But... now that I am getting ready to get back into the dating scene, something occured to me that never had before...

It is possible that it was literally just that people of my age at the time just don't really take online dating all that seriously. Now that I am 30, people around my age have probably dated plenty of the wrong people. Plus, it isn't as easy to meet new people in your adult age. So, I am almost wondering if it is more useful a tool in your more adult age. But, I've not yet tried it out to have any experience as to whether it is worthwhile.

Still, it is at least worth a try. Especially if you find you are able to open up more online. That should hopefully help you to open up more in person as well. Good luck.

[smackie9]

There are asperger's support groups on the net that can help you over come your disability. They have all kinds of tips about how to improve your social skills, etc. Maybe you should look into that before venturing out into the dating world.

[pcmaster]

How old are you? Being quiet can becompensated with being sexual. Its not so importand what you say but the energy thats expressed with communication(subcommunication). Maybe you can try nighclubs - music is so laud that its impossible to hear whats said but if you can dance there is a chance of finding the same language. Basicaly what I mean there is much more than words going on.


How about people you know well - can you talk with them easly? Online dating can work because you can develop some connection by writing. First date would be a bit akward in silence but if you go to restaurant you still can eat when theres no much to say. A lot of emotions are expressed thru eyes and smile too. You can look up some videos on youtube about "how to text a girl" and "physical escalation" and then just try them out in practice.

[technician27]

I think you should join to online dating sites for try. If you create honest profile I am sure you will find someone but make sure you create a honest profile.

[AnErin]

Online dating is like this -
It is like looking the Devil in the eye and saying, "Show me grief!" He would then shed tears of joy that you gave him the opportunity.
Here is how a few of them work -

The pay date sites let you set up a profile for free, it takes about an hour, then at the very end you find out you have to pay in order to send OR receive messages. That means there are a LOT of idle profiles. For trying to sneak in your contact info, that doesn't seem to work well. I tried to post my email address in a few sneaky formats and it got rejected every time.

On craigslist there are a lot of fakes, prostitutes, men looking to hire prostitutes, and scammers. The real people are like this - the men just want sex and the women want someone to help them raise their kids.

On free sites you get all that PLUS the ones who seem like good prospects are just there wanting attention or there is something wrong with them.

The one thing that most of them have in common - they are just not serious about wanting to date or find love.
Online dating sounds good on the surface. You set up a profile, find similar folks, meet, and have a better chance at something long term. But then when you get into it, you find it is a shit-pile of fakes, losers, scammers, etc.

Yes I tried it, I AM serious about wanting to meet someone for a LTR, I found out it sucks.

[somehelp4me]

Doesn't hurt to try, if it isn't for you then least you tried and now know right? Find a girl who is outgoing social and likes to carry a convo and that will balance your quietness.
People can tell if someone is quiet because it is their nature or if they are just being rude and acting uninterested and bored.
Nothing to lose making one profile up, give it a month and see how it goes.

[AnErin]

somehelp is right. I mean it doesn't hurt to TRY but don't expect much.
For real though - do NOT waste money on pay sites. Yeah the commercials show nice couples but that is not reality.
Reality is more like -
"I am some fat ugly dude who sits around playing video games and I expect a model to come give me a blowjob".
"I am a fat ass woman with 4 kids who are my whole world and I want a rich husband who wants no sex and pays my way thru life"

[smackie9]

When I had lunch with my GFs today one of them mentioned this dating phone app tinder. It's totally different way of online dating. All you do is "like" peoples profiles, but they don't see who you are unless they "like" your profile. So the concept is, if you both like each others profile then you get matched up.

[Rowen]

I would try online dating if I were you, if only to get a little more comfortable talking to girls. Obviously, you're still going to have this complication either way, but it might get a tiny bit better with talking one on one if you work up to it with text/email/IM/etc etc. I'll be honest that I am shy, as well, and while I do not have Asperger's Syndrome I can (microscopically) slightly imagine how it must feel. For me, online dating helped some because when I would finally meet up with the guy, I talked with him enough that I could understand a little bit of what kind of person he was, and that set me a little at ease.

But the bottom line is that it could never hurt to try, and it might work. You never know. Honestly, it worked for me; I met my current boyfriend on Okcupid.