She's using ambivalent words while texting

[thisthisthis]

Hey!

The thing is i've texted with this girl for months now. Yes, we haven't seen each other. Met in some dating site. We don't even live in the same country, in fact we live quite far away from each other. She is smart, interesting and and very beautiful (and yes, she's completely legitimate person, not some troll).

Now, the thing is. I'm into her romantically, but she claims she's not into me. I understand, and i've accepted it. She has had a rough history, she got dumped by a guy about half a year ago. They met IRL for the first time, but that guy was also from other country. For some time they had a great time, but according to her she got dumped (she says she's not sure why, or she doesn't want to explain, but okay). After that she opened a profile in some dating site where we met. She started the discussion with me.

She often textes me that she's sad and misses her ex. Me being friendzoned (as one would guess) i listen to her and try to give advice how to overcome him, but i feel a bit sad myself doing it as i'm into her. But the most important part for me creating this topic is she sometimes gets drunk and says exactly these words (direct quotes! and yes, she's a native english speaker): I would like you to cuddle me (cuddle? like in a solacing way?); Would you give me a kiss on the forehead while i prepare to go to sleep?; Would you like to nap with me? (Nap? Like a totally innocent way to say instead of sleep). Why is she using such vocabulary with me if she's allegedly not into me romantically. I mean maybe she's just pushing me back as we've never seen each other and she doesn't want to get intimate with me (yet)? She asks me all the time when will i fly there to meet her, but damn it costs over 1800 USD for a one-way ticket from here to there (here it's like a 2.5 month salary), and i would be quite disappointed if she just wants to hang out with me and maybe babble what kind of guys she likes and wants. Which it probably would be like...

So what do you think? What does she mean by these words? Do you think she might have a slight interest in me romantically? Or she's just using me as a temporary guy who to share stuff while she finds a new guy again? If so, i guess i'm gentleman enough to tolerate it and then eventually let our communication fade away naturally when she finds someone...

Also when we haven't texted for a couple of days, she asks me why i haven't talked to her, how she misses me so much. Okay, i get it. Girls like when guys text first and stuff.

I'm almost 25, she's 22 if that means anything.


Thanks for your input!

Edit: Reading other posts in this forum people mostly suggest an ultimatum, like saying to her you either kiss me or we have nothing further to say to each other. I think it wouldn't be fair and we haven't had that long a friendship for it? 2 months tops. Or...? And ultimately i wouldn't like to do any decision like this before i haven't met her personally and got to know her. I just would like to know why she uses such words with me (not all the time, ofc).

[3mK]

You are her friend. Nothing more to her. You are her shoulder to cry on.
As far as those drunk texts go... well she's drunk! Take them with a grain of salt. There is no hidden meaning in her drunken ramblings.

Here is an ultimatum for you, unless you want to continue wasting your time. Stop texting her, and ignore her texts for awhile. After some time passes eventually respond telling her you wanted more than just a friendship and don't want to continue staying in touch if you aren't getting what you want. Put yourself first man and be a man!

[thisthisthis]

Thanks for your answer. I get you, and more than likely it is like so.

But let's take a look at it from a different perspective: would you dare to express romantical feelings towards someone you've never talked to (i mean really *voice-talked*) nor seen? I mean i have a feeling for her, but i've never said anything about it to her. I just can't like this, there's always a chance the same interesting person could be different in real life, you know. All i wanted to know is how she sees me. Interpret her use of words. So maybe she can't express any deeper feelings to someone she, true, feels comfortable as an anoymous friend, but that's it. And hence the reason why she eagerly wants to see me, to see if i am who i am and then spark some romantical interest.

It's just a thought, though.

[pcmaster]

Man first of all I think girl joined dating site to fill sexual gap in her life. But she met a soft guy whos not taking it to that level and now she have a friend - you. if you dont like how she talks about her ex then dont let her carry converstion that way - simple as that. You dont have to be emotional tampon to her. Also girl dont talk how much they miss their ex with guys they respect sexually(let her know you have a dick too so she stop talking with you like a girl or a gay).

This is huge topic but reading it all you can learn a lot about friendzone and how not to get used for attention

loveforum.net/threads/85877-3-years-of-a-friendzone-I-just-can-t-take-it-anylonger

Also if you actually go for a date with her this could be useful

loveforum.net/threads/85674-Guide-on-interacting-with-girls

Basicaly the way you described her makes me think her heart is still broken so need time to heal. So theres little chance she might fell in love with you but most likely you can be like a rebound.

So just in case

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

[Chatso]

The big red flag for me that this girl isnt quite into you was - she texts you when she misses her EX. OUCH

[Chatso]

I have gone by 1 simple philosophy - if someone really likes you - they will let you know, don't have to ask.

[Cerby]

I have gone by 1 simple philosophy - if someone really likes you - they will let you know, don't have to ask.

Fail - the reason most of the people are IN the friendzone is because they're too weak to say anything.

[thisthisthis]

I think i have to agree with Cerby a bit here. I guess if i don't even try, i'm not gonna know ever. And as we all know guy has to be the initiator here.

We'll see how i'm gonna proceed with this. Definitely i don't have any high hopes for this, but it's never a bad idea to at least try.

[pcmaster]

Basicaly what you wana do is escape friendzone by avoiding being her friend. While its okay to start date with friendly handshake or peck on cheek just to break the touch barrier you want to end date with kiss and a hug. Basicaly be confident and be who you wana be at the moment. Theres nothing you can lose. Be okay to be a man and express it. Dont take anything too seriously just have fun.

[Trilium]

She wants you for comfort, not for sexual reasons. It's kind of like comforting a small child when they fell and hurt themselves. She's not saying these things because she wants sex. However, if you don't take advantage, if you provide the comfort without pushing for more, she MIGHT feel appreciative and want more than that when she's ready, when she's gotten over her broken heart. If you take advantage when she's vulnerable you won't last long in a relationship with her anyways.

[thisthisthis]

Yes, thanks. I totally understand this.

Well, technically like i've discussed it with her is when i plan to visit her, i have to stay at her place for couple of weeks anyway. So it's hard to just end one night with her by trying to kiss her, hehe. We both end up going to the same place. I do remember she told me a couple of weeks ago that she would go on a date with me, but i can't recall the circumstance behind it. I think i seemingly jokingly asked it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop being such a bitch, and actually ask her out. Or just kiss her.

People who get friendzoned, deserve it.

[pcmaster]

This makes sense. Doesnt matter she wants date or not its possible to put your reality over hers. Like RSD(real social dynamics) saying says - dont change her mind, change how she feels. And the heart will follow.

[Boisdevie]

They don't even live in the same country. They're texting. FFS - date somebody who at least lives in same ****ing country otherwise what is the ****ing point? Jeezus, why are supposed adults so bloody thick these days?