He was so in to me and now he is not... advice please?

[Chezmunt]

I met this guy at a work Christmas party a couple of weeks ago and we really hit it off. I was so attracted to him and he was to me, we danced and talked but we didn't kiss or anything like that.. by the end of the night we exchanged numbers. He then half an hour later messaged me and asked if he could stay with me in my hotel room; I missed his call and unfortunately he went home. I know this was only the first night we met but there was just something about this man that had sent me instantly head over heels for him. The next day he messaged me asking me how I was and since then we had been messaging each other every day until Christmas day, he stopped. I cant see that I had said or did anything wrong at this point so I can't understand why? He went out on Christmas eve and I even got a "Merry Christmas :-)xxx" at 01:00 in the morning from him and when I replied the next day he said he only just woke up at 11:00 so I asked if he had good night etc and hope he enjoys his Christmas and that was the last message. I heard nothing back.

Then I did something very silly, which I can now understand why he won't talk to me because he probably thinks I am stalker... I decided to just type his name in google and see what it came up with, this is bearing in mind that he hadn't exactly told me what his surname was but I looked it up via our employee directory... I found him on a dating site called badoo and so I went on his profile to have a look. The site then prompted that if I wanted to see anymore I would have to sign up so I did. What I didn't know was that this site shows users who has viewed their profile and as soon as I did that I got an alert that he viewed mine, probably coz he got an alert that I viewed his. As soon as I saw that I thought oh no, he must think how weird and I guess rightly so as I was looking what I could find on him.

Thing is, I wasn't looking to be with anyone and I was quite happy just being single but then he came along that night and swept me off my feet. I couldn't stop thinking about him and he just seemed so perfect for me. We work for the same company but not in the same office so that isn't a problem. I am now starting to feel rather upset and sad about it because I really like him. I spoke to my sister about what happened and her advice was just leave it, if he wants to speak / see you, he will. I do think I should message him and explain about the dating site thing as I think this is now the main reason he isn't talking to me because I have scared him off. I am thinking that if I clear the air with that he might not be so freaked out, which is what I am guessing he is. Should I do that? Or should I just leave it and wait?

Since I have been on this dating site for the past couple of days, I have had a lot of interest from guys on there and some very good looking ones but I am not interested in anyone but him. I am quite attractive and I am not going to lie but I know I am so there is no problems there, we got on so well that night and through the messages so it isn't a personality issue. His friends that night even told me that he really liked me and was really into me.

What should I do? I don't want to let this one go! This is an odd but very intense feeling!

[Mademoiselle V]

I understand you, I know the feeling but you are looking for help and I will give you my advice (which I hate to apply to myself), be patient, pretend that you are not waiting for him, do the stuff you usually do, look prettier than you already are.. if you work in the same building, you will meet him so wait and let him think about you first.
About the internet thing.. the internet is an open book for us to use. If you are into someone, intoxicated by this person, you are looking for reminders on how amazing he is, photos, past, it just shows that we are interested but it also show that we don't want to be fooled and we have the right because we have the means.
Now you are aware that he is on a dating site, and you may also be now in a dating site.. tell him about it if the chat comes up and delete each others accounts when the time is right. I wish you luck and patience..

[surfhb2]

You dont know the guy.....who cares what hes thinking? The fact remains he doesnt care enough about you to call so let it be. Find a good looking guy who actually calls you and asks you out.... Jeesh!

[Wakeup]

After one night you're soooo upset you can't even date other men who are showing interest in your profile? What?

Look, if you're not going to date anyone on the site then take down your profile. No one wants to waste their time on women like you who don't know what they want but they'll bask in the attention anyway. You waste yours and any guy who contacts you, time.

Further: Forget Mr. I-just-met and either date from the site or get off it.

Many men will thank me if you take that advise. No man wants to put in the effort when you're mind is on some guy who doesn't even care enough to ask you out.

Get this: He asked to come to your hotel the same night he met you... he's a player who was looking for a quick jump and since twice now he never got it from you he's moving on. You can do better then some player who scouts Christmas parties for easy pickins.

[basilandthyme]

I agree that he probably just wanted a Christmas shag. And when it didn't pan out, he lost interest.

Not every guy who we get on well with wants to date us

[Chezmunt]

Hi all, thanks for the advice... I guess I wasn't expecting any different answers and probably just needed to hear it from more people. We don't work in the same building so he will never see me again. He can probably see all my photos etc on the dating site now he knows I am there but he hasn't viewed my profile since the first time. As for wasting others time on the dating site, I don't feel I am wasting their time as I am not responding to their messages. I am pretty sure they message loads of girls and don't get a reply back... It is just how it is for men on these sites. I don't feel like he was trying to have a "Christmas shag" he was really sincere and such a gentleman... he didn't even kiss me that night, he was just like a puppy. It is half the reason why I have gone crazy over him because he wasn't like those guys that seem like they are only after one thing.

I guess at the end of the day, if he is not interested in me now, then I am wasting my energies. If I can bump into him when not looking then there can be more like him that may come along and sweep me off my feet. I deserve better. It just sucks quite a lot... never thought I could feel so heart broken after a little encounter

[Wakeup]

I don't feel I am wasting their time as I am not responding to their messages. I am pretty sure they message loads of girls and don't get a reply back... It is just how it is for men on these sites.

My point exactly. Sadly, you didn't actually get it.

never thought I could feel so heart broken after a little encounter

Your "heart broken?" Drama much!

[michelle23]

He just wanted sex. That is all. Move on or you will be used

[Lord Darkshire]

I don't see any real indication he just wanted to shag....sure if it was offered he'd take it, like most men would. And I'm sure there was enough alcohol flowing that night, he drunk texted a rendezvous, big deal that doesn't always mean he's the type for only doing night stands. He kept texting afterwards so there is some interest. IMO this has to be one of the worst time of the year to try and date. Everyone is too busy with family and dinners and crap, who really has the time? So this could be a reason why things died off.

I can't see how looking at someone's dating profile would set of red flags...it's public for anyone to see so what's the big whoop about doing that. People just assume instead of actually knowing, that's the problem. Just send a message and see if he has any plans for new years eve or offer a coffee date on Sunday. If that's too forward just text him a wink or something and then leave it.

[somehelp4me]

Be careful of people who seem perfect, because they never are and they have more skeletons and secrets over anyone.
Who asks to stay in someones hotel room they just met if not a player? If you just wanted a one night stand casual sex then no big deal, but he is probably dating several women off that site at once so you'd be one of many.
Is that good by you, since you are making this dude a one in a million in your eyes.
Did you sign up with your real name and real picture to spy on his dating profile? if not he wouldn't have known it was you looking.

[bessieb]

Has he got a girlfriend and just got a bit carried away with drinking and the Chritsmas spirit? Does he work near you, where you can accidentally bump into him at all?