boyfriend of almost 5 years..proposing?!!!:)

[Forevermine25]

I do keep quite until he mentions it i start talking:/....now and then i hint around but i am stopping now and give him few months..just incase he is going to propose

Kinda off topic but other day i said to my boyfriend how our 5th anniversary is very soon and can't believe how fast it came..he says "yea. but its not a anniversary we are not married"...he always been this way throughout our relationship and every anniversary i would suggest dinner and we would go..only day he does something spontaneous is valentines day :/.....but anyways i don't know if im being silly but everytime he turns down our anniversary it hurts....

It doesn't make sense though because we talk about when get married one day..getting a house ..having kids but yet..,its dumb to call years we been together anniversaries...doesn't help my own mother said that also to me one anniversary in front of him!..i swear my boyfriend and mother are same person :/ so i told my boyfriend other day "fine i won't make a big deal this year then sense means nothing to you"...left it at that. :/

[searock]

You and your boyfriend need to learn how to communicate. You are letting him have all the power in the relationship. Why are you afraid of telling him what you want? Why are you ok with him deciding for the both of you? If you want something, tell him. If he doesn't agree with you, discuss it together. All this hinting and passively waiting for him to "finally propose" is dysfunctional. It's not like you are inexperienced teenagers. You should communicate as equals, and as adults.

Tell him: "I want to get married before I'm 28 (or whatever). Do you want the same thing? Please give me a straight answer, it's very important to me."

If he tries to evade your question, ask him again until he gives you a straight answer. This is your future you're talking about. If you two aren't on the same page, you should make it very clear to each other, and then decide what to do (together or individually).

[BackUpOrGetStng]

A romantic gesture on Valentine's Day is not spontaneous at all. It's the exact opposite of spontaneous.

Everyone is harping on you about communication, but it sounds like any idiot would know how you feel at this point. I think you should start looking for a new boyfriend.

[DalM0m]

every time i confront him he says we are on same page but at same time he is ok with not getting married..doesn't change how much he loves me ..a ring is just a ring..and when he is ready he is ready no one will pressure him into proposing. Im not only one hinting around, this year he keeps talking about it and sounding more positive when people talk about our wedding and joins in this time..before he use to turn red when someone bought up marriage and say "hah yeah right"...this is first year he gave me an idea when he thinking of proposing! .

tonight i said to him im his wife/gf and he didn't deny it.

I will give him to march and see if anything happens, if not I will talk to him more and see what he says. My parents think its happening very soon because way he is acting. I know they only know as much as me because my bf will not tell my family anything..he knows they can't keep a secret..but they did notice a change and think it going to happen before 2015!

what u think?

I'm concerned about his attitude that it's just a ring & a piece of paper. I had an EX tell me that all the time. The morning after your wedding, when you wake up married you realize how much MORE it really is.

People who know both of you are telling you that it's going to happen. Believe them, not us. We don't know you. If you have set a deadline in your head -- first you mentioned March but then said your parents think before 2015 -- fine. But you better be prepared to vote with your feet -- meaning walk away from him -- if he doesn't come through. I'd start saving now so you have $$ for a security deposit on a new place. If he does pop the question you will have a headstart on your wedding budget.

Either way two things are clear to me:

1). He knows you want to get married.

2). Assuming he's planning on proposing, he wants to surprise you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

People who know both of you are telling you that it's going to happen. Believe them, not us.

DalM0m, I agree with the rest of what you said, but this advice is nothing short of treacherous.

[michelle23]

Your bf sounds like an a**hole tbh OP. Not an anniversary coz your not married?? My bf was proud telling everyone how were together 5 years and now hes going on about our 6 year anniversary even though its not till September..

It sounds like he is playing games and messing with your head. I would tell him not to mention another word about marriage or proposing coz you are sick of his empty promises and tell him if he doesn't want to marry you, theres plenty others who would!

Start saving some money and prepare for a breakup because he knows how important this is to you but doesnt care

[Forevermine25]

everytime i tell him my time line (to be married by 27 latest) he says its not up to me and says opposite...then randomly he says exactly what i said pretty much. Everyone says not to bug him, the proposal is his not mine. I agree but at the same time though he shouldn't be teasing me with it especially if its not happening soon!..im tired of telling him that. My mother says to ignore him and it will happen soon...i asked if she talked to him..my mother said no, its just how he said to her "she never got her ring yet"..he never said anything like that around anyone always said "she never getting a ring" and act all negative. I know she telling the truth because last year he said never telling my family a thing, especially my dad since almost spilled the beans about my moms surprise party.

hmm idk what to think..i know he loves me and commited otherwise we wouldn't have gone through everything and he still be here(i have depression..had few break downs) and other stuff over the years...he takes care of me when im sick...we both take care of eachother...and he goes to no end to make me happy. at same time it does make me wonder whats taking so long...our anniversary is February..ill give him till march and then talk to him again if nothing i guess :/

[searock]

everytime i tell him my time line (to be married by 27 latest) he says its not up to me and says opposite...then randomly he says exactly what i said pretty much.

He is messing with you. You need to be assertive. You want to be married by 27. Does he want the same thing? If not, then consider breaking up. It's pointless to be with someone whose long term projects are incompatible with yours.

Everyone says not to bug him, the proposal is his not mine. I agree

How can you agree with something so dysfunctional? You two should decide together if and when to get married. You need to be assertive. He is messing you right now. Why are you ok with it?

i have depression..had few break downs

Oh... that explains it. You feel like you actually do count less than him. But believe me, healthy couples are made of partners, of equals. If you really want something, talk to him about it and if he doesn't want the same thing, consider breaking up.

Or, as BackUp said (for once I agree with him ), break up with him directly. He is messing with your head with all this hinting and teasing and pretending like you're the only one in the relationship that wants to be in it, like he's doing you a favor just by being with you. It's so dysfunctional.

[basilandthyme]

everytime i tell him my time line (to be married by 27 latest) he says its not up to me and says opposite...Everyone says not to bug him, the proposal is his not mine.

Holy shit!! Do you really agree that you should have no input into the timing of major events in your life? If a guy thought that I should have no say in the timing of my life, I'd show him the door!

From the point of view of this old feminist, his attitude and that of those around you is nothing short of neanderthal.

[HeartIsAching]

^^^Damn skippy.

[michelle23]

I dont think I could stay with someone who is so negative about our future. Even if he is as perfect as you say he is in other ways-his attitude is just messed up "she never getting a ring". If my long term bf said that about me, I would dump him

[Forevermine25]

He use to say never getting a ring now he says "not yet".

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Holy shit!! Do you really agree that you should have no input into the timing of major events in your life? If a guy thought that I should have no say in the timing of my life, I'd show him the door!

From the point of view of this old feminist, his attitude and that of those around you is nothing short of neanderthal.

He didn't say this at all. He told her, when he proposes is not up to her. Unless she wants to buy a ring, get on one knee, and propose marriage to him..the proposal is his. As I said previously, I do think she should look for a new boyfriend.


I'll have you know the Neanderthal had fire, art, and a complex social order. This discrimination has to stop.

[basilandthyme]

Sorry BackUp, I will cease with the discrimination.

Though I strongly suspect he would say that it's not a woman's place to propose.....

[smackie9]

Oh good god... one of my exes used to say to me "you never buy me flowers"... and it was always precisely when I was looking at a flower shop and thinking about buying her flowers. She never got that she was ruining her own chance at getting flowers. I never wanted to buy her flowers when she felt that it was because she'd just told me she wanted them... where's the romance in that?!

I wanted to buy them and give them to her because I wanted to.

Tell him what you want (It sounds like you have) and leave it alone.

I have been told by many men that this is how they feel when the GF would start harping on about "where's my ring". One of my friends told me his GF would wake him up at 1am freakin on him that all her friends are engaged why can't she be, or the legendary "WHERE"S MY RING!?" obviously she was having her period (and this was confirmed). They just had a kid together but still no ring lol. She should have shut her yapper that's for sure.